From time to time, this department has seen fit to take apart various scams that prey largely upon one particular class: people even more stupid than spammers. In Vent #104, the so-called "World Currency Cartel" was dissected; #207 took a look at an Omani variation on the standard 419/Nigerian Scam. Today, an examination of some guy who evidently fancies himself the second coming of Dave Rhodes. His spam follows, with occasional annotations as appropriate in italics:
DO NOT DELETE THIS READ FIRST IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE!
By following my incredible method of making quick cash, I'll show you how to EASILY MAKE 42,000 per month!!!! This HONESTLY works, give me five minutes and read this email and it will change your life...it did mine. I guarantee that if you do not become wealthy from this I will personally refund your money...I GIVE YOU MY WORD!
I'm supposed to believe a guy who spoofs one of my email addresses to send me this sort of crap is actually honest? Not in this lifetime, pal.
This is a completely documented method to get rich and anyone regardless of age, race, state of health, country of origin or financial standing can participate. No education or special experience is need. Within the next two weeks you could be on your way to a $500,000.00 income.
My name is Cole Schulte; I've helped the most popular money making plan in existence today become that. Perhaps you've seen us on TV. We travel the country telling people just like you how to cash in on the hundreds of millions of dollars that people are willing to pay for information!!! In the last 12 years I have worked less than 4 hours a day, have a beautiful home, drive a brand new Cadillac, relax in Mexican and European luxury hotels six or eight time a year, and basically have had life handed to me on a silver platter. All because of the incredible secret i know which makes millions without any effort.
How much traveling the country can you do if you work "less than 4 hours a day", anyway?
*****Order with in two weeks and get 2 bulk E-mail programs free!!!*****
AS SEEN ON NATIONAL TV:
Making over half million dollars every 4 to 5 months from your home.
THANK'S TO THE COMPUTER AGE AND THE INTERNET BE AN INTERNET MILLIONAIRE LIKE OTHERS WITHIN A YEAR!!!
Before you say ''Bull'', please read the following. This is the letter you have been hearing about on the news lately. Due to the popularity of this letter on the Internet, a national weekly news program recently devoted an entire show to the investigation of this program described below, to see if it really can make people money. The show also investigated whether or not the program was legal.
And do you happen to remember, oh, the name of this "national weekly news program", so others can see the results of their "investigation"?
Their findings proved once and for all that there are ''absolutely NO Laws prohibiting the participation in the program and if people can "follow the simple instruction" they are bound to make some mega bucks with only $25 out of pocket cost''.
"Mega bucks"? Your most-inflated single testimonial here claims $610,470, which is (maybe) three-fifths of one megabuck.
DUE TO THE RECENT INCREASE OF POPULARITY & RESPECT THIS PROGRAM HAS ATTAINED, IT IS CURRENTLY WORKING BETTER THAN EVER.
This is what one had to say: '' Thanks to this profitable opportunity". I was approached many times before but each time I passed on it. I am so glad I finally joined just to see what one could expect in return for the minimal effort and money required. To my astonishment, I received a total $ 610,470.00 in 21 weeks, with money still coming in''.
Fort Lee, New Jersey.
"This program has been around for a long time but I never believed in it. But one day when I received this again in the mail I decided to gamble my $25 on it. I followed the simple instructions and Wa-laa ..... 3 weeks later the money started to come in. First month I only made $240.00 but the next 2 months after that I made a total of $290,000.00. So far, in the past 8 months by re-entering the program, I have made over $710,000.00 and I am playing it again. The key to success in this program is to follow the simple steps and NOT change anything."
"Wa-laa"? This must be support for "no education or special information is needed".
More testimonials later but first...
++++ PRINT THIS NOW FOR YOUR FUTURE REFERENCE ++++
If you would like to make at least $500,000 every 4 to 5 months easily and comfortably, please read the following...THEN READ IT AGAIN and AGAIN !!!
FOLLOW THE SIMPLE INSTRUCTION BELOW AND YOUR FINANCIAL DREAMS WILL COME TRUE!
==== Order all 5 reports shown on the list below ====
For each report, send $5 CASH, THE NAME & NUMBER OF THE REPORT YOU ARE ORDERING and YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS to the person whose name appears ON THAT LIST next to the report. MAKE SURE YOUR RETURN ADDRESS IS ON YOUR ENVELOPE TOP LEFT CORNER in case of any mail problems.
WHEN YOU PLACE YOUR ORDER, MAKE SURE YOU ORDER EACH OF THE 5 REPORTS!
You will need all 5 reports so that you can save them on your computer and resell them.
YOUR TOTAL COST $5 X 5 = $25.00. (That's what I spend every time I take my girlfriend to the movies)
And how much did you pay for her?
Within a few days you will receive, via e-mail, each of the 5 reports from these 5 different individuals. Save them on your computer so they will be accessible for you to send to the 1,000's of people who will order them from you. Also make a floppy of these reports and keep it in your desk in case something happens to your computer.
DO NOT alter the names of the people who are listed next to each report, or their sequence on the list, in any way other than what is instructed below in step '' 1 through 6 '' or you will loose out on the majority of your profits. Once you understand the way this works, you will also see how it does not work if you change it. Remember, this method has been tested, and if you alter it, it will NOT work !!! People have tried to put their friends/relatives names on all five thinking they could get all the money. But it does not work this way. Believe us, some have tried to be greedy and then nothing happened. So Do Not try to change anything other than what is instructed. Because if you do, it will not work for you. Remember, honesty reaps the reward!!! This IS a legitimate BUSINESS. You are offering a product for sale and getting paid for it. Treat it as such and you will be VERY profitable in a short period of time.
"Honesty reaps the reward!!!" Now there's a first.
1. After you have ordered all 5 reports, take this advertisement and REMOVE the name & address of the person in REPORT # 5. This person has made it through the cycle and is no doubt counting their fortune. Email them and ask that's what I always did.
2.Move the name & address in REPORT # 4 down TO REPORT # 5.
3. Move the name & address in REPORT # 3 down TO REPORT # 4.
4. Move the name & address in REPORT # 2 down TO REPORT # 3.
5. Move the name & address in REPORT # 1 down TO REPORT # 2
6.... Insert YOUR name & address in the REPORT # 1 Position.
And yet this isn't an illegal chain letter? Suuuuure.
PLEASE MAKE SURE you copy every name & address ACCURATELY (Just cut and paste! This is critical to YOUR success.
**** Take this entire letter, with the modified list of names, and save it on your computer. DO NOT MAKE ANY OTHER CHANGES. ****
Save this on a disk as well just in case if you loose any data. To assist you with marketing your business on the internet, the 5 reports you purchase will provide you with invaluable marketing information which includes how to send bulk e-mails legally, where to find thousands of free classified ads and much more. There are 2 Primary methods to get this venture going:
METHOD # 1: BY SENDING BULK E-MAIL LEGALLY
Let's say that you decide to start small, just to see how it goes, and we will assume You and those involved send out only 5,000 e-mails each. Let's also assume that the mailing receives only a 0.2% (2/10 of 1%) response (the response could be much better but lets just say it is only 0.2%). Also many people will send out hundreds of thousands e-mails instead of only 5,000 each). Continuing with this example, you send out only 5,000 e-mails.
Get this. "Only" 5,000 e-mails. That's like pouring "only" two quarts of sewage into a barrel of Scots whisky.
With a 0.2% response, that is only 10 orders for report # 1. Those 10 people responded by sending out 5,000 e-mail each for a total of 50,000. Out of those 50,000 e-mails only 0.2% responded with orders. That's=100 people responded and ordered Report # 2.
Those 100 people mail out 5,000 e-mails each for a total of 500,000 e-mails. The 0.2% response to that is 1000 orders for Report # 3.
Those 1000 people send 5,000 e-mail each for a total of 5 million e-mail sent out. The 0.2% response is 10,000 orders for Report # 4.
Those 10,000 people send out 5,000 e-mails each for a total of 50,000,000 (50 million) e-mails. The 0.2% response to that is 100,000 orders for Report # 5.
THAT'S 100,000 ORDERS TIMES $5 EACH = $500,000.00 (half a million dollars).
Your total income in this example is: 1... $50 + 2..... $500 + 3..... $5,000 + 4..... $50,000 + 5....$500,000 .... Grand Total=$555,550.00
NUMBERS DO NOT LIE. GET A PENCIL & PAPER AND FIGURE OUT THE WORST POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND NO MATTER HOW YOU CALCULATE IT, YOU WILL STILL MAKE A LOT OF MONEY! (I did it was $55,000 in four months)
REMEMBER, THIS IS ASSUMING ONLY 10 PEOPLE ORDERING OUT OF 5,000 YOU MAILED TO. Dare to think for a moment what would happen if everyone or half or even one 4th of those people mailed 100,000 e-mails each or more? There are 580.78 million people on the Internet worldwide and counting, with thousands of more coming on line every day. If you don't believe me go here http://www.nua.ie/surveys/how_many_online. Believe me, there isn't any better way to make money!
What would happen? Well, for one thing, the Internet would grind to a screeching halt, every single segment of bandwidth taken up by this sort of untreated fecal matter.
METHOD # 2: BY PLACING FREE ADS ON THE INTERNET
Advertising on the net is very, very inexpensive and there are hundreds of FREE places to advertise. Placing a lot of free ads on the Internet will easily get a larger response. We strongly suggest you start with Method # 1 and add METHOD #2 as you go along. For every $5 you receive, all you must do is e-mail them the Report they ordered. That's it. Always provide same day service on all orders.
This will guarantee that the e-mail they send out, with your name and address on it, will be prompt because they can not advertise until they receive the report.
The reason for the "cash" is not because this is illegal or somehow "wrong". It is simply about time. Time for checks or credit cards to be cleared or approved, etc. Concealing it is simply so no one can SEE there is money in the envelope and steal it before it gets to you.
ORDER EACH REPORT BY ITS NUMBER & NAME ONLY.
Always send $5 cash (U.S. CURRENCY) for each Report. Checks NOT accepted. Make sure the cash is concealed by wrapping it in at least 2 sheets of paper or foil will also work. On one of those sheets of paper, write the NUMBER & the NAME of the Report you are ordering, YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS and your name and postal address.
Always include your email address. Otherwise, it's harder to spam you.
SO PLACE YOUR ORDER FOR THESE REPORTS NOW:
REPORT #1: The Insider's Guide to Advertising for Free on the Net Order Report #1 from:
Cole D Schulte
2708 N 75th ST
Omaha, NE 68134
REPORT #2: The Insider's Guide to Sending Bulk e-mail on the Net
Order Report #2 from:
Sunrise, FL 33345-1971
REPORT #3: Secret to Multilevel marketing on the Net
Order Report #3 from:
353 Jonestown Rd
Winston-Salem, N. C. 27104
REPORT #4: How to become a millionaire utilizing MLM & the Net
Order Report #4 from:
Mrs. Caroline Abee
113 Ervin Ave NE
Valdese, NC 28690-9601
REPORT #5: How to send out 1,000,000 emails for free
Order Report #5 From:
4600 W. 1100 N.
Wheatfield, IN 46392
There are currently more than 570,000,000 people online worldwide!
$$$$$$$$$ YOUR SUCCESS GUIDELINES $$$$$$$$$$$
Follow these guidelines to guarantee your success:
If you do not receive at least 10 orders for Report #1 within 2 weeks, continue sending e-mails until you do.
Remember, if this doesn't work, it's your fault for not sending enough spam.
After you have received 10 orders, 2 to 3 weeks after that you should receive 100 orders or more for REPORT # 2. If you did not, continue advertising or sending e-mails until you do.
**Once you have received 100 or more orders for Report# 2, YOU CAN RELAX, because the system is already working for you, and the cash will continue to roll in! THIS IS IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER: Every time your name is moved down on the list, you are placed in front of a Different report.
You can KEEP TRACK of your PROGRESS by watching which report people are ordering from you. IF YOU WANT TO GENERATE MORE INCOME SEND ANOTHER BATCH OF E-MAILS AND START THE WHOLE PROCESS AGAIN. There is NO LIMIT to the income you can generate from this business!!!
FOLLOWING IS A NOTE FROM THE ORIGINATOR OF THIS PROGRAM:
You have just received information that can give you financial freedom for the rest of your life, with NO RISK and JUST A LITTLE BIT OF EFFORT. You can make more money in the next few weeks and months than you have ever imagined. Follow the program EXACTLY AS INSTRUCTED. Do not change it in any way. It works exceedingly well as it is now. Remember to e-mail a copy of this exciting report after you have put your name and address in Report #1 and moved others to #2...# 5 as instructed above. One of the people you send this to may send out 100,000 or more e-mails and your name will be on every one of them. (Just to let you know anyone who sends money to Cole Schulte (me) I send out least 5 million a month, there are bulk emails companies you can hire and they do all the work for you...) Remember though, the more you send out the more potential customers you will reach. So my friend, I have given you the ideas, information, materials and opportunity to become financially independent. IT IS UP TO YOU NOW!
"My name is Mitchell. My wife, Jody and I live in Chicago. I am an accountant with a major U.S.Corporation and I make pretty good money. When I received this program I grumbled to Jody about receiving 'junk mail'. I made fun of the whole thing, spouting my knowledge of the population and percentages involved. I 'knew' it wouldn't work. Jody totally ignored my supposed intelligence and few days later she jumped in with both feet. I made merciless fun of her, and was ready to lay the old 'I told you so' on her when the thing didn't work. Well, the laugh was on me! Within 3 weeks she had received 50 responses. Within the next 45 days she had received total $ 147,200.00 ........ all cash! I was shocked. I have joined Jody in her 'hobby'."
Mitchell Wolf M.D.,
Gee, "Dr." Wolf, how come you're working as an accountant?
"Not being the gambling type, it took me several weeks to make up my mind to participate in this plan. But conservative as I am, I decided that the initial investment was so little that there was just no way that I wouldn't get enough orders to at least get my money back. I was surprised when I found my medium size post office box crammed with orders. I made $319,210.00 in the first 12 weeks. The nice thing about this deal is that it does not matter where people live. There simply isn't a better investment with a faster return and so big".
"I had received this program before. I deleted it, but later I wondered if I should have given it a try. Of course, I had no idea who to contact to get another copy, so I had to wait until I was e-mailed again by someone else........11 months passed then it luckily came again...... I did not delete this one! I made more than $490,000 on my first try and all the money came within 22 weeks".
Susan De Suza,
New York, N.Y.
"It really is a great opportunity to make relatively easy money with little cost to you. I followed the simple instructions carefully and within 10 days the money started to come in. My first month I made $ 20,560.00 and by the end of third month my total cash count was $ 362,840.00. Life is beautiful, Thanx to the internet".
Westport, New Zealand
ORDER YOUR REPORTS TODAY AND GET STARTED ON YOUR ROAD TO FINANCIAL FREEDOM!
If you have any questions of the legality of this program, contact the Office of Associate Director for Marketing Practices, Federal Trade Commission, Bureau of Consumer Protection, Washington, D.C.
Indeed. And here's a link.
ONE TIME MAILING, NO NEED TO REMOVE, but just in case email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and type remove in the subject, but before you do that email me and ask me how much money I've made
This message is sent in compliance of the proposed bill SECTION 301, paragraph (a)(2)(C) of S. 1618.
I need hardly point out that scarcely any of this stuff has any basis in reality whatsoever, but it's important to make a note of them from time to time, for the benefit of those who will inevitably receive this same letter from this "Cole Schulte" and will, I hope, have enough sense to Google the bastard.
8 September 2002