Worth getting up for

The new, improved Breakfast of Champions:

We went to the breakfast buffet at Golden Corral and decimated the bacon tray.


Just so you know we had a balanced breakfast, we also had cheesy hashbrowns, very oily homefries, gravy that was last used as salty spackle on the International Space Station, and an apple slice drowned in the caramel fountain.

Sorry, no calorie count: it’s too much trouble to do scientific notation in HTML.

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Move over, darling

No, seriously. Move it on over. Now.

Doris Day rolls on

This has been just one of 28 Cringe-Worthy Vintage Product Endorsements you’ll find at Collectors Weekly.

(Via Miss Cellania.)

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Young blood, and then some

There is something seriously wrong with this:

Three British liberals are feeling the heat these days, as well they should: Harriet Harman (Deputy Leader of the Labour Party), her MP husband Jack Dromey, and former minister Patricia Hewitt have been found by a Daily Mail investigation to have supported and promoted the agenda of a group called the PIE (Paedophile Information Exchange) through the NCCL (National Council for Civil Liberties). All three were ‘leading officials’ of the NCCL in the 70s/80s, which worked for four years with the PIE, a group of shameless, predatory child-molesters who lobbied to lower the age of consent to just four years old.

PIE, as it happens, was officially disbanded in 1984. And hairs were split: what PIE had said about four-year-olds was that they can “communicate verbally their consent to sex.” One must presume that they are also capable of communicating verbally well enough to deny consent.

And anyway, four-year-olds were of comparatively minor interest to PIE:

In 1978–9, the Paedophile Information Exchange surveyed its members and found that they were most attracted to girls aged 8–11 and boys aged 11–15.

Well, that’s different.

Maybe I’m old-fashioned in some regards. But I persist in thinking that fiddling about with jailbait should result in jail — or gaol, if they’d rather.

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They gotta wear shades

The Friar returns to the Old School, and the level of sartorial splendor is essentially unchanged after all these years:

Undergraduates are still as cute as puppies, from the young women who wear wildly inappropriate clothing (knee-boots with tights and a T-shirt that allows other people signifcant information about undergarments) to the young men who still haven’t learned how to put the bill of their caps in the front. When I was here I was a decrepit 28 years old, so I was never “one of them,” always observing undergrad culture from a different perspective. So I can mock them and ignore how we tried to dress like Duran Duran and Pat Benatar. Although when visiting a nearby restaurant popular with the Greek-letter set I will say I saw more Wayfarers than I had since 1984.

Not to waste my best shot or anything, but Pat Benatar these days looks like a very successful mommyblogger — not that you can say things like that anymore.

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So last-century

“Style is originality; fashion is fascism. The two are eternally and unalterably opposed.” — Lester Bangs

As Lynn sees it:

I have never been fashionable and I’ve always taken pride in refusing to follow the crowd. That’s still true now but at the same time I realize that, at my age, people don’t see a rebel doing her own thing, willfully ignoring the fashion world; they just see an older woman who can’t keep up. And I have to admit that today’s fashions confuse me a little bit. What is in? There doesn’t seem to be one overall kind of look like there was in earlier decades. You can look at picture of a woman from the 60s and immediately recognize it as 60s or a woman from the 70s and immediately recognize it as 70s but current fashion? Well, maybe I am just an older woman who can’t keep up because I just can’t get a handle on the modern look. I wouldn’t know how to be fashionable in this decade even if I wanted to.

And if you ask me — not that you should or anything — anyone over 29 who wants to look like Miley needs to contemplate looking like someone else.

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The squamous is not for the squeamish

Only “Internal Revenue Service” comes close to evoking the sheer terror that comes with the word “cancer.”

Taylor Evan Fulks fights the skin-based variety. Lots of detail and, yes, graphic-ish photos, as she tells you about the ongoing battle with unruly cells — which, she says, was pretty much her own fault:

I was stupid as a teen and an adult. I lived in the sun, coached softball in the sun (sans sunscreen), and when tanning beds came into vogue, I had a membership at two different salons … I went the max time, twice a day, everyday. I used cooking oil, baby oil, sheets of Reynolds Wrap to reflect the sun, and every known tanning bed intensifier there was on the market. No one else is to blame. I did this to myself.

In other news, there are tanning-bed intensifiers.

If you have skin, you probably should read this. Here’s the link again.

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Starkness all around

This was arguably the most frightening thing I saw online all last week:

A medical volunteer who’d gone to Kiev, she’d just been shot.

I am delighted to note that she’s alive and (almost) well.

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Your next Invisible Woman

Fox persists in its dream of making some money off the Fantastic Four, and in its next reboot of the series, due next year, Kate Mara will play Susan Storm. She will probably not wear anything like this:

Kate Mara from 3-14 GQ

Not that Reed Richards would notice, egghead that he is.

Kate is the older sister of Rooney Mara. Both Kate and Rooney have the same middle name, which is, um, Rooney. (Rooney’s first name is Patricia.)

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A bit of embellishment

The March Playboy Raw Data section contains this unsourced statistic:

54% of online daters feel someone else “seriously misrepresented themselves” in their profile.

I’m guessing the other 46% misrepresented themselves frivolously.

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Forever twelve

Well, maybe eleven:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: Do you know anyone who has seen a fully 100% naked women in real life?

Um, yeah, but I’m not quite sure how to respond to this:

Amd if so was it cool or totally hectic!?

The two reactions are not mutually exclusive.

Oh, there’s one more question:

And also how do you get more twitter followers?

Avoiding questions about naked women has worked pretty well for me.

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Strange search-engine queries (421)

Last week, a couple thousand people visited this site. Some of them were looking for something specific. And if it was (1) specific and (2) weird, it’s listed here.

generic limerick:  There once was an A who did B / In front of a horrified C; / The sight of his D / Made her cry loudly, “E!” / And we’re happy this ends before Z.

does jason scheff use autotune?  To sound like Peter Cetera? Please.

Brian Northcott gratis pornofilme:  Probably doesn’t use Auto-Tune either.

recently did engine overhaul on my mazda 626 y5 but nw my gears won’t shift:  Aw, that’s too bad. Have you tried Auto-Tune?

You Need Your Thumb to Vacuum Clean – Here Comes Honey Boo Boo:  If I may suggest an alternate use for that thumb … but never mind.

automatic transmission o/d solenoid explained:  If the solenoid is working, the shift occurs; if not, it doesn’t. Even Honey Boo Boo can figure that one out.

prayer is the best gift from god. No cost but lots of reward:  You still shouldn’t count on it to fix your transmission solenoids.

should i turn simulated stereo off:  It’s okay with me.

hank you, i appreciate your sympathy. since i don’t have anyone in my life at this moment i got involved in a greenpeace project at the arctic circle i’m:  Surprised that anyone connected with Greenpeace would know anyone named Hank.

Incidentally, someone from uscc.net dropped by Saturday night, seeking information specifically from this site on four local broadcast stations: KOKH, KKNG, KAUT and KTUZ. I have no idea what for.

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I hurt myself today

No, I’m not going all Trent Reznor all of a sudden. But damn, I don’t remember being this fragile.

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Fark blurb of the week

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A slightly larger dab

Some products become icons for no reason you can imagine, but that doesn’t make them any less iconic. Historically, we can cite the case of Barrington Womble, drummer for the Rutles: the Prefab Four persuaded him to change his name to Barry Wom, to save time, and his hairstyle, to save Brylcreem. Many years later, Stephen Colbert referred to Ted Cruz as a “Texas senator and Brylcreem storage facility.”

If your next question is “Can you even buy Brylcreem these days?” the answer is Yes: they have their very own Facebook page with a purchase link, and they took out a full-page ad in the March Playboy, featuring a model that looked like a younger version of that month’s Interview subject, Gawker’s Nick Denton. Their new slogan is “Brilliantly Classic Hair Cream,” a suitable description for a product that has survived 86 years on the market, and the pitch is to those who want to look retro, but not too retro: not everyone wants or needs to be Don Draper.

And most of you probably remember something like this:

Read the rest of this entry »

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Clipped yet again

Life was simpler when the Los Angeles Clippers used to suck. But the Clippers don’t suck anymore — haven’t for a long time — and they rolled up 44 points in the second quarter of this afternoon skirmish to take a 72-68 lead into the locker room, radio guy Matt Pinto intoning solemnly that the Clips hadn’t lost a game all year in which they’d made nine treys.

They didn’t lose this one, either; thirteen 3-point attempts succeeded, out of 30 tries, and the Clips, after a 112-112 tie with three minutes left, finished with a 13-5 run to give them a 125-117 win over the Thunder and two out of three in the season series, with one to go.

Doc Rivers, recipient of one of three Clippers technicals, played only nine men, and the four reserves scored only nine. It didn’t matter: the two lowest-scoring starters, DeAndre Jordan and Chris Paul, had 18 points each and double-doubles for their effort. Jamal Crawford led the Clips with a startling 36.

OKC was just about as good from outside the circle — 12-29, including five in a row from Derek Fisher — but too many short-range shots failed to connect. Kevin Durant, who played all but two minutes, led all players with 42, though he missed his last two foul shots, either of which would have tied the game at the time. Serge Ibaka managed 20 points out of 10-16 shooting; Russell Westbrook, still restricted to 25 minutes, went 3-13 for 13 points but did manage six assists. Steven Adams, starting in place of Kendrick Perkins, turned in a Perkazoid line: one point, one block, six rebounds. The problem, as it seemed to me, is that they could block either the long ball or the paint, but not both, and the Clips are adept enough to shift from one possibility to the other without having to hand over the ball.

Next four games at home include two potential creampuffs (Cleveland, Philadelphia), one potential problem (Charlotte), and one genuine difficulty (Memphis).

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What’s up, docs?

When I moved out of IBM’s Big Iron and into the midrange — System/36, AS400, System i — there was one thing I could always count on: enormous binders full of A-level tech-speak, which maybe, just maybe, included the answer to my current question.

Big Blue now seeks Big Consolidation:

IBM will soon be providing a new “one-stop shop” for all your IBM product information needs, including IBM i. This new “Knowledge Center” contains all of the individual IBM Information Center documentation under one system. It’s designed this way to make it much easier to search and find content from any interest area, and to give you the ability to customize your own knowledge space.

All of the Information Center documentation for IBM i releases 6.1 and 7.1 have been migrated to this new framework, and when 7.2 comes out later this year, all of its information will be accessed using Knowledge Center. Eventually the saved and bookmarked links to your favorite pages and content will be redirected to its new home in Knowledge Center.

I still, however, reserve the right to keep a small binder of pages I look at on a regular basis.

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