Rehab: day thirteen

As I should have suspected, I have not lost 30 pounds while in confinement. (More like 15.) Never trust a single scale if you can possibly avoid it.

The profession is apparently hiring some damnably attractive women these days.


Justify your existence

And there had better be some dollar signs in that justfication, too:

Someone I follow on Twitter posted a photograph from one of those truly beautiful European libraries and made a comment about how he could “carry around more books on my phone” and it seems to me that that’s a big part of the malaise of our times — or at least, the malaise I am feeling. That the beautiful and the aesthetic are slowly being replaced by the functional but ugly, and no one seems to think that losing those aesthetics don’t in some way impoverish us. I once referred to it as “the gradual crappification of everything” — how some nice groceries close up and are replaced by wal-marts with bad management and surly employees and tvs at the end of every aisle blaring ads, how it’s no longer “profitable” for students to do anything outside of technical or STEM degrees, so the humanities are in decline or are derided, that instead of lovely places being appreciated people complain about how the space could be “better used more efficiently” or something like that.

And I admit, sometimes I feel like we will someday be surrounded by nothing but concrete-box buildings, noise, and greyness, and very few people will ask, “Why are we here? Isn’t this an unpleasant state of being?” because everyone will have been convinced that this is The New Normal and it is all we merit, because anything else is “unprofitable” and therefore not worth it. Or that it’s somehow all we deserve because we are awful. And I don’t know, yeah, humans are awful but having an awful world around us doesn’t exactly encourage us to be better.

There are times when my impending demise bothers me less than usual, and this is one of them.

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Gut reaction

This isn’t quite the British equivalent of “Here, hold my beer,” but it’s close:

A man was rushed to hospital, suffering from severe stomach pains, after eating three chicken wings doused in sauce made from what is thought to be the world’s hottest chili pepper.

Mark McNeil, 36, was hoping to be able to eat ten of the chicken wings to win a competition.

Despite being given advice at the University Hospital of North Tees for severe stomach pain, he is looking to try again in the competition which is held at The George on Stockton High Street.

The pepper in question?

The Carolina Reaper, originally named the HP22B, is a cultivar of chili pepper of the Capsicum chinense species. It is currently the hottest pepper in the world.

On the Scoville scale, where the jalapeño rates somewhere below 10,000, the Reaper checks in well beyond a million.

(Via Bayou Renaissance Man.)


Google eats the soul

And it chews at least 32 times per bite:

I sold my soul to GoogleDocs in exchange for autosave every fifteen seconds. But I sinned against Google or something, and Chrome decided it was no longer going to open for me. Uninstalled and reinstalled, checked for viruses, nothing. So I downloaded Firefox, which is … fine. Except that it will not allow me to copy/paste in GoogleDocs with my mouse. I tried the common fixes that pop up online, making sure “dom.event.clipboardevents.enabled” is set to “true” and trying to modify “user.js,” which I don’t seem to have (or at least it’s not where anyone says it should be and Windows refuses to find it for me.) Past those, everything I see seems to throw up their hands and says to use keyboard shortcuts, which is unacceptable to me because I am 32 years old, damnit, and I’m not going to change how I do things.

So there.


Rehab: day twelve

The committee met this morning, and they’re pretty much in agreement on Adequate Progress.

Brief encounter with a Therapy Dog, a friendly poodle of standard size and kindly demeanor.

Comments (1)

Saith W

And you know, he’s right:

Excellent call, sir.


Knowing what you’re worth

And remember, it’s always more than those Ordinary Folks:

Rep. Corrine Brown (D-Fla.) said Friday that if the Department of Justice had been investigating the Orlando nightclub shooter instead of her, the 49 people killed in the massacre there last month would still be alive.

“These are the same agents that was not able to do a thorough investigation of [shooter Omar Mateen], and we ended up with 50 people dead,” Brown said. Mateen was shot and killed by police at the scene of the Orlando nightclub attack, bringing the total death toll to 50.

Brown’s lawyer echoed those sentiments. “Perhaps had it chosen to devote its resources more thoughtfully, 50 innocent people would be alive today,” Elizabeth White said, according to First Coast News.

Brown was hit with a 24-count federal indictment. One for every other victim?

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In which a hat is tipped

And for good reason, too:

The previous post was #3,000 for this here blog, which makes me a “millitriathlete” of running my mouth.

Not even going to try to come up with a comparable term for this place.


As usual, I’m late

But you already knew the drill, right?

Remember: one of these days is Centaxday.


Rehab: day eleven

Tested out a bench for the bathtub. Easier than standing up under the shower, I suppose.

I suspect the existence of actual readers among the staff, and possibly even among the patients.

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Females being selective and all

You probably don’t want to try this at home:

On your next date, you might not want to try vomiting bioluminescent mucus, but for male crustaceans called ostracods it works like a charm. The female ostracods like it, say some researchers.

Makes for some semi-compelling video, too, even from Other Species:

“When you’re there watching this display it’s spectacular. You can have up to nine species all in the same area displaying at similar times. I don’t know how the females do it, but they’re really good at figuring out who is their correct male,” explained Emily Ellis. She and Todd Oakley are scientists at the University of California, Santa Barbara who study ostracods in the Caribbean.

A giant squid was not available for comment.

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Nice arachnid

Useful household advice:


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Dough, boy

I’m not sure I believe a word of this. That said, there are thieves, and then — well, there’s this guy:

Martin Klein, 41, of Las Vegas, was arrested after a shoplifting incident turned horribly wrong. According to reports, Mr. Klein and his partner, Jerry Weis, had stolen several grocery items from the Las Vegas Walmart.

Reportedly, Klein and Weis had entered the Las Vegas Walmart at approximately 11 A.M. and headed towards the breakfast food aisle. Both of the men had taken several cans of Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls from the aisle and headed towards the bathroom. According to CCTV footage, Klein and his partner entered the restroom and stayed inside for nearly 20 minutes before exiting.

I’m not sure you want to know how this worked out:

According to eyewitnesses, the EMT that treated Klein on the scene said the Pillsbury Cinnamon Roll can exploded due to the amount of pressure inside Klein’s anus coupled with the shock of the fall. The can and its contents were removed from Mr. Klein. Mr. Klein was treated for his injuries and then placed into the custody of Las Vegas Police. Jerry Weis, the other suspect in the shoplifting incident, was also arrested. Weis gave a bizarre statement to authorities upon his arrest: “I hope my Mr. Martini will be ok. We just wanted to spice up the love making tonight with something sweet and thought that some Cinnamon Rolls would do the trick. Well at least my darling got the Cinnabuns he wanted. I hope he has some leftovers for me to try.”

Trolling level: Grands.

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Strange search-engine queries (545)

You know the drill: someone looked for it, and we made note of it here.

mazda SLI 16 valve engine pictures:  Not sure if motor porn or desperate DIYer.

black male model with huge penis in locker room:  Probably not a desperate DIYer.

apple store penn square mall make appointment:  Call the Genius Bar, genius.

is hercules on the commodore 64 supposed to:  Due to memory limitations, he can muck out only one stable at a time.

used oldsmobile alero wright county minnesota:  Well, there certainly won’t be any new ones.

frolicme mr big:  Still hasn’t displaced “Rock Me, Amadeus.”

sprained ankle fetish:  I guess it would be harder for them to get away.

assholism definition:  If you need a definition, well, guess what?

sarah is testing how quickly saltwater freezes. she adds saltwater to one ice tray and plain water to another ice tray. she places each tray in the freezer and records the time when each one starts to freeze:  Meanwhile, her car has been low on coolant for 5,000 miles.

monothelitic dumbhead:  Opened for Finger Eleven back when F11 was still called “Rainbow Butt Monkeys.”


Rehab: day ten

“Suddenly, I’m not half the man I used to be.” — Paul McCartney, “Yesterday.”

“I’m eight-ninths the man I used to be.” — Me, after weigh-in.

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Wayward-wiener relief

Bonus points for starting with the verb “screw”:

Screw going to the doctor for your bedroom performance problems. You can fix them yourself WITHOUT worrying about expensive costs or side effects.

Don’t believe me?

All it takes is concocting 3,000 year old drink recipe that consists of:

1. 6 herbs
2. 2 fruits
3. 1 amino acid

Whip it up. Put it in a cup. Drink it down. And watch your woman’s sexually frustrated frown turn upside down.

Best of all, this drink only costs 30 cents to make. But I guess you want to know the specifics, huh?

Well, no, not really.

Extra spam words with the package:

/Medvedev/ folgende /eid /earlier /profile /hike /thank /please /stations/ wave /morning, reset /format /Turner/ core /date /customer/ jullie /dirty /hist /Va /virtual /gloire /quits /soumises /musique /argot /659 station /sweater /sorten /regulation /priest /Schumacher /orde responsibility /aan /welle /outside /everyone /driven /3 /HILFE /idbzymo /unfiltered hitchhikes /zxyxhjg /315-1952 /pesa /unhopedly /xkawgiygzs /ductive /hastening trinken /attendance /300-3314 /Candido /restaurant /vuwdn /weighs /dll /spread /in FILETIME /Food /3D /completed /1BC31C80 /signing /Thanks /PLEASE /buys /bens cameronian /1em /01C2DDA1 /2 /version /subscription /buckmast /matamoros /that’s Visit /cfm /elevation /is /example Howells /JENNIFER /led /Thank /second /general /lyngbyeae /multiplies /disastrous PermSize /desto /al /OK /XX /3D3D128m /Iran /regular /beenBelleville /axhwjvf ozyys /scroll /parliamentarians /other /James /Courts /verdriet /separately /Moz collector /filth /P’North /ghzyrr /EMAIL

Followed by several hundred more. This might be explainable, but not by me.