Not a movie-script ending

This is most likely not the result of my shooting off my mouth, but I am disturbed by it anyway:

It is a sad day in indie town: Actress/singer/New Girl Zooey Deschanel, 31, and Death Cab for Cutie frontman Ben Gibbard, 35, have announced the end of their two-year marriage.

The duo’s split was confirmed to US Weekly by a rep; a source says that the parting is amicable, and involves no third parties.

(Title inverted from here.)

Comments (13)

Well, eff that

Dr. Weevil reports there is exactly one blog he can’t read at work because it’s “tasteless & offensive.”

I’d like to get a statement to that effect from the management, just to add to my list of Stirring Testimonials. (Heh-heh. I said “testi.”)

Comments (5)

Paging Tommy Flanagan

This is Morgan Fairchild, your wife, whom you’ve slept with, as she looked this past Saturday night at a Halloween party:

Morgan Fairchild at Pop Art Halloween party 2011

I used to be married to a Texas girl slightly younger than Morgan (she’s 57, Morgan is 61). They hold up (minor adjustments aside) pretty well, don’t you think?

Comments (5)

Honey, disconnect the phone

Cue McCartney and stand back:

You are 19% Russian!

Who are you kidding? Just because you took a summer language course in Petersburg doesn’t make you a Russian.

How Russian Are You?
Take More Quizzes

I question this conclusion; at the very least, I should have scored lower than an actual Russian.

Comments (5)

Invisible girlfriend

Well, not technically, but hey, I’m not gonna complain.

Comments (7)

Meanwhile on the goblin front

Mayfair Heights SpooktacularSo this year I decided: rather than have the goblins come to me, I will go to the goblins. Two adjacent neighborhoods took over the business end of Smitty Park in the late afternoon and filled it up with all sorts of things to attract the younger set, up to and including a bounce house, and by the time I showed up — pushing sixish — the place was wall-to-wall kids. (“And they weren’t even on my lawn,” sighed the empty-nester.) I dropped my supply of goodies into the community bowl and watched as mischievousness was channeled into something almost controllable. My one moment of alarm came when several dozen rolls of toilet paper were produced for an event I hadn’t seen on the agenda: the youngsters were going to TP each other. “Wrap Your Mummy,” it was dubbed. Some of these kids have a future sealing packages at UPS.

Neighborhood Association officials pronounced themselves pleased with the turnout, and things started to run down at sundown. There’s a lot to be said for being halfway between downtown and the ‘burbs.

Comments (1)

Neo-neologism watch

Smitty comes up with a “shiny new word”:

hypodrachmaphobia (n.) The fear that somebody else might be making more money than you, triggering a strong urge to covet, followed next by hate and then a compelling need to get a tax law passed that will help redistribute some of that bad, bad capital your way.

This is, I suspect, even more widely distributed than hypochondria (q.v.), and with generally comparable results.

Comments off

Tinkling symbolism

Marcel, not too obliquely, on the state of the electorate:

Saint Paul told the truth, and everywhere he went he got run out of town by a mob, until finally the government had him killed. If he’d been advocating a Ponzi scheme he could have made a competitive run for public office in the AD 68 elections.

“…but the greatest of these is security.” Um, no.

Comments off

Meanwhile in White Harlem

Not everyone is keen on renaming a stretch of 121st Street in Morningside Heights after the late George Carlin:

“‘Carlin St.’ Resisted by His Old Church. Was It Something He Said?” is the [New York Times] headline. And the answer, of course, is, “Yes.”

We’re not sure why anyone is surprised that the Corpus Christi School (Carlin’s grade school on 121st St.) would oppose such an honor. And we’re not sure why anyone would see this opposition not as vindictive but as entirely logical and consistent.

Carlin’s 1972 album Class Clown, as the parish pastor Rev. Raymond Rafferty says, “made mockery of Corpus Christi parish and its priests.”

An online petition, like almost all such, is going nowhere, although this bit says it all:

Perhaps the comment from “Mark Ryan” of Long Island put it right when he said, “No, Carlin wouldn’t like the idea of a street being named for him, but it’s not for him, it’s for us.”

First thought: “Who the hell asked some schmuck from Lawn Guyland for his opinion?”

And you can imagine Carlin’s reaction to that: seven words, none of them (in 1972, anyway) at all utterable on television.

(Via Kathy Shaidle.)

Comments off

But she’s a great cook

Basil sums up Michele Bachmann:

She’s like the hot chick you wanted to date, then while sitting in the restaurant, you realize that she talks to the silverware. She’s still hot, but you keep thinking she’s going to go all Glenn Close on you and you’ll find your rabbit in the kitchen.

And while we’re at it, here’s his characterization of the Ronulan Empire:

Ron Paul has really crazy followers who either take too much drugs or not enough medication. He’s got like 3 really good ideas and 800 really nutty ones. His followers focus on the 3 good ones when they argue, then slip up and tell you how evil Jews are and how the Twin Towers were blown up by George Bush.

Let’s see how fast I have to kill comments on this.

Comments (10)

Strange search-engine queries (300)

This feature is based on a sound Hollywood principle: if it works once, it’s bound to work again and again and again.

lads nude in backyard:  Not for long, what with winter breathing down their necks. (Offer varies in Southern Hemisphere.)

is pet sounds better in mono or stereo?  Brian Wilson says mono. Then again, he’s never heard it in stereo.

“i was just following orders”:  The first refuge of the unimaginative.

my transmission clunks at 55?  Today’s automatics are computer-controlled; it was just following orders.

striper license in north dakota?  I wasn’t aware that North Dakota required a license to stripe.

solutions to kansas city’s bad roads:  Complete restriping. Get some licensed stripers from North Dakota.

why don’t they make navy blue pumps?  They don’t go well with either t-shirt/jeans or the Little Black Dress, and who wears anything else?

why was zooey deschanel holding a yogurt poster:  I didn’t even notice. Was she wearing navy blue pumps or something?

mr. clean sexist:  Naw. He just discriminates against dirt. (Does this make him a Dirtist?)

seinfeld mopery:  Actually, George Costanza was far more likely to mope.

“particularly finicky” split infinitive:  I am not one to loudly complain about such things.

do it now! chaz:  Hey, I’m busy.

Comments (1)

Oh, it is ON

Plucked from the Yahoo! Answers bin:

Is it strange that I’m both a brony and a NIN fan?

I mean, on the one hand, I’m a fan of this dark, nihilistic industrial rock act whose songs are often quite pessimistic (Nine Inch Nails), but on the other fan, I’m also a fan of this cute children’s cartoon with a positive, optimistic message and a huge cult following online (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic). Is this strange?

Balance in all things, young one.

Actually, I didn’t say that, preferring a less-metaphysical approach:

Not so strange. What NIN and MLP:FIM have in common is that they’re both quite matter-of-fact about their respective universes, however unreal they may seem to the outsider. (And really, can’t you see Nightmare Moon aka Princess Luna listening to “Pretty Hate Machine”?)

Score a hit for the Orbital Friendship Cannon.

Comments (1)

We should be so lucky

Germany seems to have found some money under the sofa cushions:

Germany is 55.5 billion euros ($78.7 billion) richer than it thought due to an accountancy error at the bad bank of nationalised mortgage lender Hypo Real Estate (HRE), the finance ministry said.

Europe’s largest economy now expects its ratio of debt to gross domestic product to be 81.1 percent for 2011, 2.6 percentage points less than previously forecast, it said.

Wait, what? An “accountancy error”?

“Apparently it was due to sums incorrectly entered twice,” said a ministry spokesman on Friday, adding the reason for the error still needed to be clarified.

The official German reaction is, you’ll note, wholly unrelated to the protocol followed in the US, which requires three steps:

  1. The government releases a figure;
  2. The government releases a corrected — and invariably worse — figure;
  3. Some spokeshole explains that the disparity was, um, “unexpected.”

So that’s one thing they do better in Europe. One part of Europe, anyway.

Comments off

Today’s brain-cloud generator

It’s not exactly “Define the universe and give three examples,” but it’s closer than it looks:

Statistics question

(From FlowingData via Coyote Blog. I have cropped the photo slightly to fit into this design theme; I believe no information of value to the solution has been removed.)

Comments (5)

While the season dissolves into nothing

Thunder center Nazr Mohammed, in a series of tweets, comments on the NBA lockout (first one is here):

In all honesty … anyone who gets paid to play a sport for a living is blessed and probably overpaid. But we’re getting paid because we possess a set of god given talents coupled with hard work that provide entertainment and produce revenue. That’s what makes it a business. In business there’s #Supply&Demand. There’s a high demand and a limited supply for what certain athletes can do. We don’t put the price on how valuable we are … the market does. As an athlete were just trying to figure out what that is. Personally I think we owe it to the athletes of the near future to get a fair deal for them.

Not everyone in the Twitterverse was happy with this assessment, you may be certain.

Comments (2)

Quote of the week

A national biometric ID database? Bad idea, says Tam:

“Keep it from falling into the wrong hands”? It’s a government database! It’s starting out in the wrong hands! I don’t know if you were keeping track in the 20th Century, dude, but Governments out-pointed Nigerian 419 Scammers by several hundred million to zero on the big International Dead Guy Scoreboard.

It technically may not be the Mark of the Beast, but there’s no sense in giving the Beast easy access to it.

Comments (2)