What sort of couple would forgo wedding gifts in favor of a donation to the Obama reelection campaign? This kind, apparently:
Oh, you know the type. “Wedding” is probably not anywhere on the invitation because “marriage” is an outdated, Patriarchal concept that is merely a manifestation of the sexism inherent in the relationship between people who society has instructed belong to separate genders, when we know that gender is just really a cultural construct, so we’re really having a “handfasting” or a “sand-combining” or some other pagan hippie sh*t in a re-purposed garage or a “alternative wedding location.” And there won’t be dancing or booze or anything because although we’re totally celebrating our decision to commit our lives to each other, we want to stress that the end result for all married couples is either death or divorce. And the food will be vegan. And sourced from Dumpsters.
Worst goddam wedding ever.
This, of course, is the best wedding ever, and yes, it involves herbivores.