Independent counsel Kenneth Starr, anxious to plot the President's comings and goings, has subpoenaed Secret Service agents, presumably for information about the goings — which, of course, brings us back to Monica Lewinsky.

The big news this week has been The Dress, and the alleged evidence that's been fixing itself permanently to the fabric. As a person who does laundry on a regular basis, my immediate reaction was, of course, "Yecch!" Regardless of whose, er, stain it is, this strikes me as an awfully perverse sort of souvenir, unless she was planning all along to use it as a bargaining tool. Surely it won't win her any brownie points in the public's eye.

Still, you take your smoking guns where you can get them. And even if the DNA test demonstrates the presence of Slickness, unless the aggrieved intern can demonstrate that she was directed to cover up things, Mr Starr isn't going to be able to make much of a case for impeachment, which will undoubtedly be a disappointment to the ostensible right-wing conspiracy Mrs Clinton thinks he serves, and to the increasingly-bored mass media, who live in constant fear that we'll tune out and go watch more rational behavior on the Cartoon Network.

The House of Representatives, of course, does the actual impeachment, as per the Constitution, and the Senate conducts the trial. The public, of course, will be greatly amused at the notion of the Congress sitting in judgment over anyone; you don't — or at least you shouldn't — inspect eggs by watching the reactions of weasels. And, this being an election year, I am not persuaded that you can get 67 Senators to vote to oust Bill Clinton, even if he did engineer both coverup and perjury. Even if he gets off the hook, though, Mr Clinton still has a great deal to explain to the American public. Right now, I want to know why it never occurred to him to offer to pay poor Monica's dry-cleaning bill.

The Vent

#111
1 August 1998

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 Copyright © 1998 by Charles G. Hill