Real-world shoes

Most of the time, a shoe report from these quarters will elicit a comment, perhaps submitted, perhaps just spoken out loud, to the effect that Normal Women couldn’t possibly be seen in those shoes because they cost too much or they look too implausible or they’re impossible to walk in.

With that in mind, here are three pairs of shoes known to be owned by a Normal Woman — just down the street, in fact — which she’s willing to sacrifice from the collection:

From the PippinPearl shoe offering 12/13

All the stuff she’s trying to move can be seen here. The shoes are size 8 or 8½.

Comments (2)




Endorsed by Buster Friendly

This is, as Karen Geier tweets, a question for the ages:

Back cover of Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by Philip K. Dick

Cindi Mayweather was not available for comment.

Comments (2)




Test deprive

I think we can safely assume that the questioner here is not living particularly large:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: Why do some people have it all in life, and others have nothing?

This appears to be his description of having it all:

Being born with a huge penis, becoming filthy rich.. Driving rolls Royce’s and living in mansions on the beach. Married to beautiful women eating steak and drinking champagne every night. While some are born into hell.. Living in dirt huts with flys surrounding them.

I suspect there’s a middle ground somewhere: a smallish house, decidedly inland, with occasional flies on the outside. Then again, that’s my place, and you can’t have it. Nyah.

Comments (7)




Thou shalt pay here

Near the bottom of any conceivable automotive market is the buy-here-pay-here dealer: you know going in, or should know anyway, that the interest rate will be stratospheric, the vehicle’s condition will be questionable, and the terms will be unforgiving.

Now: is BHPH compatible with JHVH? The following flyer was stuck under a wiper while I was grocery-shopping:

If your family is like most, you are struggling between buying the kids some Christmas presents or getting the family that much needed newer car. We are here to help solve that problem. <><

Our cars, trucks, and vans start at $1,000 and go to $7,195 with down payments as low as $500 to $2,000 depending on your stability factors. All it takes is just a few minutes to drop by the lot to look at our selection of second generation cars, trucks, and vans. <><

So saith By Faith Auto Sales, 19th and MacArthur, including the little fish-y brackets. The flyer, it says, doubles as a $250 “gift certificate.” And it does say not to bring it out until they start the paperwork, which strikes me as a good sign, but I’m still a trifle suspicious of the whole thing: it’s like the Godfather suddenly resurfaced as the Archbishop.

Comments (1)




Quote of the week

Josh, who writes pony stories under a pseudonym, also occasionally comes up with more generalized commentary:

Those Greenpeace ‘activists’. You can’t believe how much of a show they’re making of it over here. They are viewed as heroes of some sort or something. Jesus Christ. Those five people don’t have a right to be called Britons. They are a plight of my nation. Instead of working and providing for their families, and contributing to the society they live in, they decided to focus their attention on some meaningless global issues, and all while invading another country’s ship, no less! That’s like Yankees deciding they have the right to meddle in other nations’ affairs. Jeez, we’re Brits. We need to remain moderate. Moderation is what makes our nation. Now that I see Brits marching on parades, and taking part in ridiculous acts like invading some ship for the sake of some Arctic whatever, I have a sour feeling that this nation’s decadence is reaching its peak. Ironically enough, Scots are mobilising in terms of national identity, something that the English have failed to do for a while already.

I wonder when people will stop chiming in other people’s affairs and just live their lives and focus on the small things. I don’t see people from, say, Switzerland, giving a damn about the global affairs. Way to go! I’m honest here. They are the nation to be taken as an example. Good job, Switzerland. Good job.

One point Josh didn’t make, but could have: were Vladimir Putin just slightly less concerned with Russia’s public image — the Olympics are coming up, after all — the activists would still be languishing in St. Petersburg’s jails.

Comments off




Never one to desert

We have here Swinging London icon Marianne Faithfull at her 60s, um, 60s-est:

Marianne Faithfull in the mid-1960s

In her 67 years (as of tomorrow) she’s seen several lifetime’s worth of experiences, including a liaison with Mick Jagger (which may or may not explain why she has a writing credit on “Sister Morphine”), a spate of drug abuse in the Seventies (which may or may not explain why she has a writing credit on “Sister Morphine”), a tremendous comeback album (Broken English, 1979), and recordings right up to the present day.

My favorite Faithfull recording was, and is, the 1965 single “Summer Nights,” heard here in an “alternate/rare version” which is actually the US 45. (All the greatest-hits packages have a stereo mix with a different vocal track.)

“Summer Nights” is sweet. My second-favorite Faithfull recording is “Why D’Ya Do It,” the ferocious last track of Broken English, heard here in a 1993 live recording that isn’t even slightly safe for work.

Oh, and she’s the current Baroness von Sacher-Masoch.

(Lots of photos, early and late, at Faithfull Forever.)

Comments (2)




Crazy from the (lack of) heat

Stumbled across this at Tatyana’s place, and decided to give it a signal boost:

Chicago versus Houston

For reference, the average January high in Oklahoma City is 50. In 2012, an unusually bad year, we had 99 homicides, which is about 15.5 per 100k population.

Comments (3)




The frognosticator

Vaguely amphibian political consultant Dick Morris is making predictions again:

Morris says Republicans will capture the Senate in 2014. “We need six seats to win the Senate,” he says. “Three of them, as I’ve said, are easy pickups: West Virginia, South Dakota and Montana. All three of them have retiring Democratic incumbents, very strong Republican candidates and very weak Democrats running for the seat.” Morris said the real test will come in four crucial states: Alaska, Arkansas, Louisiana and North Carolina.

You may remember Morris’ last bold prediction: Romney 325, Obama 213.

Comments (2)




And the front seat rules

Some things I was wondering about, answered by the California Department of Motor Vehicles:

You must:

  • Be at least 16 years old.
  • Prove that you have finished both driver education and driver training.
  • Have had a California instruction permit or an instruction permit from another state for at least six months.
  • Provide parent(s) or guardian(s) signature(s) on your instruction permit stating that you have completed 50 hours of supervised driving practice (10 hours must be night driving) as outlined in the California Parent-Teen Training Guide (DL 603). Visit the Teen website at www.dmv.ca.gov/teenweb/ or call 1-800-777-0133 to request this booklet.
  • Pass the behind-the-wheel driving test. You have three chances to pass the driving test while your permit is valid. If you fail the behind-the-wheel driving test, you must pay a retest fee for a second or subsequent test and wait two weeks before you are retested.

Once you have your provisional driver license, you may drive alone, as long as you do not have any collisions or traffic violations.

Which explains how it is that Rebecca Black, aged sixteen years, six months and six days, drove herself to the KTLA studios on Sunset this morning to appear on a news-like show.

Also discovered this morning: “Saturday,” her duet with Dave Days, has made the Billboard Hot 100, charting at #55 — three positions higher than “Friday.”

And for laughs, RB turned loose four minutes’ worth of outtakes from her last six months’ worth of vlogs. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of reading the comments — you never read the comments — and happened upon this:

Rebecca, do you know what a brony is

Oh, dear God.

Comments (1)




Post-Russ 2.0

This probably says as much as anything else:

Russell Westbrook’s third knee operation set things in motion for a Thunder collapse in Charlotte, and OKC’s meager 62 points through three quarters suggested that they might do exactly that — except for the fact that the Bobcats only had 60 at the time. And the ‘Cats, down eight with two minutes left, pulled to within one; Josh McRoberts just missed a trey in the waning seconds, and two Thabo Sefolosha free throws sealed the deal for the Thunder, 89-85.

By no means was this a display of offense: Charlotte hit 30 of 80 shots (37.5 percent), OKC 33 of 80 (41.3). The ‘Cats missed four free throws; the Thunder missed nine. Charlotte put up 23 treys and made nine; OKC tossed up 25 and made eight. Still, four of the five Charlotte starters reached double figures, led by Kemba Walker with 18; stalwart Al Jefferson delivered 16 points and collected 11 rebounds.

It definitely wasn’t Reggie Jackson’s night. Starting in place of Westbrook, he hoisted brick after brick, 4-19 in all. Still, that’s 10 points, the same as Temporary Sixth Man Jeremy Lamb. Kendrick Perkins didn’t hit a shot all night, but he knows how to guard the likes of Jefferson, and he wound up with ten boards. And then there’s Kevin Durant. Radio guy Matt Pinto had mentioned earlier that KD scored, on average, fewer points against the Bobcats than against any other NBA team. Durant promptly knocked down 14 in the fourth quarter for 34, making me wonder if he’d heard. (Oh, he knew. KD always knows.)

Still, bigger challenges are coming, starting Sunday against Houston; in a severely twisted twist of fate, the Rockets will be missing Patrick Beverley.

Comments off




Brinestorm

Once again, we behold the power of cheese:

The state of Wisconsin has developed a way to use dairy products to actually unblock something: Icy roads.

State highway departments will combine cheese brine, a salty water mixture left after cheese has been processed, with their rock salt to help melt ice on roadways.

I figure it can’t be any worse for the undercarriage of your ’92 Civic than the existing road curd crud.

Comments (2)




The unintentional hypermiler

McGehee is trying to give the impression that he’s being lulled into submission by a dashboard fuel-economy gauge:

It shows an accumulating average MPG since the last reset, as well as an estimated range on the current fuel level (this after almost ten years without a fuel gauge in the Bronco) and a realtime graph displaying the current MPG based on current fuel consumption and actual motion, with a marker showing where the current average is so you can see whether you’re improving your average or undercutting it.

I famously eschew these things: I figure, not unreasonably, that if I start paying attention to such matters, it will affect my driving, and not in any positive way. This is why I reset the B trip meter every time I gas up — and then switch back to the A meter so I don’t have to look at it. (I usually use the A meter for Miles Since Last Oil Change, which is currently about 730.)

Besides, I’m not the only one who doesn’t necessarily benefit by the standard fuel-saving techniques:

I am also finding that my idea of best driving — conditions and practices both — seems to be about the thriftiest way to drive there is. I wouldn’t have expected this, mainly because my idea of best driving is solely a matter of temperament rather than conscious frugality.

I’ve beaten the EPA numbers on my last three vehicles, by a small margin according to the original stickers, and by a hell of a lot according to the 2008 recalculations. Gwendolyn, say the Feds, should get 17 in the city and 25 on the highway; I think I’ve had two tanks under 20 mpg in the last seven years. Keep in mind that this car is 13 years old and has run nearly 150,000 miles. Then again, I am not known for stinting on maintenance.

Comments off




Sterility ensues

I am actually a fan of universal contraception, not so much because I think Sandra Fluke deserves a ride now and then, but because some people simply don’t have any business reproducing, and this, assuming she actually exists, is definitely one of them:

Boys should not be breastfed because feminism

Then again, I could be unnecessarily alarmist here: what the hell kind of self-respecting male would allow his seed in the same room as this person, let alone sow it there? I concede that there are males who lack self-respect and will consider themselves fortunate to be allowed on the premises, but this is the exact point where Ouroboros gets his first lick of tail.

(First seen here.)

Comments (1)




Snip-a-dee doo-dah

I concede the truth of Robert Stacy McCain’s title: “Two Words You Probably Never Want to Think About: ‘Botched Vasectomy’.” Apparently someone on the receiving end of same went berserk and shot three people, one of them (a urologist) fatally, before turning the gun on himself.

McCain — who, incidentally, has six kids — states the following for record:

  1. Nobody’s getting anywhere near my scrotum with a knife; and
  2. If you decide to undergo “an inhumane medical procedure from hell,” you’ve got to be prepared to deal with it.

I offer two additional bits of guidance:

  • Pay cash;
  • Have this done when you’re young enough to shrug it off after a few days. (I was twenty-eight; Mr. Grieved here was in his late forties.)

Otherwise, well, you can buy a hell of a lot of Trojans for the price of an outpatient visit.

Aside: Why can’t we train these people to shoot themselves first? It would do wonders for the death toll.

Comments off




Not the best idea ever

Still, there will always be someone to ask:

Yahoo Answers screenshot What happens when you delete C:\?

On the other hand, if this be trollage, it’s pretty seamless.

Comments (1)




Meanwhile in Ponyville

I’ve spent a lot of time plugging my own stories, occasionally noting connections that somehow exist between that world and this one. (And possibly other worlds as well: a reader told me yesterday that I’d somehow evoked the tale of Aragorn and Arwen from The Lord of the Rings for him.)

But this is someone else’s story, and I’m urging you to read it because — well, just because. It’s about 13,000 words. It’s called There Is Love Beyond What Lingers, it came out late on Christmas Day, and I’m hoping that none of you have ever been in this situation, or ever will be.

Comments (2)