After five days of antibiotics to aid my bladder issues, it seemed the perfect time for some rogue virus to wander by and torment me for a week or so. As is often the case with such infections, there was a lot of sneezing at sub-ludicrous speed:
The Guinness Book of Records has the record set at 115 m/ph.
Up to 40,000 droplets (particles) can be ejected from your nose and can travel a distance of 2 to 3 metres.
And from this chair, that’s quite enough to splatter the monitor with something vaguely reminiscent of greasy, grimy gopher guts.
Which inevitably led me to this perfectly deadpan description:
Dating back to at least the mid-20th century, the song is sung to the tune of “The Old Gray Mare”. The song, especially popular in school lunchrooms and at summer camps, presents macabre horrors through cheerful comedy while allowing children to explore taboo images and words especially as they relate to standards of cleanliness and dining. Many local and regional variations of the lyrics exist, but whatever variant, they always entail extensive use of the literary phonetic device known as an alliteration which helps to provide an amusing description of animal body parts and fluids not normally consumed by Americans.
At the bottom of the page was a reference to Loudon Wainwright III’s “Dead Skunk”, which seemed logical; however, I did not in any way expect to find this:
The song has replaced the traditional “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” as the 7th inning stretch song at Georgia Institute of Technology Russ Chandler Baseball Stadium.
Okay, you wouldn’t expect the Ramblin’ Wrecks to be droning “Sweet Caroline,” but geez.