Fark blurb of the week

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Bulbalypse now

Brenda Becker writes on Facebook:

Ah, compact fluorescents. The light bulb for when you want that MOODY effect when you flip a switch … slowly, the gloam spreads over the area as you stumble into your front hallway, relishing those achingly long seconds of darkness while the cat escapes, your elderly relative crashes, and you knock over a vase. Then there’s their ability to mysteriously destroy light fixtures — they’ve killed several of ours. And of course the long life span that justifies their average cost of $40 a bulb or something … why, we’ve had several that didn’t want us to get bored, and released themselves from this life after only weeks. But above all, there is … the glorious, bleached-bone, washed-out color of that eco-licious light. Even from outside, your rooms will have a nice, edgy, horror-movie vibe instead of that cliche’d, Thomas-Kinkaid welcoming glow of bad ol’ tungsten. BRING IT ON — I WANNA LOOK LIKE A ZOMBIE!

I think everyone who originally voted for it, regardless of party affiliation, should be awarded a single CFL — Colonic Fluorescent Lamp — curlicue type, to be administered rectally on C-Span with a twist of the wrist.

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It’s no face like Chrome

So after telling Mozilla to cram Firefoxes 4 through 7 inclusive, I finally broke down and installed version 8.0.1, mostly because the entreaties are becoming a bit louder and if they’re going to force it on me, as I suspect they would if they had half a chance, I want it done sometime other than late Sunday night.

For the moment, I’m giving it the not-too-coveted Doesn’t Entirely Suck award, since (1) it hasn’t actually crashed on me yet, something I couldn’t say of 3.6.N, where N=damn near anything, and (2) it appears to have something resembling speed on some of the more cluttered sites out there. (My speed-test site of late has been stay lovely, since I can count on it to load a couple of dozen animated GIFs and at least one audio file every time.)

On the downside, the right-click menu has been altered — “open in new tab” is now on top, rather than in second place, which I’ll have to get used to, and “view source” has disappeared from its usual spot in the menu, moving to Tools/Web Developer. (Ctrl-U also works, but both open a new window, and there are times when I’d rather have a tab.) Worse, at least in terms of my own specific usage pattern, is that the History dropdown (as opposed to the full-fledged box) allows neither new window nor new tab: you click on something in there and it overwrites your current tab. And the little search box, while it remains set to Wikipedia — there are several other sites built in, and others can be added — no longer offers autocompleted search suggestions. Still, it’s probably better than Chrome, if only because Google extends less of a hook into my data, though Chrome has apparently passed Firefox in the battle for second place in the Browser Wars, behind a certain Microsoft product which, says Bill Quick, demonstrates that “40% of global computer users are so tech-clueless they can’t install a better browser.”

But if Mozilla continues to screw around with Firefox for no good reason — well, Safari, so good.

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Space and other frontiers

Brian J., as is his wont, offers this suggestion to NASA, totally free of charge:

If it’s planning on a Martian mission but it’s concerned about the conditions in small enclosed spaces for long periods of time and the effect on a person, NASA should just recruit young Manhattanites who might even pay for the privilege of doubling the size of their apartments to 300 square feet.

As I believe I’ve mentioned once before, my single-car garage measures out at 290 square feet. I don’t think I’d particularly want to live there. (It does have hot and cold running water, unless it’s below zero outside, but there’s only a small space heater.)

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Quote of the week

You want to run for President? Are you out of your cotton-picking fabric-creating mind?

Not only is there the burden of governing a superpower in an explosive world, but our manic media ensures that, if you’re a Republican candidate, you’ll be subject to routine, public colonoscopies, while if you’re a Democratic candidate, you receive the kind of fawning sycophancy that created the same delusions of grandeur that drove many European monarchs mad.

Any job description for the job of president in 2012 should end with the words “only megalomaniacs need apply.”

Had I written this, it might not be quite so pithy, but it also would not contain the qualifier “in 2012.”

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Hard hat not pictured

We open with a quote from Robert Stacy McCain’s original Rule 5 piece:

It’s not just guys who enjoy staring at pictures of hotties. If you’ve ever picked up Cosmo or Glamour, you realize that chicks enjoy looking at pretty girls, too. (NTTAWWT.) Maybe it’s the vicious catty she-thinks-she’s-all-that factor, or the schadenfreude of watching a human trainwreck like Britney Spears, but no one can argue that celebrity babes generate traffic.

So I’m thinking: do they have to be celebrity babes? How about a reasonably public figure who is not actually in showbiz?

Okay, there’s an NBA connection, kinda sorta, involving the soon-to-be-relocating New Jersey Brooklyn Nets. Background:

The Atlantic Yards project [in Brooklyn] cleared a major hurdle … when New York State was granted the right to use eminent domain for the development. The project has had a long political history pitting the developer, Forest City Ratner, against local groups, and an equally interesting design history.

MaryAnne Gilmartin, Executive Vice-President of Forest City Ratner, is in charge of the Atlantic Yards development. Gilmartin has spent 15 years at Forest City. Doesn’t seem to have worn her down much:

MaryAnne Gilmartin

In general, I am not a big fan of eminent domain, but obviously I am easily distracted.

(Original photo from this Jenna Goudreau article for Forbes.)

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One piece at a time, as it were

A friend of mine, after running up against the fact that old cars that aren’t worth a lot still need maintenance, got rid of her ’94 Honda Accord and bought a somewhat newer Nissan Altima. It occurs to me that maybe she should have parted it out, since that’s what the professional thieves do:

Of the 52,000 Honda Accords stolen in 2010, more than 44,000 were 1990s models. Less than 6,000 were made in the 2000s.

When the pieces are broken out, the parts are worth more than the cars. The fuel line for a 1994 Honda goes for about $375, the air conditioner compressor sells for around $350, and an antilock brake part sells for around $450. Just those three parts $1,175. Comparatively, Kelley Blue Book says an excellent condition four-door 1994 Honda Accord is valued at around $1,900.

I’d like to know what “antilock brake part” can be had for $450. I can get two brand-new wheel sensors for that kind of money. (Never mind what the control module costs.) Maybe I should inquire at the nearest chop shop.

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And the leftovers were duly divided

You may remember this from early 2007:

The lawsuit is about the price cardholders of Visa-, MasterCard-, or Diners Club-branded payment cards were charged to make transactions in a foreign currency, or with a foreign merchant, between February 1, 1996 and November 8, 2006. Plaintiffs challenge how the prices of credit and debit/ATM card foreign transactions were set and disclosed, including claims that Visa, MasterCard, their member banks, and Diners Club conspired to set and conceal fees, typically of 1-3% of foreign transactions, and that Visa and MasterCard inflated their base exchange rates before applying these fees. The Defendants include Visa, MasterCard, Diners Club, Bank of America, Bank One/First USA, Chase, Citibank, MBNA, HSBC/Household, and Washington Mutual/Providian.

Some of those defendants, you’ll note, no longer exist as separate entities. I mentioned later that year that I was turning in a claim form; the expected payback was somewhere around $25.

Four years (almost to the day) after that post, a check for $18.04 arrived. Says the fine print: “All refund amounts are reduced because the full amount of all the claims exceeds the amount in the settlement fund.” You may be absolutely certain that the attorneys’ fees were not reduced in the slightest.

Still, it’s eighteen bucks and change, which, given the usual pitiful settlements in class-action suits — typically, $5 off something you wouldn’t buy in the first place — counts as a legitimate win. And apparently there is a second suit, for which I may already be enrolled as a member of the aggrieved class, inasmuch as they sent me instructions on how to exclude myself from same. We’ll see if any more dollars drop on my doorstep in 2015.

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Make and model, not necessarily in that order

The product specialist at the auto show may in fact be a lovely woman, but she’s not there to serve as eye candy. (Okay, she’s not there just to serve as eye candy.) She’s got to know the product line cold, if only to stay ahead of the wise guys who think they can stump her. (See, for instance, this one, who epitomizes the current standard.)

Turn the clock back a few decades, and there’s less emphasis on product knowledge and more emphasis on being decorative. Mandated clothing was generally either scanty or scantier. And Curbside Classic has photographic evidence of one particular show where two of the young ladies — well, okay, they might have been wearing earrings. Hard to tell at this distance.

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NME kills the video stars

Okay, they haven’t actually slain anyone, but their list of the 50 worst music videos ever is filled with, shall we say, some fairly harsh language.

This is what they had to say about “Friday”:

Perhaps it was the £5 budget special effects or maybe the fact that there were dental braces everywhere we looked or even the bratty stage school kids pretending to drive around in a car. Black herself came across as kind of sweet and naive, but the sense of an evil puppet master behind the scenes controlling everything couldn’t be escaped. In the end, there was so much to dislike it was quite overwhelming. This was the equivalent of repeatedly getting bitten on the ankles by a yappy dog.

Rebecca Black comes out for NOH8This not-especially-kind review is not, of course, the circumstance that led Rebecca Black to pose for the photograph at left. (This is.) And I’m reasonably certain that if she’s crying at all, it’s in the classic Liberace fashion: all the way to the bank. However, I note with some amusement that of NME’s three least favorite videos, two involve songs mentioned on this very site: “Friday,” of course, and Susan Boyle’s cover of Lou Reed’s “Perfect Day,” which wasn’t necessarily a Friday at all. (I have not heard the Kings of Leon track they disparaged, but then I figure if I need to, I would have no trouble coming up with reasons to disparage Kings of Leon on my own.)

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You want tofu with that?

One of the more amusing stories of late involves McDonald’s to-the-letter interpretation of a San Francisco ordinance that forbids eateries to give away toys: Mickey D has started charging a dime for the little plastic (or whatever) tchotchke, which is then donated to the Ronald McDonald House. The Board of Supervisors, I think it’s safe to assume, is on par with other governmental bodies when it comes to dealing with the Law of Unintended Consequences.

The Consumerist version of the story drew this comment from one “squinko esq.”:

Anyone who doesn’t feed their children organic, free-trade, gluten-free, sugar-free, fat-free meals made fresh from scratch for every single meal is a fucking monster. Children shouldn’t be allowed to eat anything that might possibly taste good, nor should they be allowed to play with cheap plastic toys. Handmade, hypoallergenic crafts made from sustainable sources that don’t have sharp corners and don’t promote the cisgendered, heteronormative, neurotypical White patriarchy is good enough for my kids and should be good enough for everyone else’s.

Question: Did “squinko” miss anything there?

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Yes, I do get shoe spam

Just a few excerpts from a very long piece which occasionally lapses into (I’m assuming) Russian:

Footwear on weighty to a scamp — how correctly to choose these sex pumps?

Obvious women like to look soberly in footwear on высокогом a heel. Anyhow, there are certain secrets about which each the missis should advised of, carrying these sexual pumps. Here some of them as a last resort to offer on correctly.

Tough and roughcast surfaces

If you force planned prowl in greensward the oldest clear-sightedness will talk to you to push footwear on intoxication to a heel. As places with rough and unjust surfaces or a formless party line are iffy reasonably, as you could lose easily balance, effective on these surfaces. By itself, you would not like to winding up with an anklebone or bruises if you secure fallen, after all so? So record unswerving that you punctiliously know where you go and outfit in order footwear also in behalf of each one by one entranced case. This acuteness takes place also for the sake places with a estimable amount of a snitch, external parks and woods. To you good palpate of feet and extensive relax in return feet after such walks can be demanded.

This advice is, I think, reasonably iffy. There’s also a reference to what to do when confronted with “apertures of drainage for the benefit of water.”

(That string of Cyrillic characters will probably look like hell in any character set other than UTF-8).

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Big Macintosh says “Ayup”

This surprises me less than you think:

Pony Personality Test

The complete analysis:

A real hard worker you are, yup. If there’s one thing you hate, it’s being inactive or coming across as lazy. You’ll put in more effort than anyone else, even if it may be against your better judgment or even if delegating your work is a smarter option. It’s not surprising to see you working all day long, even if it’s to help friends out. However, friendship is still important to you, so you will always, always stick to your commitments and keep your promises.

You’re a tell-it-like-it-is pony, not holding your tongue and telling whoever whatever’s on your mind or what your true thoughts are. Thankfully, you can still pick your words carefully and still keep some sensitivity towards what you say. But, others may find you irritable in appearance if you’re not getting your way or you feel against something.

You are also most likely to be athletic and into staying fit, knowing that if you’re not, you won’t be able to keep up with your work. Fashion and looking good aren’t on the top of your priorities, to say the least. You also tend to be very protective of your friends, standing up for them against anyone who is causing them problems, and usually succeeding in warding off any foes. You’d gladly lose a limb if it meant saving a friend’s life.

Well, I’m not particularly athletic, though I suspect I could make some fruit fall from the tree if I kicked it hard enough. F=ma, y’all.

(I blame this on Fluttershy Fillyjonk.)

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It’s disposable!

Steve writes to the Consumerist:

A few years back I bought my mother an Epson Artisan 800 all-in-one. The Artisan line is generally well reviewed and performs well. A few months ago we had a nasty surprise. Turning the printer on resulted in an error message on the screen that the ink pads were at the end of their service life and to contact Epson for assistance.

The printer was 100% unusable at this time, even for non-print related things like scanning. By whim of a bit of software code, my all-in-one was non-functional. It is worth noting that even immediately prior to this error message the printer performed flawlessly in all respects.

So he contacted Epson for assistance, with the following, um, results:

Upon working my way through Epson’s “support” system I was told by a representative that repairing the printer would cost $180 plus shipping. Considering that a new printer with similar capabilities could be had for the same amount or less, I turned them down. Now, by itself this isn’t so surprising; the printer manufacturers want you to buy new printers all the time so they engineer them to be cheap enough to discard and replaced. Epson’s own web site even says that “Epson recommends replacing the printer” when the ink pads are at the end of their service life. Yup, that’s Epson: A few pennies worth of disposable cotton pad gets dirty and you need to replace the entire printer. I sometimes try to imagine what Epson employees do when they run out of clean underwear.

This, of course, assumes that they actually own any clean underwear: one does not expect attention to minor details like that from the manufacturers of Today’s Crappy Printers™.

I have an HP DeskJet at work that arbitrarily decided last week that the black cartridge was defective. Not empty: defective. I duly replaced it; the brand-new one did not work either. I conclude that HP really wants this printer to die, and was too [insert term for poultry droppings] to say so up front.

Meanwhile, my turn-of-the-century HP DeskJet at home has never failed me. Were they building them better back in the Nineties? What do you think?

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Stuff

In the proper Carlinian sense, you may be sure.

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Renewed in public

Not that anyone was really expecting me to go away, but I did extend the existing web-host deal for one more year yesterday, and while I suppose I could find something marginally cheaper, the time it would take me to move everything would more than offset any savings. Besides, uptime has been upticking of late, which is always a Good Thing.

It would also have helped if I’d remembered to record the fee in my check register, but that’s another matter.

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