Some dressing for your word salad?

I think she’s got far more nerve than I do:

I dare you to try it. Close your eyes like you’re preparing to meditate and just type whatever floats across your mind. No peeking! Ready? Okay. Now what? I can’t think of anything because I’m tryig to think of something. I think this is why I stopped blogging. No, actually I think I stopped because I started making more friends and then my family started reading and I started caring what people thought. I mean I’ve always sort of cared what people think about what I write, but I don’t get all weird about it because I typically try to offset my bitchiness with a litle humor and oh shit I think I just made a typo. OMG what if my fingers were on the wrong keys all along and this is a bunch of gibberish? Did I spell gibberish correctly?

Some of the things that go through my head, I don’t even want to mention, and I was that way long before I picked up NSA as a feed subscriber.

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Small-head thinking

“Mental illness,” said Hugo Schwyzer, “is a bitch.” Which is, I think, indisputably true. And to demonstrate it:

Hugo Schwyzer, the social sciences academic at Pasadena City College best known as the “porn professor,” tried to commit suicide [Thursday] night, he told the [L. A.] Weekly.

He was visiting his mother in the Monterey area, where he grew up, when it happened about 10 p.m., he said. He was placed on a 72-hour psychiatric hold at Community Hospital of the Monterey Peninsula, the professor said:

“I took an entire bottle of Klonopin,” he said. That’s a muscle relaxant and anti-anxiety drug.

Schwyzer said he’s physically OK but reiterated how the social media fallout from a sexting relationship with a sometime porn star and multiple affairs with women made his marriage “over” and sunk him into a deep depression.

The sexting relationship and the multiple affairs didn’t destroy his marriage, but Twitter did? Maybe I’ve been taking tweeting too lightly all these years.

The prof says Twitter and article comments roasting him as a woman hater and regurgitating a 15-year-old suicide attempt and attempted murder of a girlfriend have taken their toll.

Maybe it’s just me, but actually trying to kill a woman — well, I’m sorry, but that sounds like the very definition of hate to me. Sucks if that’s interfering with your love life, Prof.

And I’m with Tim Blair on this one: “Instead of Klonopin, he should try KFC. It seems to cheer up other Hugos.”

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Lightning again

I hadn’t heard of Debra Baum before she became Rebecca Black’s manager. That particular event was groundbreaking enough to insure that the next time Baum had a teenage singer to pitch, I’d pay serious attention.

And here is the singer. Meet Sabrina Lentini:

She’s just turned fifteen, from Orange County, California (stop me if you’ve heard this), and she was one of a dozen contestants — Minors, shall we say — on Majors & Minors, a music-competition series on the Hub. Among the Majors participating: Brandy, Colbie Caillat, Avril Lavigne, (Brandy was the show’s producer.) Sabrina did not win, but she did make some connections, and she’s since self-released an EP called No Price for Love. Here’s the title song:

To these ears, she splits the difference between Melanie and Colbie. (In fact, there exists footage of her singing “Brand New Key.”) And unlike RB, she’s writing her own stuff. I’m looking forward to seeing how her career progresses.

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They were right the first time

A letter to the editor, published in the Oklahoman this morning, is headlined this way:

Clip from the Oklahoman 8-5-13

The writer, of course, was talking about the Republican party, but the proofreader, or the auto-correct gizmo, had it right. If the Democrats are the Me Party, clearly the Republicans are the Me Too Party.

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Thank you for flying Air Putin

According to their Web site, the Russian airline Aeroflot is the Official Airline of Manchester United, which fact annoys a Russian Deputy Prime Minister:

Russia’s deputy prime minister criticised state-controlled airline Aeroflot’s sponsorship of English soccer club Manchester United on Tuesday, saying it appeared to show the firm favoured international over domestic interests.

Earlier in July, Aeroflot signed a five-year contract for an undisclosed sum with the English soccer champions, in a deal the airline’s chief executive said would promote Aeroflot’s brand worldwide.

“Aeroflot prefers Anglo-Saxon football and basketball clubs to our planes? I might invite them for an intimate talk,” said [Dmitry] Rogozin, known for his anti-Western rhetoric, on his Russian Twitter account.

Basketball? Oh, yes. Aeroflot has been a sponsor of the Brooklyn (formerly New Jersey) Nets since 2010, and has just renewed that relationship with the team and its owner, Russian zillionaire Mikhail Prokhorov.

Interestingly, while Aeroflot does fly into New York (JFK), they don’t yet have scheduled flights into Manchester.

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How dare you drive that?

Everybody hates sport-utility vehicles except the people who actually drive them. It’s no different in India, where there is now a legal definition of the SUV, the better to tax them with:

The government justified the move saying that SUVs occupy more space on the road, although the truth is that large sedans occupy more space than SUVs. A criteria was set and if a vehicle fits into all three, then it is classified as an SUV. Thus an SUV is a vehicle which is more than 4-metres in length, having an engine larger than 1.5-litres and a ground clearance of more than 170 mm. Indian roads are pathetic and you really need good ground clearance to prevent scraping the underbody on large and unmarked speed-breakers.

My own large sedan, 5 meters long with a 3-liter engine, meets two of the three SUV criteria, and it wouldn’t take much to jack up the suspension to meet the third.

Mahindra’s high-selling XUV5OO was hit with the tax, up to the tune of $550. What did the automaker do?

Mahindra went ahead and added a stone guard which became the lowest point of the vehicle, resulting in a reduced ground clearance of 160 mm (from 200 mm).

Which makes it a bit less roadworthy on pathetic Indian roads, but hey, this is what the government wanted, right?

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Don’t walk across that glass ceiling

You know, guys, we’re never going to make it to a post-sexist society — assuming there can be such a thing as a post-sexist society — if we keep having silly little contretemps like this:

On Friday, a baffled hacker community got a firsthand lesson in just how bizarre sexism in the tech industry can be. LinkedIn and Toptal, a small developer networking platform, essentially played a round of credibility chicken over Toptal’s advertising on the site.

The incident involved a brief attempt by LinkedIn to pull ads for female engineers — because it claimed that its users had complained about their appearance.

Said Toptal’s CEO about the matter:

We run a mixture of male and female advertisements. We’ve taken extremely professional photos of both men and women who are part of the Toptal network and made sure they looked sharp, well dressed and happy; however, LinkedIn’s internal advertising’s staff completely disagrees that they both look sharp, well dressed and happy. Actually, they believe, with 100% certainty, that the women in our advertisements are offensive and harmful to their user base.

One fairly typical comment from the sidelines, which sums up the controversy:

I glance at the two ads they’re showing there, and my first impulse is “they slapped some stock photos of attractive women on there to give male viewers an endorphin kick.” They’re a far cry from the “look! boobs!” of Evony ads, but they also don’t look like women ready for a day at the office. I know from the article that these are actual, working female engineers, but part of me wants to say that the ad designer obviously picked them for “sexy” as opposed to “professional,” and that seems sleazy and sad. But on the other hand, who the hell am I to tell any professional how to dress or style their hair? But on the third hand, if I’m right it’s not the fault of the engineers but of the ad designers…

Augh, I kinda feel like an asshole just for thinking about this.

Which may be the whole point: it’s okay to appreciate women in the 51st appearance percentile, so long as you regret it immediately afterwards.

Toptal did not, however, help their case by falling back on a few stock photos of non-engineers to, um, sweeten the deal. (“Who cares?” they asked, not expecting an answer.)

The idea that how well a woman performs as an engineer is basically independent of her appearance — one could argue that a prettier one might get her foot in the door slightly faster, but that’s not a performance issue — isn’t even being considered. Now that’s what’s sad.

Addendum: Here’s an actual Toptal profile.

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Strange search-engine queries (392)

Once more, we descend into the little room where the logs are stored and glance at the thousands of almost-identical lines, hoping something amusing in the form of a search string will jump up and catch our eye. It works a lot better than you might think it would.

he is neither a dentist nor a certified asbestos remover, neither the next rebirth of Dalai Lama:  In fact, there’s a chance he’s not even a he, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

was conway twitty on the plane with ritchie valens:  It’s only make-believe.

how many of the b53 turbine blades have been replaced by siemens:  Evidently not enough.

why isn’t nomorobo available yet?  They ran out of turbine blades.

What is a good screw funny:  Torx. You never have a driver for them, and you wind up trying to wedge an Allen wrench in there.

the word citizen is no longer used?  You’re thinking of Seattle. Other words no longer used there: “brown bag,” “viaduct,” “Sonics.”

Crown Victoria parking brake warning light on in a minute lyrics:  See what I mean? The people have had enough of silly love songs.

are the bay city rollers insulted by tartan horde songs:  Only if they’re silly.

does a white car or silver car stay cooler:  This being August, the answer is No.

kingsmen vegetables:  Just don’t go showing everyone your louie, Louie.

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Condition Redmond

A few weeks ago, Microsoft moved to restructure itself, and I don’t think they missed a single current buzzword in the announcement.

What they should have done was this:

[S]plit into two major division: Stuff That Works and Stuff That’s Crap.

The Stuff That Works will continue to support the Xbox 360, the Microsoft Mouse, Microsoft Surface Pro, and Microsoft Security Essentials.

The Stuff That’s Crap division will encompass Microsoft Windows, Microsoft Surface RT, Xbox One, and just about everything else.

There may be, however, some cross-pollination:

Products and services like Microsoft Office, which are currently slated for the Stuff That’s Crap division, could wind up in Stuff That Works, but that’s still uncertain.

It is a measure of something, surely, that no one even mentions Internet Explorer anymore.

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Polly unsaturated

For several months now, we’ve been serving up vintage hosiery ads, and somehow I had yet to do one for this famed British Superbrand, which has been making basically the same pitch for many years:

Pretty Polly advertisement

The original Pretty Polly (1901-1931) was a racehorse; as a two-year-old filly, she won all nine races in which she was entered, and she retired with a lifetime record of 22 wins in 24 starts, finishing second twice. A fitting model, wouldn’t you think?

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An overly familiar Motown record

A former resident of Detroit explains why he left:

I could give you all the conventional reasons why you’d leave a Detroit, but, for the most part, those wouldn’t be mine. The reason I was eager to leave was that Detroit was proud to be stuck where it was. It knew it was having huge problems; but it was NOT going to change the way it was doing any thing. That’s not a good attitude to have when things are going well, and an even worse one to have when things are going badly. I knew a fighter pilot who had fought in Vietnam and I asked him what he would do if he spotted an enemy plane “in his six” (directly behind you). He said, “Anyway you go is better than the way you’re going now.” Detroit seemed to think it could stand being shot at better than it could change course. Why be proud of not changing? That isn’t it exactly, it’s rejection of how you’d perceive yourself in the course of changing. Detroiters (or is it Midwesterners generally? Discuss!) reject what they would perceive as the arrogance of EastCoasters and the flakiness of WestCoasters for a more “reasonable” view of the world. Even if that perception were even vaguely true, it forgets how virtues often degenerate into parodies of themselves. What was once steadfastness becomes calcified stubbornness, well past the point of being “reasonable.” Now they wake up, find themselves billions in the hole and thinking about selling everything that isn’t nailed down, and a lot that is. Maybe some arrogant flakiness would have been better when times were more flush.

But times are less flush today, and flaky arrogance is now the rule rather than the exception. Still, I side with the fighter pilot: the most unacceptable path is the current one.

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The undistinguished member

Sally Kern’s minivan has license plate “H 84.” This is not some sort of Wicked Disclosure I’m making; that’s the way this state identifies vehicles belonging to state legislators, “H 1” through “H 101” and “S 1” through “S 48.” Whether these plates are intended to ratify some sort of legislative immunity while in transit, I couldn’t say.

Colorado legislators, on the other hand, enjoy a slightly different approach:

According to CBS Denver, the info for these particular license plates is never entered into the DMV database, so when some state senator goes zooming by a speed camera, he or she won’t get a ticket, because the camera system looks up the license plate number through the DMV. Since no info comes up, no ticket is given.

This appears to be true for parking tickets as well. See, even though a parking enforcement officer might leave a ticket on the car, cities like Denver that rely on the DMV for addresses of vehicle owners come up empty when they try to collect on those tickets.

And for all I know, Rep. Kern may have traded off that minivan by now, but the last time I saw her on the road, that’s what she was driving, and the plate would be transferable to a new vehicle. (Which is the opposite of the usual Oklahoma law, which requires that the tag stay with the car when it’s sold.)

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The true Smart Thermostat

It requires, as you see, a little bit of programming:

Thermostat with gratuitous Monty Python reference

This is, of course, from the Book of Temperaments, chapter 2, verses 9 through 21.

(Via Miss Cellania.)

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Instant blame

It’s never occurred to me to yell “Hey, Lankford, this sucks!” every time I get stuck on the Broadway Distention — mostly because I have enough sense to stay off the Broadway Distention — but were I so inclined, there’s an app for that:

A new app will let you instantly alert your elected officials when your bus is late, the highway is backed up, or your plane is stuck on the tarmac.

The I’m Stuck app, from infrastructure advocacy group Building America’s Future, is designed to give commuters a platform to let public officials know when their infrastructure is failing them. It’s a new twist on an old planning strategy of counting the number of riders and drivers who use a particular route. But instead of sending that data to planners, I’m Stuck goes directly to the folks who decide whether a project is built or a service is expanded.

Who will then, of course, ignore it. Heck, when Ernest Istook was hanging around here, he was making damn sure that we weren’t soaking up Federal largesse that might otherwise go to Salt Lake City.

Still: “Hey, Lankford, this sucks!”

(Via Autoblog.)

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Shake it out

Florence Welch once described her on-stage style as “The Lady of Shalott meets Ophelia … mixed with scary gothic bat lady.” Off-stage?

Florence Welch in New York City July 2013

Someone snagged this shot of Florence taking a walk through New York City earlier this week, and she’s anything but scary — though perhaps still heavy in your arms.

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The owner will never know

This, I am told, is the engine cover from a last-generation Hyundai Santa Fe:

Hyundai bogus engine cover

I suppose those shiny bits are intended to suggest the actual intake runners beneath. There’s just one minor detail: this engine is mounted transversely, so the cover, which suggests longitudinal mounting, is 90 (or maybe 270) degrees out of phase, completely and utterly bogus.

(Seen at; suggested here.)

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