Lose the glove or the fist

Jeff Brokaw has decided that Stephen Stills’ “Love the One You’re With” doesn’t suck as much as he thought it did:

I used to despise the lyrics to this song too — and it is kind of a mess musically, too. But on closer listening, I decided it is not about cheating while your girlfriend is away, it is about a guy who’d been dumped, and so he figures, correctly, that pining for a former love (or “bitch” as the case may be) that dumped you is a poor choice when there is another young lady right next to you.

I believe this interpretation to be correct, though it would be interesting to find out the state of Stills’ on-again-off-again relationship with Judy Collins at the time he wrote it. And anyway, he didn’t make up the conditional in the chorus: that was a Billy Preston concoction.

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Whatever she’s having

Like rather a lot of models, Annalise Braakensiek is tall: officially, five feet, ten and a half inches. Unlike rather a lot of models, she’s a tad top-heavy, which fact motivated her to design a lingerie line a few years back. And it’s green, she says:

“No toxic ink, organic cotton, organic bamboo, sustainable produce, the swingtags are recycled cardboard and even attached with organic twine. As eco-friendly as I can possibly make it.”

Which I guess one should expect from a lady of Norwegian extraction who grew up on a commune in New South Wales.

I have no idea if she’s wearing her own creations here:

Annalise Braakensiek

Annalise turned 40 last month. She’s presumably done something with her hair since then.

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Cuban embargoed

After three quarters, it was Oklahoma City 81, Dallas 72. The Mavericks bench, understandably, saw this as intolerable, and in six minutes they’d made up the entire deficit and then some. A brief period of teeter-totter, and then Kevin Durant, who’d gone cold earlier in the quarter, started drawing fouls; he made eight free throws in the last two minutes, butting the Thunder up three. Vince Carter dunked with seven seconds left to close the gap to one; Russell Westbrook followed with two more free throws. O. J. Mayo came through with a trey at :02.3, tying it at 105, and Durant’s 20-footer went awry.

Of course, the Thunder love overtime. At :16.5, Durant made a 13-foot jumper to go up two; Westbrook added a free throw at :02.7; Carter got off the last shot, which fell short, and it was OKC 117, Dallas 114 at the horn.

It was good to see Dirk back; it was even better to see him not doing particularly well. Nowitzki was 5-19 for 18 points, though he did knock down eight of nine free throws. Mayo, always better at home than on the road, went 6-16 to get his 18 points. But the stats-gathering guy was Carter, 29 off the bench, a season high. The entire Thunder bench had only 21, versus 49 for the Mavs. (Elton Brand had the one Dallas double-double, with ten points and 13 boards.)

Then again, even 49 pales beside Durant’s career high: 52 points, 13-31 from the floor but 21-21 from the stripe. Throw in 31 from Westbrook and suddenly you’re not worried so much about scoring, although Serge Ibaka did come up with some timely moves, 11 points and 14 rebounds. OKC dominated the glass, 53-46, 18-11 offensive, though they were outshot by the Mavs, 45-41 percent.

(Oh, you wanted a Telltale Statistic? Durant, despite those 52 points, was -1 for the night. Tough crowd in Dallas, let me tell you. Mark Cuban sets the stage well.)

This was the first game of six on the road. And look what’s coming up: the Nuggets on Sunday, the Clippers on Tuesday, the Warriors on Wednesday, the Kings on Friday and the Lakers on the following Sunday. It’s gonna be a long month.

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Quote of the week

Michele Catalano, on the joys of having your Twitter follower list decimated:

At some point after I all but ditched twitter, I realized I missed it, and had a little heart-to-heart with myself about it. What good was twitter for me? What did I enjoy about it before the million followers (which had now “dwindled” to about 920,000)? What was twitter good for.

Well, it was good for making friends, meeting new people, discovering how many talented people are hanging around the internet, getting to do stuff with some of those talented people, having friends to visit wherever we travel, telling offensive, horrible jokes and letting a million people know when I’ve gotten my period.

There it was. I joined twitter for the conversation, for the ability to connect with people who enjoyed the same warped sense of humor, people who liked hockey and baseball, people who enjoyed talking about music and people who liked to banter back and forth, to engage.

My own interests vary a bit, but my motivations are precisely the same, apart from that whole “period” bit.

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An Australian newspaper tries out Facebook Graph Search, and says it’s “taken the pain and skill out of searching for people worthy of a public shaming.”

Among those people, says the paper, are Rebecca Black fans:

Facebook Search screenshot featuring people who like Rebecca Black

“The identity of these Rebecca Black fans have been protected. For shame, people.”

Last I looked, there were 168,383 of us, not all of whom saw her last Friday on Ricki Lake’s show. (Although the clip to watch is this one, in which she says nothing but makes some curious faces.)

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Where do I apply?

On my Facebook page, I describe my position as “Lead Lackey.” There being no subordinate lackeys, or minions even, this is not particularly impressive. Then again, I wasn’t smart enough to get the Chinese to do the scut work for me:

[A] U.S. developer actually did find a way to fool everyone at his company into thinking he was working, while in fact outsourcing his entire job to China.

Andrew Valentine wrote up the case study for Verizon, and the story apparently caused such a furor it temporarily crashed the Verizon servers.

Eventually the loafer was caught:

[T]he BBC notes the ingenious scam came to light after the employee’s company asked for an audit to investigate “anomalous activity on its virtual private network (VPN) logs” that pointed to an active VPN connection between Shenyang, China, and the employee’s workstation that appeared to be operational for months.

Should have had his flunky (or flunkies) work up a floating botnet to blur the trail, if you ask me.

(Trini sent me this, knowing what it would do to my blood pressure.)

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Early adopter cashes in

Yours truly on the then-inchoate promises of wind power, early 2004:

It’s hard to see any downside to this program. Granted, there are summer days in Oklahoma when the temperature is around 100 degrees and there isn’t enough wind to motivate a tumbleweed, let alone spin a turbine, but my A/C doesn’t care where the amps come from. And from my political point of view, it’s still a boon: it’s an environmental gesture that will actually accomplish something without a great deal of lifestyle adjustment, the Saudis don’t make a dime off it, and if some passing bird is shredded over Woodward, it will annoy PETA.

Eight years later, OG&E sends me a present:

With your help we are closer to reaching our company goal of not building incremental fossil-fuel power generation until the year 2020 or beyond. We value you as a customer and because of your lasting commitment to have wind power, we want you to have this reusable OG&E Wind Power tote as a thank you.

Guess I’ll go hug a tree. (There are a dozen on the premises.)

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And here’s MacGyver with the seven-day

You might think that TV weather guys are utterly helpless in the absence of those fancy computer displays.

Not necessarily:

Imagine if he’d had some duct tape.

(Via TV Spy.)

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The next round-up

Jeffro, pumping some diesel, clicks off the pump with 137.001 gallons showing, and asks if we’re similarly OCD:

Just to make it easier to calculate my account balances, I pump my own gas to the nearest dime.

Are you picky — do you “round it off,” or do you just run until it clicks off and call it good?

Weirdly enough, I run until it clicks, and then enough to bring it up to the next dime. And then I go home, calculate mpg, and sob: it’s winter, so instead of my usual 21-22 mpg, I’m barely over 20. In the interest of improving my statistics, I’ve been buying the same grade at the same station for the last several months. I figure I’m taking about a 3-percent hit using E10. Then again, the best tank I ever scored was running the superslab through Midwestern cornfields on 93-octane E10, breaking the 31-mpg barrier. (EPA sticker: 20/28 original; 17/25 revised.)

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The mind’s eye, decelerated

When I raved about BT’s album If the Stars Are Eternal So Are You and I last summer, it never occurred to me that there might be video worthy of it. So I was surprised at the visual feast conjured up for “13 Angels On My Broken Windowsill”: “You don’t need visuals: the brain provides its own,” I had said.

Now comes something even less likely: a video for “Our Dark Garden,” a pure mood piece.

The description:

From a concept by BT, ‘A Million Stars’ director Christopher Andrew executed a ‘macro time-lapse journey’ for the final music video, combining time-lapse photography and slow motion HD-footage over the course of six months. From April to September 2012 over 350,000 stills were taken, day and night, in Christopher’s backyard in Gloucester, MA. Produced by Stoptime341 Productions.

I’ve provided the embed here, but you really need to see this on a wider screen.

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Miserable kayaksoaker

If you’ve been reading this stuff for a year, you have at least a passing familiarity with the term “douchecanoe,” though I admittedly didn’t provide anything resembling a taxonomy of the subspecies. For that, you need LeeAnn’s description of just such a barge, a former coworker with delusions of adequacy:

In the past months, Scooter has been a revered member of the Armed Forces, a manager of a motorcycle shop, a bounty hunter, a feared and respected repo man, a member of Cirque Du Soleil, a secret agent, a bank manager, the inventor of the Grumpy Cat meme, and has had 312 girlfriends, all of whom still are obsessed with him. Scooter also maintains, despite the fact that everyone heard BossMan go ballistic and fire his sorry ass, that he quit to pursue a degree in criminology.

Scooter is well on his way to being a politician, we have all agreed.

At the very least, we need to check his cap size.

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An equal and opposite reaction

A news release from the Imperial Center at Coruscant:

The overwhelming military superiority of the Galactic Empire has been confirmed once again by the recent announcement by the President of the United States that his nation would not attempt to build a Death Star, despite the bellicose demands of the people of his tiny, aggressive planet. “It is doubtless that such a technological terror in the hands of so primitive a world would be used to upset the peace and sanctity of the citizens of the Galactic Empire,” said Governor Wilhuff Tarkin of the Outer Rim Territories. “Such destructive power can only be wielded to protect and defend by so enlightened a leader as Emperor Palpatine.”

That’s the trouble with those earthlings: they keep electing Alderaan people.

(Via Pejman Yousefzadeh.)

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Nuggets dunked

The one thing you need to know about this game was the amount of garbage time: more than ten minutes. It was OKC 95, Denver 70 after three quarters, and the starters hung around just long enough for you to remember seeing them. The Nuggets reserves put together an 11-0 run, but they’d never make it back within a dozen. “It’s like a bad accident that I can’t turn away from,” said Darnell Mayberry. The final: 117-97.

You win some, you lose some: Serge Ibaka was back, but Nick Collison sprained his right ankle and did not return. Russell Westbrook put on a show, getting most of his 32 points (12-20 from the floor) before halftime; both Kevin and Kevin weighed in with 20. (Durant went 7-12, Martin 8-12.) Overall, the Thunder shot 52 percent, and made nine of 19 treys. The major excitement, other than statistical, was waiting to see if Hasheem Thabeet would foul out. Twice in the waning moments, it looked like he would, but both times someone else was tagged with the foul.

Denver normally shoots better than 45 percent, and 2-15 from beyond the arc can’t have made George Karl happy. Kosta Koufos was satisfyingly sturdy in the middle, posting 16 points and swiping nine boards, but it’s usually not a good night when Kosta Koufos is your leading scorer. (Between them, Andre Igoudala and Danilo Gallinari were 7-20.) With the Thunder taking the ball away at every opportunity — OKC had 11 blocks and 11 steals — it’s probably remarkable that Denver broke 90.

The Nuggets will have a chance to redeem themselves at their preferred altitude Sunday. The Thunder, presumably, will be coming off a win at Dallas — though you can’t be sure of anything with Dirk Nowitzki hanging around.

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I might have known

Just a little, tiny traction boost, they say, and then suddenly you’re in the middle of an international incident.

CBC screenshot: Armstrong Used Rugs

Why don’t you come with me, little girl, on a magic carpet ride?

(Several hundred Facebook shares on this already.)

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So much at steak

Whatever else Tesla and SpaceX founder Elon Musk may be, he’s definitely not the kale-eating overlord of Mars.

A brief explanation:

[A] press representative at PETA had sent The Jane Dough staff an open letter written to SpaceX founder Elon Musk. The well-publicized launch of the SpaceX Dragon capsule last year, and Musk’s claim SpaceX would make it to Mars by 2018, got PETA thinking: “The opportunity to colonize Mars means a chance to make a fresh start, especially now that we’ve degraded our own planet by treating our fellow animals like disposable widgets, filled the air with pollution that will soon make the sky in Soylent Green look clear, and populated the Earth with so many humans that the premise of Logan’s Run starts to look practical,” the letter said.

Somebody’s been trying to sneak out of Carousel, don’t you think?

Anyway, this is how you deal with PETA. From February 2004:

Last week, PETA offered twenty grand worth of soy products or something to the folks in Slaughterville, Oklahoma, in the hopes of persuading the town to change its name to “Veggieville”.

Bill Hightower, who raises Limousin cattle in Slaughterville, came up with a counteroffer: “We’ll give them $20,000 worth of hamburger if they will move to India where they will be appreciated.”

Eventually a deal was struck that would require neither side to buy new stationery.

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Traveling on

Rather a lot of Emmy Rossum pictures hit the wire this past week, which led me to believe that she had something to promote, She does, of course, but this probably isn’t it: her second album, Sentimental Journey, due out in two weeks. The title gives it away: it’s a collection of standards, and we can always use a collection of standards, right? The first single is a version of Willie Nelson’s “Pretty Paper,” which you probably remember as a Roy Orbison hit, circa 1963. It’s about as far from “Slow Me Down,” her sort-of-hit single from 2007, as you can get.

One of the stops on Emmy’s itinerary was ABC’s daytime gabfest The View. This was reportedly shot backstage at ABC yesterday:

Emmy Rossum backstage

She continues with her day job on the Showtime series Shameless, which was probably what she was actually promoting during that whirlwind tour, inasmuch as the series’ new season (the third) started Sunday.

And I’d appreciate it if someone could name this shade of green, which I think is utterly wonderful.

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