Other theaters of engagement

Everybody hates spam. For all I know, even spammers hate spam; telemarketers (spammers with dial equipment) are probably not happy when I call them out on Twitter. However, I seem to get less of it than most. From the WordPress dashboard here:

Akismet has protected your site from 40,195 spam comments already. There’s nothing in your spam queue at the moment.

Now this is a low-volume sort of site, with 250-350 visitors a day. I’d expect someone with twice the traffic to get at least twice the spam, maybe more. But this kind of floors me:

[T]he cleanup of spam … initially involves deleting the contents of the spam filter. You’ll understand how important that filter is when I tell you that I delete about 10,000 spam comments a day. Spam must be profitable in gaming the Google algorithm, or whatever the goals are, because it has proliferated in recent years to a point that would be completely overwhelming without the spam filter.

Then again, I have one more tool at my disposal: a plugin that bans spamming IPs, a whole bank at a time if need be. It’s not 100-percent reliable — there are always ways to sneak past a barrier — but I’ve denied entry to approximately 1.2 million would-be spammers.

Still, 1.2 million, for someone getting ten thousand a day, is barely four months’ worth.

Comments




Le spam

This was received in French, ostensibly from an .ru domain:

Hello,

I have a little question; Here I found the craft that I want in my price I credit institution set to be “good” in the purchases of debt the credit period etc …

We started to oralament agreement with the real estate agency Evian on tafif after consultation with the people selling

Now we will sign sale documents.

How’s it going?

On signing the sales agreement, I have to pay a security deposit is that credit union can lend me?

Should I take a notary or I can take buyer / seller the same?

What documents do I require at this signature?

Have you been full of my credit institution after signing the agreement to have the most interesting rate? Or do you keep your bank?

I have some work to do in; presented in compliance etc … and installation of a wood stove; how to make specifications to globalize my loan?

His is done before signing the sales documents or evaluating the work “the fishy”?

In short how did you expect to benefit for the pinel law , or estate tax exemption of the law duflot

In addition, I ask myself if I have the opportunity to have a new apartment. If that can back up my alley.

It’s true, I think, a new home is better because it meets all new heating safety standards etc ..

I read on the internet that there had laws of deficaliation, pigeon, I’m not taxable.

How it’s going?

In addition, I want to change regions, is one of my goal and my children to school.

full of questions …

“Oralment.” Cool.

Comments




Head ’em up

Fished out of the spam trap for some inexplicable reason:

However, there is another standpoint that only one single image gains market recognition is not enough because its figure is too stuffless. My favorite feature about the Weather Bug app is the temperature display in the notification bar which gives you the current conditions and can also notify you of severe weather.

All these would make excellent add ons to any Angry Birds themed favor box.

I focused on those two words “favor box,” and after a few seconds remembered Gil Favor, the trail boss on the old Rawhide series, played by Eric Fleming. (Rowdy Yates, the, um, rowdy fellow played by Clint Eastwood, didn’t become trail boss until the eighth and final season.) I’m pretty sure neither Gil nor Rowdy had much truck with angry birds.

Comments (3)




Nor will croutons help

I’ve perhaps too lightly tossed around the term “word salad,” but I’m pretty sure this piece of comment spam (picked up elsewhere) at the very least deserves a sneeze guard:

Walking quite Walking might not be actually wow play profound, But then I develop into darned when it n’t most of usually unquestionably this particular saddest movie I before set up. Subsequent you shelter, A new consistent gentleman trying to outlive one particular zombie apocalypse during the time safe guarding a little daughter child who were trapped by compact rrn a very treehouse. While doing the mission, You earn advanced one another watching kids shut off, And in addition waste really does reach an blower in certainly lovely unbearable stylish.

I figure I have plenty of examples of “certainly lovely unbearable stylish” in the picture archives around here (5300 images on site, about 75,000 on my home box). Then again, I strive to be a consistent gentleman.

Comments (3)




Thieves, honor, and so forth

Incoming comment spam, in the WordPress system, always has an email address attached, and almost always carries the URL of some alleged site. WordPress, if it’s not otherwise occupied, will actually attempt to display that alleged site in a frame if you hover over it. Often as not, the “site” comes up 404, and most of the time that it doesn’t, it’s not worth looking at.

Last night, though, was a first: a site that scolded me for having an ad blocker turned on.

Understand this. A spammer scolded me for blocking his ads. On the Gall Spectrum, this places right around Purely Unmitigated.

Rather than drop an email into the proffered address, which is probably bogus anyway, I have decided simply to block the miscreant’s IP address. And no, I’m not giving him a link either.

(Oh, you wanted to know the offending IP? Well, it is subject to change. However, I’m pretty sure you’ll never, ever get anything useful from 95.105.127.113.)

Comments




More useless advice

Recently arrived in the spam trap:

Have you ever thought about adding a little bit more than just your articles? I mean, what you say is valuable and everything. However think of if you added some great visuals or video clips to give your posts more, “pop”! Your content is excellent but with pics and videos, this website could undeniably be one of the very best in its field. Very good blog!

This might have carried a little more weight had the sender been identified as something other than “Free porn XXX Slut MILF.”

Comments (3)




Takes more than a pocket protector

This bit of whimsy landed at a site I run on the side:

Also, they offer you their services at the time when you have a tenant moving out and need to have the locks changed before the new one cann [sic] arrive. One well equipped peen — which certainly needs a pocket protector before I carry it around — can function as a grenade. In this case, make some research early on even before the actual unfortunate incident can happen.

Mostly, this is a test to see if “well equipped peen” shows up in the search logs. And come to think of it, how would you determine if some random peen was, in fact, “well equipped”? Most descriptions of such objects are, um, sort of one-dimensional. (Two, if the word “girth” appears anywhere in the same paragraph.)

Disclosure: Yes, I own a ball-peen hammer.

Comments off




Sort of a moat

Since I installed WordPress in the fall of 2008, the Akismet plugin has thwarted just under 40,000 spams. To me, this seems like a lot; but to WordPress oldtimers, this is a rounding error. Then again, I have a second line of defense: a handy little device called WP-Ban, which does a pretty fair job of keeping out known offending IP ranges. Even after a recent update, though, it was taking a couple of minutes to add a single IP to the ban list, and after watching things unfold in realtime, I decided to reset its counter.

As of yesterday, WP-Ban had turned away 923,242 intrusions, some IPs with only one or two tries, some with several thousand. So maybe, instead of forty thousand spams, I’d have had close to a million by now. It’s a discouraging thought, to say the least; then again, picking them out by hand is no fun for anyone, unless they’re inadvertently amusing.

Comments off




Sez the bot

Received in the comment-spam trap:

Hello admin, i see your page needs fresh articles. If you are too lazy to write unique posts everyday you should search in google for: [name redacted] Essential Tool

Followed thirty seconds later by:

Hello admin, i see your page needs fresh articles. If you are too lazy to write unique posts everyday you should search in google for: [name redacted] Essential Tool

Dear spammer, I see your output is dull and repetitive. If you are too lazy to write unique commercial pitches every day you should fold yourself at a ninety-degree angle and kiss your ass goodbye.

Comments (2)




Toss up some more word salad

This item came into the spam trap yesterday, and it came this close to making some sort of sense:

One of the nice things about Trash the Dress photography shoots is that most shoots are done outdoors, allowing the natural light to become another element in the photo shoot. Scientists believe that if nothing is done to stop global warming, by the year 2100 the earth’s temperature will increase by 3.

Tax Assistance by your leading governance in addition to the company-pilot provinces but cities bankruptcy responsibility. A bright scarf or jacket in a color that looks good on you can be worn with a white dress. That means having at least a jean jacket and a cotton one available. Full sleeves, narrow sleeves, sleeveless styles have come and gone and come again. In the study, the researchers had a number of women from two groups, the frequent high heel wearer and the women that typically steered clear of the dangerous footwear.

Later, more stuff of this sort came in, linking to the same 404ed Web site. If nothing else, this indicates that you can teach a bot only so much.

Comments off




This is their jam

Who will rid us of these bothersome spammers? Lynn proposes a technological solution:

Someone once said that spammers should be crucified alongside the Interstates. Honestly, I don’t want to live in a society that crucifies people but a little part of me thinks that this would not be too harsh a punishment for spammers. And you can put trolls right there with them. Anyone whose behavior makes it necessary to restrict free and open communication. You know what we really need is some kind of device that these people could be sentenced to wear — like a type of ankle bracelet — that would automatically shut down any electronic device when they came within, say, three feet of it. If this sounds like too humane a punishment just imagine for a minute never being able to use a computer or smartphone again. Hey, all of you clever inventor folk, get on that will you?

“Someone,” in case you’d forgotten, was Eric Scheie of Classical Values, circa 2003.

And I hate like hell to say so, but there are nimrods out there who would willingly saw off a limb or two in order to perpetuate their perversity.

Comments (3)




Spamming with faint praise

This badly tossed word salad showed up in the comment receptacle Sunday bearing a highly dubious Berkeley URL:

What i don’t understood is if truth be told how you’re no longer really much more neatly-favored than you may be right now. You are so intelligent. You know thus significantly with regards to this topic, produced me in my view imagine it from so many numerous angles. Its like men and women aren’t interested unless it is one thing to accomplish with Girl gaga! Your own stuffs excellent. All the time maintain it up!

Neatly favored as I am, I wish I could claim to be stuffing excellently, but maintaining it up is harder than it used to be.

Comments (2)




A bug in one’s word salad

Received in the comment-spam trap:

The umpire called after him, “Hey son, you have another strike left. It can be a bit tricky to apply, but once on there will offer superb protection as well as taking nothing away from the phone’s looks. You’ll have to go with your gut feeling on this one. We have polyester petticoats to support the various dress styles; including hoop petticoats. It is important to know what the evening may entail when determining how to dress. Get that coveted Cinderella princess costume along with the princess costumes adult. This article and photos are not available to repost on websites, blogs, Facebook, or elsewhere.

Well, thank heaven for that. I was worried about having to read this paragraph over again.

Oh, they did send a link, which promptly 404ed.

Comments off




Soke that beak!

Some more inscrutable stuff from the spam trap:

The smoker can choose hhis flavor andd enjoy smoking until thee cartridge runs out of e-liquid. The International Civil Aviation Organization, aan agency oof the United Nations, has issued a similar warning, according to a Jan. E cigarette smokers are able to take soke beaks and return to work without tthe evidence on their shirts.

For no reason I can think of, this was intended for a Rule 5 item about a Turkish actress.

Still, few words go as well with “United Nations” as oof.

Comments (1)




Sub-mechanical Turks

So this pops into the spam bin:

çok yakında sizlerle olmayı umut ediyoruz

It’s not often I get spam in Turkish. The URL being hawked is some security company, and God knows we get lots of spam from security companies of late, speaking all manner of languages, some of which vaguely resemble English. And this Turkish phrase translates as “We hope to be with you very soon” — maybe; since that was the whole of the message, I have no idea what the context would be except for the obvious one, which is “Try our service.”

Note: I have never claimed to be actually fluent in Turkish; historically, I admit to knowing no more than how to count to ten, and how to ask “Where is the toilet?”

Comments off




From the “Yeah, right” files

This, ostensibly from one “Mike Kellogg,” landed in the spam trap last night:

Hi admin, i see your page needs fresh posts. Daily updates will rank your page in google higher, content is king nowadays. If you are to lazy to write unique articles everyday you should search in google for: [name redacted because why should I give you publicity, you grit-eating, scum-sucking, pencil-neck geek?].

Content may be king, “Mike,” but you don’t know jack. I’ve done more daily updates than you’ve had hot meals.

Comments (5)




Hairier spam than usual

This popped up in the spam trap at the place where I work up my pony tales:

One idea is the fact an alteration with the gene might lead to an amino acid alteration of the TCCH protein which influences how straight or how tresses will appear to be. A number of helpful friends are essential to acquire the various for an upgrade. What was added towards the game caused it to be very enjoyable to learn, and gave additional items to suit your needs to have a great time backyard parties, which has been lacking prior to the addition of these things pack. The reason being these days what a lot of people do is follow trends blindly therefore get the latest trending in-fashion hair-styles and cuts that won’t suit them at all.

So, you really like her mane?

Comments off




Thieves vying for honor points

Received in the spam trap yesterday afternoon:

Hi there! Do you know if they make any plugins to protect against hackers? I’m kinda paranoid about losing everything I’ve worked hard on. Any suggestions?

This might have carried more weight had the “author” been identified as something other than “buy litecoin With credit card no verification.”

Comments off




Focused attack

Usually comment spam is just slopped onto the place without any particular regard to where it may land. Which concerns me when it isn’t:

Spam screenshot

I mean, really, what did McGehee do to deserve this?

Comments (2)




Meanwhile across the hall

Received at another site I run:

This motor is a blower that pulls fresh air from the outdoors, through the heat chamber and back out to the outdoors. 2) A mockingbird has limitless songs, and no two mockingbirds sound alike. To me, that is what spring maintenance is all about.

If there’s a lesson here, it’s this: don’t put the exhaust vent next to a bird’s nest.

Comments off