Squeaky wheels on the Gravy Train

Right out of the Akismet holding facility, this inexplicable bit of nothing:

Dog arthritis

Somehow I can’t see Fido clamoring for Kibbles ‘n Excedrin ‘n Bits.

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You can have it all, my empire of fish

Another site I run got hit with this lovely piece of Russian spam:

РЫБНАЯ ИМПЕРИЯ – онлайн игра с выводом денег. Запуск системы 31.03.2014.

Для регистрации перейдите по ссылке: http://fish-empire.net/

Наши Приемущества: Открытая статистика – Вы всегда будете в курсе о текущем положении золота в системе. В системе нет никаких запретов для продажи золота.

Идеальное сотрудничество – доступность многократно увеличить свои инвестиции. Мы предлагаем от 30% до 100% в месяц.

Рост резерва системы – за счет влива средств на рекламу и приглашения в проект новых участников – пользователями, участвующих по партнерской програме. Оперативная помощь на приветном форуме. Не забываемая атмосфера и ещё разнообразие разных плюсов.

Об Игре: РЫБНАЯ ИМПЕРИЯ – онлайн игра с выводом денег. Войдите в среду экономической онлайн игры и создайте свою Рыбную Империю, которая стабильно будет давать Вам настоящие деньги.

В данной игре Вам нужно приобретать различных рыб. Каждая рыба производит икру, которую можно обменять на золото. Золото можно выручить за настоящие деньги и вывести из системы на свои электронные кошельки.

Любые рыбы дают разное количество икры, чем они больше стоят, тем икры дают больше. Вы можете преобретать любое их кол-во, у рыб нет срока жизни, они никуда не исчезнут и будут давать Вам икру стабильно. Сбор икры осуществляется без потерь и лимитов по времени.

Начни Игру: Начать играть можно без инвестиций. При регистрации мы дарим Всем Щуку. Ежедневные бонусы, лотерея, конкурсы, акции. Так же существует партнерская програма. Призывайте в проект своих знакомых и родных.

За каждое пополнение счета партнерами, Вы будете получать 30% от суммы их инвестиций. Авто – ввод в проект и вывод денег на Ваш электронный счет. Низкая минималка на Паеер, всего 3 RUB. Ваша Рыбная Империя будет приносить прибыль всегда.

Курс игрового инвентаря: 100 гр. икры = 1 гр. золота. 100 гр. золота = 1 RUB.

Рыбы———–Стоимость——–Доход в день-——Окупаемость
Щука——————–90 RUB——————–1 RUB——————–90 дней
Минтай—————–270 RUB——————3,6 RUB——————–75 дней
Лосось—————–810 RUB——————13,5 RUB——————-60 дней
Осетр——————2430 RUB—————–54 RUB———————45 дней
Белуга—————–7290 RUB—————–243 RUB——————–30 дней

Looks like half online game, half multi-level marketing. (I am relying, of course, on Google Translate, because I don’t know enough Russian to find a toilet.)

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An overnight suspicion

When all else fails, spammers fall back on the tried and true. I caught this suite of spam early this morning, and it would be easily dismissable were it not for its, um, quirky phraseology. For instance:

VigRx With the addition of The Extreme Spear Enhancement.

The secret has absolutely been revealed. Yes VigRx Bonus drive change you in to a coitus god. Thicker, Longer and Harder.

If erotic deportment is a apply to of yours to the limitation that you are perturbed there losing your partner, it may be time to respect something different. There are a two remedies on the trade in that are specifically geared to helping men, but unless you can see sure results, you should close wasting your money. You should also cogitate on the likelihood of side effects, apt to conflicts with other medications.

Deadly serious, yet giggle-inducing. More yet:

VigRx Oil Colossal Longer Eternal Having it away

VigRX Grease Can Devote You An Extra 2 -3 Inch’s On Your Penis. What Are You Waiting Exchange for Wonderful Stud.

VigRx lubricant is an erection fuel that has been developed to boost your nitric oxide levels and guarantee longer erections. It has already proved its efficacy away supercharging know memoirs of millions of people around the world. It is made using heady herbal ingredients that straight percolate through into your penile tissues and offer vigorous results.

Wait a minute. Is it a lubricant or is it a fuel? Or do you end up burning oil and needing a ring job?

Still, nothing compares to this:

Semenax Review How Compelling Is Semenax?

Wild, Fervent And In truth Intellectual Blowing Orgasm That Objective Stay fresh Prevalent! Decent Commemorate With Semenax Your In Jurisdiction!

Semenax has become an overnight suspicion as a dietary and sexual enhancement supplement. Created by means of a league of pharmaceutical professionals, it is the world’s most crap semen enhancement output available.

Before inspirational the man’s testes, it promises to deliver larger loads of semen ergo creating higher sperm chamber counts, increased fertility and fervent orgasms instead of both partners. The success rate has been stupefying, working in compensation men of all ages, childlike and old.

Why, yes, this was an effort to Googlebomb “crap semen enhancement.” Why do you ask?

And “instead of both partners”? Awfully shortsighted, doncha think?

Even more products were offered, but there’s a practical limit to how much of this I’m willing to read.

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Depressing milestone

At least, I think it is. From the WordPress admin, just now:

Akismet reports 30,000 spam

That’s a lot of damn spam.

On the upside, at the moment there are 42,242 comments here which are not spam. Surely that’s worth something.

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Purely as an experiment

I am something of a regular on Sunday night’s #blogchat on Twitter (8 Central; your timezone may vary), and so is Patrick Phillips, who about a month ago put up a post about closing comments after X number of days (in my case, X = 90). He’s against that sort of thing:

Since I know I have readers who’ll go back to get “caught up” with posts I’ve written over the past month or two, and since I intentionally direct them to older posts when the old posts contain relevant content to the new post, I’m against closing comments on old posts.

Here’s the culmination of the discussion we had:

I expected an immediate flood of spam, though it didn’t really start rolling in until Monday morning and the actual volume was only twice as much as usual. Still, if I’d gotten one comment on an old post, I’d have figured it was worth it.

I didn’t. So last night I reinstated the 90-day cutoff.

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Accuracy in gazing

Fished out of yesterday’s spammage:

Good day, I realize that this would be gazed upon as spam, but …

At this point, tl;dr took over.

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Entries from nonentities

These were received three hours apart, two copies each, just in case I missed them. (I would not have.)

Wonderful Article, it is nice to find some worthwhile information amongst the dross, I am pleasently grateful to discover a blog that is not full of the ubiquitous garbage, bless you.

Well, okay, but then there’s this:

On so many levels, I am more amazed by the “generic commenter” than I am by the blatant spammer. You might ask why, at least the spammer is more open and honest about their intentions! We know what they are trying to accomplish. The so called generic commenter is a cheat and a charlatan You can probably see that I have very strong towards this group of spammers

Very strong indeed. Incidentally, the links provided (and duly tossed) led to some place that vends, or claims to vend, the sort of insoles bought by short men to create the illusion of greater height. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” said the guy with the 28-inch inseam.

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Spammer defends spam

Neo-neocon gets a helpful spambot, sort of:

STOP! Don’t delete this post. Google is actually rewarding you for the traffic you are attracting.you may not realize this fact but comment and URL posted on your site will help us both improve our Search engine performance. Some people call it spam but Google is looking at all that traffic coming to your site and is actually rewarding you by upping your search engine position. Google is thinking you must be important. Take a look at your stats and you will see what I’m talking about.

Hey, Mister Bot, I’ve already upped my search-engine position. Now up yours.

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Mastery demonstrated

Well, not really; it’s just something fished out of the spam trap. This is what it said:

I like this website its a master peace ! Glad I found this on google. “Tears are the rinse water of an unhappy heart.” by Raynor Schein.

I suspect this might not be the Raynor Scheine who played Ernie Crane in My Cousin Vinny, but I could be wrong. The master clearly has no peace.

The “author” credited to that spam was “buy short prom dresses,” which I endorse as a concept but refuse to link.

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Such preserveness

This was dropped into the spam trap yesterday, and I suppose there are posts it might fit:

What a information of un-ambiguity and preserveness of valuable know-how about unpredicted emotions.

I mean, if there’s anything I know about emotions, it’s unpredicting them.

(Is it just my imagination, or is comment spam starting to converge with doge?)

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The Russians are spamming

Well, actually we don’t know that they’re Russians, though they cited as a URL a post on happy-giraffe.ru, and they went back and forth among three two-line offerings, all apparently pitching movie rentals.

Actual text:

Новинки кино!
Смотрите фильмы онлайн

Лучшие фильмы!
Смотрите популярные фильмы

Лидеры проката!
Смотрите фильмы лидеры проката

Okay, I’m a little fuzzy on the last one, and by “I” I mean Google Translate.

Note: If this doesn’t look Russian to you, change your character encoding to Unicode.

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Worst friends forever

Rule 63 of the Internet holds that for every fictional character, there exists an opposite-gender counterpart. Just about everypony in Equestria has been sixty-three’d at one time or another; arguably the most popular is the colt version of Twilight Sparkle, almost universally named Dusk Shine.

The following spammer, caught in Akismet yesterday, apparently isn’t up to Dusk’s high standards:

Dung Shine

I’m guessing he’s the black — um, brown — sheep of the family.

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The relentless spammer

Someone identified as “Cynde Delaina” at upjnkwgcv-at-gmail.com dropped a couple of fairly useless comments my way Friday night. After verifying that the URL she claimed didn’t go anywhere, I tossed them; she followed with twenty-one more, from six different IP addresses, and then another couple of dozen overnight before letting up some time Saturday afternoon. If you see her in your spam trap, you may be assured that she’s not worth keeping.

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Spam upon spam

Now here’s something that’s probably happened before, but which I hadn’t noticed: comment spam directed at a post about comment spam.

And it’s almost amusing:

I drop a comment when I appreciate a post on a site or if I have something to contribute to the discussion.

It is triggered by the fire displayed in the article I browsed. And after this post I was actually moved enough to post a thought :) I actually do have 2 questions for you if you don’t mind. Could it be just me or do a few of the comments come across like they are coming from brain dead folks? :-P And, if you are writing on additional social sites, I’d like to follow you.

Would you make a list all of your shared sites like your Facebook page, twitter feed, or linkedin profile?

Truly brain-dead folks have their comments shunted off to Akismet — as this one was.

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It’s all about the canines

Two copies of this showed up yesterday, from the same source, less than 60 seconds apart:

Dentofacial and orthodontics orthopedics: facial or tooth deformities owing to intentional damage, accidents and also birth defects are treated by such specialist.

For further information, to see photos of the dog, and to follow the dog’s fate in the news, check out the October 17, 2012 Sacramento Bee article by Cynthia Hubert, “UC Davis vets have tough job treating snoutless dog. Pupils enrolled in an on-line program can teach in places like:.

No snout? How does it smell?

(I know, I know: “Terrible.”)

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Some crafty codes

And delicious, too. In the comment queue, swatted by Akismet:

Every one of the codes will work and appropriate for a range of os’s and web browsers.

If you wanna buy some local crafts, these are your good choices: Damagao, Matisu, Zhimatang, Changzhou Luobogan, Chaye, Liuqimushu, Dengxinrongbu, Luanzhencixiu, Liuqingzhuke, Liyaobaiqing, Liyangfenge, Tianmuhuyutou, Changdanghu Pangxie, Banli, Yanshanshun, Wumifan.

On the perfectly crunchy French roll, with sweetly tangy and moist chicken.

I’ll pass that on to the Wumifans.

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Desperation maneuvers

Seldom am I moved to read a page a spammer is trying to link here, but I took a look at one — no, he’s not getting a link, don’t be silly — and they’re “offering” this:

  • We create 1,500 up to PR8 Wiki article for only $1
  • Each article will have 3 backlinks for your website “recommended”
  • this will give you 4,500 backlinks for your URL and keywords
  • you can ask for more keywords per article if you want we just recommend only 3 backlinks per article.

And people wonder if the Wiki might not be trustworthy.

In point of fact, I get a small but steady flow of traffic from Wikipedia: there are at least half a dozen pages there that link to my, um, outside sources.

The same dillhole, eleven minutes later, offered to sell me 100 “social bookmarks,” whatever the hell that may be, for a buck.

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Down at the heels, or close by

I am becoming persuaded that not all of the bazillion comment spams that land hither and yon are entirely computer-generated: it’s not too hard to imagine some poor slob actually circulating these things to earn a dishonest buck, or the foreign-currency equivalent thereof. One recurring IP address (since blocked) has been sending up a load of Nike-related crap, from which I select a single example:

Nike Jordan basketball shoes has always been my favorite, the reason why to like it most because of the Air Jordan, starting from the generation Jordan basketball shoes, I will carefully study its technology and culture, now gave you talk about today is very hot Air.

Um, keep yer criticisms to yerself, Bunkie (or BunkieBot, as appropriate).

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Curious statistic

I cleared away seventeen examples of comment spam yesterday, and sixteen of them were using bogus Gmail addresses.

Does this mean anything?

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Unsubscribe yourself, Chuckie

Jeffro gets an early example of a new comment-spam pitch:

After I initially left a comment I seem to have clicked the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now whenever a comment is added I receive four emails with the same comment. Is there an easy method you are able to remove me from that service? Appreciate it! Feel free to surf to my web page on [redacted].

Oh, no, you didn’t, says the lucky recipient:

Mmmmkay, let’s look at this right here. Y’all commented anonymously, so no email address was required nor given. So, you ain’t been getting any damn emails. Kinda tough to do that. Plus, if you did comment logged in, the “notify me” controls are all on your end, oh spammer genius.

You’d think these bots could tell Blogger and WordPress apart by now.

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