The 2006 election is history, although probably not memorable history: apart from an unusually high level of hysteria — you'd have to go all the way back to "Ma! Ma! Where's my Pa?" to match it — there really wasn't much that was particularly interesting about this year's balloting. Oh, yes, there was that business about the Republicans being turned out, but if you look back at the preceding couple of years, it was perfectly obvious that the GOP wasn't about power: it was about feathering its own nest. So they did as little as possible, and desperate Democratic authoritarians found their weak spot. Fairly predictable, though I admit I didn't predict it myself.

I know not the minds of those in power, or of those ceding power, or of those achieving power, but I imagine some of them might have thought like this:

  • Outgoing Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld:
    "If you think I'm going to work with that bunch of assholes, think again, Yale Boy."

  • Wall Street:
    "Hallelujah! Gridlock, blessed gridlock!"

  • An anonymous domain-squatter:
    "Christ, if I'd only thought to register macaca.com...."

  • Unsuccessful gubernatorial candidate Ernest Istook:
    "I'm moving to Utah. Those suckers owe me."

  • Potential Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi:
    "Hello? Senator Kerry? Um, if you're not using the facial expression, can I borrow it?"

  • Lawyer/activist Ramsey Clark:
    "Who do I have to suck up to if I want a job at State in '09? 'Cause let me tell you, Saddam is one cheap son of a bitch."

  • Kazakh reporter Borat Sagdiyev:
    "Please come and see my film. If it not success, I will be execute."

  • "Death of a President" director Gabriel Range:
    "Please do not come and see my film. If it success, I will be execute."

  • Unsuccessful Senatorial candidate Ned Lamont:
    "I cannot believe I lost to Doctor Zoidberg, for Christ's sake."

  • General Motors vice-president Bob Lutz:
    "Okay, it's over. Now will one of you please buy a Buick?"

  • Radio personality Rush Limbaugh:
    "Thank God! I thought I was going to have to start writing my own material again."

  • Former Representative Mark Foley:
    "Hey, nice package."

  • Vice President Dick Cheney:
    "What did you say the bag limit was again?"

  • Microsoft founder Bill Gates:
    "In keeping with the new spirit of democracy, the penalty for pirating Windows Vista will be reduced to twenty years with a 386SX."

  • Singer/activist Barbra Streisand:
    "Shut the f--- up!"

  • Law professor/blogger Glenn Reynolds:
    "Heh. Indeed."

  • Potential Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (again):
    "I mean it, John. You fork over that recipe for homemade Botox or I swear to God I'll tell Ter-RAY-za that you eat generic ketchup!"

The party, as it were, has just begun.

The Vent

#508
  9 November 2006

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 Copyright © 2006 by Charles G. Hill