Man with a grudge

Either that, or he has delusions of Christie-hood and just likes the idea of closed lanes:

For the second time, Phillip DeClemente has forced authorities to shut lanes on the Arthur Ravenel Jr. Bridge because of his threatening behavior, officials said Saturday.

Late Friday night, DeClemente was taken into custody after police closed the bridge’s northbound lanes for more than an hour.

Let’s see. What can we learn from DeClemente’s first time?

In the 2012 incident, DeClemente was arrested after he parked his SUV sideways on the bridge, blocking traffic, and contemplated killing himself, police said. On the Lexus’ windows, DeClemente painted the words “Stay Away,” “Back Off” and “Game Over.” Inside the car, he had a smoke grenade and two cans of pepper spray, police said.

Police closed the bridge and eventually talked him into surrendering. DeClemente spent 30 days in the Medical University of South Carolina psychiatric unit.

After being discharged from the hospital, DeClemente told The Post and Courier that he wasn’t suicidal, didn’t have a bomb and had no plans to harm the bridge. He said he was trying to expose what he described as a smear campaign against him and ongoing harassment by police and private investigators.

I refuse to believe that this guy doesn’t have his own blog.

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Every pirate on earth rolled into one

Is there any rationalization this guy might have missed?

Soooooo… I’m looking for the best way to download torrents I keep getting those pesky letters from Verizon saying that we have been involved in piracy. so they slow down our network speeds and I have had so many at this point they could possibly kick us off of their service permanently… and I really enjoy Verizons services.. I hate buying music just generally because It always ends up getting deleted at some point in the future via computer crash or having to restore a computer or internal/external hard drives becoming corrupt then I have to buy the stuff all over again.. and some albums you cant find unless you torrent them. so bottom line is I need the best way to hide my IP address. be it a proxy of some sort or whatever is best. but it MUST BE FULL PROOF!!!! I use vuze. and I have good antivirus and anti spyware programs so Im not concerned about getting bugs.

Oh, and musicians never, ever object to being ripped off:

Music isnt about money. It should never be about money.. music is art and expression and reaching out to people via that art or expression I didnt ask for your two cents on How what I am doing is wrong If I were an artist I wouldnt give two craps if people downloaded my music illegally as long as people were listening to it and getting something out of it. music is about changing lives and for enjoyment go listen to some immortal technique. He verbally expresses he would boot his own music to reach listeners… Also these people make millions on tours and gear that they sell. I doubt its gonna effect their sails that much if I download some of their music illegally

Since there’s basically no chance this yutz is living on his own and paying his own bills, I’m envisioning a scene in which his mom confiscates his computer:

“Where are you going with that?”

“Just reaching out to people and changing some lives. Surely you can’t object to that.”

And the door closes.

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Strange search-engine queries (418)

Presented uncut and without commercials, unlike anything else on television yesterday.

baby get back by gordon lightfoot:  “Backside, you’d better get down/’Cause you’re just getting bigger, I can’t see around.”

99 ford contour trans just stopped working:  Did you ever consider that it might be past retirement age?

Derpy Best Friend Fanfiction:  I just don’t know how this ever got here.

2000 Mazda 626 have a carbarautor?  If we still had those contraptions, maybe people would be able to spell the word.

free nicole deboer sexy photos:  Generally, when someone asks for free photos, what is really wanted is a way to acquire photos offered for sale without actually paying.

v6 engine pressure per cylibder:  I assume what you want is “compression,” or you’re planning to drop the engine on the floor to see if it makes a dent. (It will.)

262144th note:  Got to have a lot of those if you plan to go for 5000 bpm.

55 no sinal from pulse generator:  For a minute there I thought you’d said “no sinai,” and I wondered what Moses would think.

Who decides which words to no longer use?  Well, it’s certainly not John Boehner.

blessed are the pessimists backups:  I got a new beatitude!

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Yeah, that’s what they said

Generally, within a few days after the lawn treatment is conducted, the rain comes in.

Except, of course, when it isn’t rain:

Yard sign in the snow

See the full, uncropped shot on Flickr, if you so desire.

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Your passive-aggressive assistant

Samsung has been busily updating Fausta’s phone, evidently through a portal:

[N]ow my phone has a voice. A dry, professional, all-business, female voice. A voice that pops up at inconvenient times telling me that I have “25 new emails”. A clear, bossy voice.

I named her Gladys.

Nothing much gets past Gladys.

Not only does she pop up to announce how many new emails are there, she sometimes pipes in to make other announcements.

I suspect that some day the phone itself will die — but somehow Gladys will still be alive.

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Works every time

As the guy said in the antacid ad, “Try it, you’ll like it”:

Seattle news clipping from Bad Newspaper

(A Bad Newspaper special via Miss Cellania.)

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Give that man a statue

And by “that man,” I mean almost any man but this man:

… current Major League Baseball Commissioner and former Brewers’ owner Bud Selig, a man who has visited upon us the annoyance of interleague play, the silliness of linking World Series homefield advantage to the outcome of the All-Star Game and the absolute abomination of the 2002 All-Star Game, which he called after 11 innings as a tie. The only previous All-Star tie came in 1961 because of rain. If there is any fitting monument to Selig, a man who has left the game more or less leaderless since his tenure as commissioner began — first in an acting capacity in 1992 and then officially in 1998 — it is not a statue. It is a scorecard with a tie game on it. Or better yet, a rainout.

Google reports over 50,000 results for “bud selig sucks,” including Bud Selig Sucks.

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Hardware update

The old box, once restarted, managed to go six hours without one of those inexplicable reboots. Which means that the problem has been greatly reduced, but hardly solved.

Then again, with Ol’ Man Winter descending upon us heavily again, I’m not in a shopping mood, and delaying the process is a Good Thing.

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Once, not on a bet or anything, I turned out 300 words on a requested subject in 11 minutes flat. (I had promised no more than 15.)

This is not to say that I can do this sort of thing on a regular basis:

For someone who writes almost compulsively, the way some people scratch their ass, having to sit down and generate organized words on a specific topic is unbelievably hard for me. Therefore, like any task I find even slightly daunting or off-putting, I am splendid at finding reasons to avoid it.

I think maybe ten of the last fifty Vents were planned more than ten or twenty minutes in advance; a lot of times, I just have to faceplant into the keyboard and hope it makes an impression on me.

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Where dreams go to die

The Thunder hadn’t won a game in the District of Columbia in years, and it became apparent early on — 13 points in the first quarter — that they weren’t going to win this one. The Wizards calmly and efficiently snuffed the occasional OKC rally; the Thunder were able to pull to within one late in the second, but no closer, and Washington evened up their record (23-23) and the season series (1-1) with a 96-81 thrashing that ended the OKC win streak at ten.

I suspect that the game plan was to concentrate on the deadly Bradley Beal, a certified sharpshooter. And Beal was indeed held to five points. However, the other four starters finished in double figures, as did Martell Webster to lead the bench, with John Wall (17 points, 15 assists, not to mention six steals) and Marcin Gortat (14 points, 13 rebounds) collecting double-doubles. Trevor Ariza was the high scorer, with 18. Still, the Wizards’ offense may not have been as pivotal as tonight’s Telltale Statistic: OKC committed 21 turnovers, more than twice as many as did Washington.

And you have to figure that any night when Kevin Durant puts up 26 points and still finishes -16, which is where he was when he exited with 6:26 left, is not going to end well. Serge Ibaka contributed 14 points and four blocks, the entire Thunder bench 21 points and one block. Nor did the long ball help them: the team that made 16 threes against Miami came up with only four against Washington, in 24 tries. (KD was 0-6.) Perhaps there’s just something about the Verizon Center, although being in D.C. seems frightening enough.

But forget the East for a while, and by “a while” I mean a little less than a week: the Grizzlies will be visiting OKC on Monday night, the Timberwolves on Wednesday, and then it’s off to Orlando on Friday.

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Hardware blues

Consider this a brief summation of what goes through your head as you desperately search for ways to keep this old clunker running for just a few more weeks. And by “you,” I of course mean “me.”

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Covered stories

Being a person of the masculine persuasion, I’ve read a few magazines that are supposedly aimed at me, and generally, they’re about Things Guys Like To Do, supplemented with Things Guys Should Buy; see, for instance, Maxim, which once spun off its Stuff section into a separate magazine, only to discover that the readers realized that Stuff was basically Lucky with a neckbeard. And yes, there are babe pictures now and then, but they’re of secondary interest, unless you’ve gone twelve years without any feminine attention.

If this sounds uninspiring, consider what women are expected to read:

Women … are continually exposed to a single message: it’s time to have sex. Don’t women deserve adventures of their own, ones that have nothing to do with sex or sexuality? Shouldn’t their magazines celebrate that stuff first, put that stuff ahead of the bedroom agenda? Why does every magazine aimed at women in the supermarket have sex as its primary topic?

Don’t get me wrong: the day I can’t have sex with women I’m going to stare at the wall in the nursing home and cry. I’m all about it. But I don’t think it should be the primary focus of every woman’s life.

Then again, this is the culture that gave us Sandra Fluke, attorney and potential Congressional candidate, who will forever be remembered, not for any actual accomplishments which may be in her future, but for demanding that her contraception be subsidized. A culture in which a person like this is taken seriously is a culture that can’t help but serve up cover stories like “26 Ridiculously Hot Moves.”

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More than just a toy

Toy cars for kids to “drive” tend to look plasticky and, well, toylike. And that’s only fair: you wouldn’t want the resident three-year-old tooling about in a shrunken Malibu.

On t’other hand, where does it say that a vehicle for grownups can’t be toylike?

street-legal Little Tikes Cozy Coupe

This is a street-legal Little Tikes Cozy Coupe, built by John Bitmead at a cost of something like $6500. Supposedly it will do 70 mph. I suspect it probably doesn’t have side airbags.

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Payback in Brooklyn

On the second of this month, the Thunder had a 15-point halftime lead over the Nets, and still lost. The game plan this time around, evidently, was to pile up twice as big a lead: Oklahoma City was up 63-35 at the half, and even a barrage of Brooklyn treys in the fourth quarter couldn’t save the Nets from being blown out by the Thunder, 120-95.

And that fourth quarter was conducted with neither Kevin Durant nor Serge Ibaka, who must have set some sort of record for aggregate efficiency in the first 36 minutes: Durant hit 10 of 12 for 26 points, Ibaka 12 of 12 for 25. (Okay, Serge missed a free throw. Sue him.) OKC shot a stirring 63 percent, landing six players in double figures, and Kendrick Perkins just missed it by a bucket. (Yes, Perk. Four for nine. And eight rebounds.) The Thunder outrebounded the Nets by a startling 41-17, and moved the ball around with aplomb: 28 assists.

Still, this didn’t look like a blowout early on, as Nets guard Shaun Livingston was hitting everything in sight. (He finished 6-8 to lead the Brooklyn effort with 16 points.) The Thunder had a slim 11-10 lead in the first when all of a sudden Perk hit three shots in a row, courtesy of assists from KD and Reggie Jackson, and something in the karmic bubble began to boil; after that, the Nets, who’d won eight of their last ten to jump from the bottom of the Titanic Division to just below the Raptors, came totally unglued. The Brooklyn bench did yeoman work, contributing a hefty 55 points to the cause, but when the starters have only 40 to offer — well, this is the result.

The Great Eastern Sweep continues tomorrow night in the District of Columbia; in their last meeting, the Thunder beat the Wizards by one point. I’m sure Scott Brooks mentions that on the plane tonight.

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Banker’s ours

I don’t actually have a Google Alert for “longest legs,” but if there’s more competition, I’ll be tempted to set one up. Meanwhile, with contestants from Britain and Russia already entered, we have a contender from the good old USA — from New York City, in fact:

Brooke Banker as seen in the New York Post

The New York Post claims credit for discovering Brooke Banker, twenty-six, born in Marine Park, Brooklyn:

The 5-foot-11, blue-eyed stunner with 47-inch legs was discovered by The Post, and while her stems are Amazonian, her life is more down-to-earth.

A former Penn State volleyball player who eschews heels for flats, Banker dreams of being a television host and says lanky legs are so common in her family that even her goldendoodle, Tuna, has uncommonly long ones.

“I’ve been around tall girls my whole life with volleyball, so I know my legs are long, but I never thought to enter a contest or get a title,” says Banker, lounging in a black leotard atop the 75 Wall St. condo, with its equally towering views of the Brooklyn Bridge and her native borough.

And, guys, she’s not spoken for:

As for the opposite sex, Banker is single. She grudgingly admits her friends tell her she’s intimidating to men.

“I try not to think about it too much. And I don’t want to sound creepy, but I get approached by a lot of really short guys or guys with fetishes.”

Not that I’d know anything about that.

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My way-back pages

It began with this:

I duly followed the link, and came upon this:

Remember those claims that Publish America was a traditional publishing house, and would only publish worthy manuscripts? What if you set the quality bar as low as you possibly could, on purpose, and you still got an offer from them? Wouldn’t that be something? In 2005, a group of Sci-fi and Fantasy writers and some other willing pranksters got together to test the theory that Publish America would publish anything at all. Over a holiday weekend, they bashed out the worst manuscript they could come up with, an utter travesty. They called it Atlanta Nights and submitted it, under the author name Travis Tea (lol), to Publish America. Travis Tea got his book deal. This, then is your unicorn chaser. Read more about Atlanta Nights here, and check out Travis Tea’s website (not produced by Publish America). As soon as the writers made their jolly jape public, Publish America retracted their offer. Atlanta Nights lives on, and is still available for purchase through Amazon and B&N.

The point of that piece, of course, was that Publish America had resurfaced under a new name, and writers ought to beware. But I fixated on that title: where had I seen it before?

The answer: on a table in the hallway.

Yes, boys and girls, I paid actual American dollars to for a copy of Atlanta Nights, circa 2007. I remember it being terrible, if not necessarily trollfic terrible, and, now that I think about it, it may have fallen a notch below the pace-setter for this class, 1969’s Naked Came the Stranger by the nonexistent Penelope Ashe. To my horror, there’s even a Wikipedia page for Atlanta Nights.

I must also note that I once wrote a piece about music publishers seeking poems from amateurs, which they promised to turn into actual phonograph records, so it’s not like I had no idea this could have been somebody else’s business model.

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