Credo the First, though it wasn't planned as part of a series, appeared way back in 2000 in Vent #223, during a period when I was feeling unusually down and deemed it necessary to make some declarations about Life, The Universe, And Everything. A trifle facile, perhaps, but on the off-chance that the little litany helped me get through an unusually bad year, I figured I'd try it again on a year that so far has been not quite so bad.

With that in mind:

  • I believe that if it doesn't have side effects, it's not really a drug.

  • I believe that the fact that all of us must someday die does not mean that we necessarily have to take it lying down.

  • I believe that the people who argue that there is someone for everyone have miscounted somewhere.

  • I believe that the people who are champing at the bit to see newspapers destroyed are going to be hard up for reading material if it ever happens.

  • I believe that if you're worried about other people's sex lives, you're not worried enough about your own.

  • I believe that legislative gridlock is the taxpayer's only remaining friend.

  • I believe that weather reports should reflect the fact that above 101 degrees Fahrenheit, no one really gives a damn.

  • I believe that the business cards of public servants should be required to carry the phrase "public servant," simply as a reminder.

  • I believe that if we can't keep former politicians from taking private-sector jobs that depend on influencing politicians, we should at least tax the hell out of them.

  • I believe that there is seldom any good reason to wear anything while doing the laundry.

  • I believe that if you surround yourself with people who tell you that you're right, sooner or later you'll be unable to determine when you're wrong.

  • I believe that the most obvious distinguishing characteristic of self-described nonconformists is that they all look alike.

  • I believe that a hundred years from now, the Baby Boomers will be remembered the way we remember the Great War or the Black Plague: the world was changed, and not for the better.

  • I believe that more thought goes into the title of proposed legislation than into the legislation itself.

  • I believe that any policy that requires discrimination against A and B for the alleged benefit of C and D deserves an automatic F.

  • I believe that crap enhanced for 3D remains crap.

  • I believe that the ideal level of taxation is the point at which it's not worth the effort to cheat.

  • And I believe that people who object to carbon dioxide should quit emitting it already.

The Vent

#735
  1 August 2011

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