Copies, perfect and otherwise

A recent dialogue between a teacher and a professional term-paper writer yielded up this warning:

I was alerted to plagiarism by the sudden appearance, in a paper that is otherwise a morass of grammatical errors, of a series of flawless sentences with complicated structures. The correct use of a semicolon is a big red flag for me. As is the use — and often misuse — of specialized jargon or technical language that I’ve not discussed with them in class. Then I type those sentences into Google, and they all wind up being smoking-gun cases of plagiarism.

Hmmm. I get rather a lot of those in the search logs, but examples of misuse seem to outnumber examples of use.

Although there’s still a lot of this:

My favorite case this semester was plagiarism within plagiarism. When I informed this student that I suspected her paper was plagiarized, she said to me, “I got my paper from one of the students who was in your class last semester. How was I to know that she had plagiarized?”

(Via Dispatches from the Culture Wars.)

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I’m guessing this is a 666-series

SATAN license plate in Washington State

(Found, perhaps, by a Church Lady at FAILBlog’s That Will Buff Out.)

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Strange search-engine queries (283)

About every seven days or so, we go through the logs, and once in a while we find some real comic gold, though regular readers will note that we’ll settle for pyrite — or zinc, even — if that’s all we can get.

fun t shirt speed limit 4 pisquare:  Yeah, but my speedometer is calibrated in natural logarithms.

“men who are witty”:  Get girls who are pretty. Or so I keep telling myself.

want to purchase thallanylzirconio:  NZT is to Limitless what the Nissan Skyline is to The Fast and the Furious. Your chances of getting your hands on either are essentially nil.

Sarah Palin In Garterbelt And Nylons:  Your chances of getting your hands on either are essentially nil.

Darnell Mayberry & The Lost Ogle:  Neo-bluegrass band from East Virginia with new album A Little Dobro’ll Do Ya. Featuring “Cardboard Jim” Traber.

nudist skinny dipping:  Well, that goes without saying, doesn’t it?

there’s a zombie in my brain…  Probably just foraging for food.

nine west fred allard is a jerk:  I shudder to think how you’d respond to Karl Lagerfeld at Chanel.

sexy dress to attract husband:  Yeah, but whose husband?

peter noone cut or uncut:  I have no idea. Have you asked Mrs Brown’s daughter? She’s quite lovely.

funny he doesn t look jewish:  Glad we could clear that up for you.

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Bloat, bloat on

Computer security packages — formerly known as “antivirus software” — almost invariably evolve in the same direction: fatter, slower, more intrusive. I went through seven years of Norton on the notebook, and each new incarnation was more blubbery. Worse, Symantec seemed to be charging by the perceived pound. Out it went, replaced by Eset, which behaves itself better.

Eset will be going on my desktop when license-renewal comes around, near the end of the year. Having banished CA’s product for a variety of offenses, I temporarily swapped in a freebie: Avira’s, which cost nothing more than the indignity of a single pop-up ad at each update. It was a very efficient program — their “Luke Filewalker” routine scanned 800,000 files on this box in three hours — and otherwise kept out of the way.

Then came their newest version, which wanted to install a toolbar. I went into Cee Lo Green mode and propelled it off the premises. This leaves a few months to fill, and I have filled them with, of all things, a Microsoft product.

MS Security Essentials had, I reasoned, one advantage: it might keep up with the Redmond Patch-of-the-Week Club. (This is Eset’s one small failing: if it loads up and deems you to be missing the latest and greatest Microsoft hole-filler, it whines at you.) Haven’t been able to check that yet. Its scanner, however, is thorough, if not especially speedy, and in addition to the usually-expected dubious Java exploits, it found two gag programs from the 1980s, buried in an old self-extracting Zip file, that nobody else’s scanner had so much as acknowledged.

I have also installed this on my work box, thereby saving the department the cost of one AV license. My generosity clearly knows no bounds.

(Title from Cheech y Chong.)

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And to think I paid for mine

Jhunjhunu is a city of about 115,000 in northwest India, and apparently that’s enough for the local administration:

Get sterilized and drive away in a Nano car. This is what the medical and health department of Rajasthan’s Jhunjhunu has offered people to check population growth.

Well, one person, anyway. Tata’s bodacious minicar is only one of several incentives being offered:

The prizes include a Nano car, five motorcycles, five 21-inch colour TVs and seven mixer-grinders. “The aim is to encourage sterilisation in the district,” said Jhunjhunu CMO Sitaram Sharma. Provisional Census 2011 shows an 11.8% population growth in Jhunjhunu in ten years.

(Seen at Autoblog.)

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Anachronism watch

Sonic Charmer downgrades Super 8 to about 6.5 for an excess of mistimed cultural references:

If I were to have one gripe about the film, it’s that it gets so much about the period wrong. Why bother setting a period movie so specifically — June something 1979 — if you’re not going to do your research, even basic wiki’ing:

Rubik’s cube? Not yet sorry. The Walkman? Released in Japan first, later that year. “Don’t Bring Me Down” by ELO? July 1979. The kids sing “My Sharona” — only just released, not #1 on the charts till later that year. Three Mile Island meltdown? March not June. One kid says “awesome” as kid-slang for “great”, which I’m afraid I can’t admit into evidence till perhaps 1981-82.

The ELO reference at first threw me, since the Discovery LP was in fact released in June, but he’s right: the first single off the album was “Shine a Little Love,” which was sneaked out in May. “Don’t Bring Me Down” wasn’t released as a 45 until mid-July.

Of course, what amazes me is the persistence of “awesome,” which is still in heavy rotation in the vocabularies of seemingly everyone under thirty.

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Way to encourage donations, guys

On Form 511-G, Oklahoma taxpayers due refunds can donate a portion to any of about a dozen more or less charitable organizations, including the Oklahoma Pet Overpopulation Fund and a Low Income Health Care Fund. Other states have similar programs, though Illinois does it differently: they don’t actually hand the money over to the intended organizations. Instead, they use it to pay current bills:

Illinoisans donated almost $45,000 on their 2009 state income tax returns to crisis nurseries in Illinois, part of a checkoff system designed to help charitable causes.

None of that money has reached the Crisis Nursery of Champaign County — or any other nursery across the state.

Instead, the money is being used to pay other state bills, at least temporarily.

In all, state officials have borrowed $1.176 million in fiscal 2011 from 11 tax checkoff funds, according to figures provided by the Office of Management and Budget.

The state swears it will make good:

[T]he money borrowed in fiscal 2011 by law has to be returned, plus interest, within 18 months, said Kelly Kraft, spokeswoman for the Office of Management and Budget.

Still, if word of this gets around, a lot of people will be reacting the way Marcel did:

I’ve never done that, because I didn’t trust the state. Turns out mistrust was justified.

All the more reason to spread the word, I think.

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Way to make friends, guys

Wisconsin firefighter Matt Gorniak is bringing back a locally-famous parade float:

[A] re-enactment of the famous photo of three firefighters raising the American flag amid the rubble of the World Trade Center … created a rush of emotions as it passed through three parade routes in Milwaukee County back in 2002. Crowds spontaneously rose to their feet, offering thunderous applause.

With the 10th anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks coming up later this year, Gorniak and his church’s youth group decided to revive the float in Racine’s upcoming Independence Day parade, one of the biggest in the area.

Conspicuous by their absence will be any of his fellow firefighters:

Gorniak had recently invoked a little-used provision in his union contract and opted out of membership in the Professional Fire Fighters of Wisconsin.

Members of the executive board of the Racine firefighters union ultimately decided not to support or march with his float.

How that provision works:

Under state law, public employees can drop out of the union and opt to pay just their “fair share” for the cost the union incurs for negotiating contracts. These nonvoting employees don’t have to foot the bill for the union’s political, social and ideological activities.

Officials say it is highly unusual for Wisconsin firefighters to ask to go fair share. But Gorniak — who describes himself as a born-again Christian who supports conservative politicians, including Gov. Scott Walker — filed his resignation letter and became a fair-share worker in late March or early April. He said he made the move in response to the protests in Madison over Walker’s collective-bargaining plan.

And God forbid your conscience should take precedence over the all-important Ideological Dollars.

(Via Christopher Johnson.)

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This time around, Andrew Ian Dodge is happily (I assume) CoTVing into the 4th, just in time for Independence Day, with the 428th edition of Carnival of the Vanities.

Speaking of 428, it was in that year that Armenia’s newly-minted king, Artaxias IV, was deposed. This did not bring any form of independence to the region, however: Bahram Gur, who ruled the Sassanid Empire, the last of the pre-Islamic Persian empires, annexed eastern Armenia, declared it a province, and installed a governor.

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The view from here down

This startling revelation appeared in the Telegraph:

The formula for a perfect woman’s foot is a size five, wearing three inch heels and red toe nail varnish, according to the study.

A study discovered men find size five feet, such as those belonging to Victoria Beckham, Kim Kardashian and Sophia Loren, are the most alluring.

Sophia Loren in flatsThat makes sense on this side of the pond only if you apply the conversion factor: size 5 in the UK is a 7 in the States. I question the need for the heel; I mean, really, are you going to turn away Sophia Loren in flats? (At right: Sophia Loren in flats.) And an ill-fitting shoe — lot of those going around these days — never helps matters.

Acidman, of course, would have heartily endorsed the red polish.

More years ago than I’d like to think about, I dated a woman who wore size 4. (To the Brits, that’s a 2.) She could literally stand in my hand, though I definitely preferred that she not wear heels when so doing. And she complained that finding shoes was a difficult proposition, with so many manufacturers sticking to the 5-through-10 scale.

Research by foot plaster company Compeed revealed nearly half of men will look at a woman’s feet on a first date and a third will make a character judgement based on the state of them.

That way, I suggest, lies madness. What sort of character judgment, other than “fastidious” or “not so fastidious,” can be made on that basis?

The poll of 2,000 adults found four out of ten women go to extreme lengths to cover their unkempt feet in the summer by hiding them in boots or shoes… Six out of ten women admit to trying to hide their feet from other people because they are self-conscious.

This must be something in the British temperament, because it doesn’t seem to come close to the reality of an Oklahoma summer.

(Via Fark.)

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Suffering from shrinkage

For the last several years, Formula One racers have used small (no larger than 2.4 liter) V8s, amazingly oversquare, with a rev limit of 18,000 rpm. For 2014, F1 is expected to go to a turbocharged 1.6-liter V6, the blower presumably serving as a replacement for displacement. (Then again, Ferrari’s first racers had a 1.5-liter V12.)

It must be noted, though, that what F1 was originally planning was a four-cylinder engine, apparently for the sake of Perceived Greenness. If that’s the goal, Tim Blair suggests a better way of getting there:

…a simple fuel rule that would give all competitors a fixed amount per race — setting engineers the challenge of extracting the best performance from that amount, by whatever means they choose.

You can’t get a whole lot greener than that, since the penalty for using too much fuel is the worst possible for a racer: a DNF. But F1, like present-day NASCAR, is obsessed with reducing the differences between cars, under the delusion that it will put the audience’s focus squarely on driving skill. Anyone who’s ever been to a “run what you brung” event is probably already laughing.

And speaking of F1, they’re bringing their road show to Austin, Texas, a place I dearly love, but you may be certain that Portland-on-the-Colorado is getting in its Greener Than Thou licks.

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A real Roxanne

You, however, can call her Rocsi:

Rocsi on 106 & Park

Rocsi, born Raquel Roxanne Diaz in Honduras in 1983, is a host of BET’s 106 & Park, a television series that used to be produced at, yes, 106th Street and Park Avenue, until Viacom bought out BET and moved production to an existing CBS facility a few miles to the south.

Rocsi was barely a year old when the Roxanne Wars broke out, so take the title here with several grains of salt.

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Customer servile

Please allow me to quote myself:

Communications from Infiniti to yours truly have always been somewhat obsequious, the presumption being that an owner of one of these glorified Nissans somehow expects this sort of thing, or at least will respond to the corporate up-suck.

Especially, you know, after a two-page service invoice, which says up in the corner:

note: Infiniti may call and/or send you a C.S.I. survey. If for any reason you can not answer ***Excellent*** on the phone survey or the written survey please contact us!!

LeeAnn, of course, is onto this sort of scheme:

[T]he main thing is, and I learned this from a few In The Know people, unless you give the superlative answer to all questions, it doesn’t count. It goes all null and void and you might as well have accused them of sleeping with livestock or being politicians.

And indeed I have gotten better-than-decent service from this dealer, five years running, but I really dislike the idea that I’m contributing to some form of grade inflation. I’ve already blown off the phone survey; let’s see if they send me a letter.

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Quote of the week

Zombie apocalypse? Nothing so exciting, predicts Tam:

Every year, the shelves of America creak louder under ever-thickening volumes of federal, state and local laws and regulations, codes and ordinances. I’m telling you, while all the worrywarts are handwringing about the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland, it’s gonna be some law library in New Jersey that collapses into a singularity and destroys the planet…

I figure they’ll blame Chris Christie for not taxing that black hole when he had the chance.

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Fark blurb of the week

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You know what it is

Is Rebecca Black last Friday’s news? ABC’s Good Morning America (where she once sang an “unplugged” version of That Song) and Ark Music Factory (where the original video was produced) held a Los Angeles-area competition to find the next teenage viral-video star, and here’s your, or at least their, winner:

And it’s getting positive response so far on YouTube. Then again, it was negative response that created the Rebecca Black phenomenon. I’ll say only that I like this particular tune, and I wish Lexi St. George all the best. Hope that wasn’t a complete buzzkill.

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