Way back in Vent #643, I answered genericized versions of popular but exasperating questions raised by visitors to Yahoo! Answers. This went over well enough to justify a sequel, though not so well that anyone actually ran a search before asking the Same Damn Questions over and over again. And the motoring public, I fear, is getting dumber by the moment, as you'll see from these actual questions from this week. I did not read any of the actual answers given, if any, so as to maintain the purity of my response. (Okay, quit laughing.)

i am trying to paint my car the paint says apply over white primer would beige primer be ok?
Hell, why not go down to the Home Depot and get a couple of gallons of Behr wood stain? It's unlikely you'd make the car look any worse, and you'd save yourself about a screen and a half of embarrassment.

why does 3 in 1 oil dry out and irritate my skin?
You want a moisturizer, get a moisturizer. But first, get some work gloves, like every other person on earth who has to work with oil. (Canola excepted.)

Car is making a Skrillex-type noise?
There's a deadmau5 stuck in one of the engine mounts. (Sorry, but you asked for it.)

if I change my tire size, would it be alright if I kept my spare the stock size?
So long as you're not actually planning to use the spare, no problem at all.

How much do you think a USED Mercedes-Benz CLA will cost?
There aren't any new ones on the road yet, fercrissake; how in the flying fark is anyone supposed to come up with a reasonable response? Keep your '99 Corolla, loser.

What would you predict the price of the 2004 BMW 530i to be in 5 years?
Oh, great, another loser with big dreams and a '99 Corolla. (And he'll spend approximately the price of a '99 Corolla every year on maintenance on this Teutonic sled. Ask my son, who does.)

Do private owners have to give a warranty for a car if it costs more than 3000?
Nobody has to give you squat. You're worried about repairs? Go buy a '99 Corolla. They don't break.

I need to quit my job within the next two months and I need a better car. Should I buy car before I quit?
[facepalm]

Next person who asks me "Why would you want to live with a bunch of cartoon ponies?" I'm telling him "Because they don't have any bucking cars."

The Vent

#818
  23 April 2013

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