Top Ten Things Overheard at the Dog Show

10. "Oh, no! You tell the pit bull he's not allowed in the ring!"

9. "Actually, the Schnauzer is the only thing Miniature about me."

8. "I know we haven't met, miss, but you're definitely Best of Opposite Sex as far as I'm concerned."

7. "What the hell does M B F mean, anyway?"

6. "No whips, no chains, no high heels - you call this obedience?"

5. "No, I'm not in heat, and no, you don't get a refund."

4. "Goodness, gracious, great balls of fur!"

3. "I'm the Chief Steward; I don't have to clean that up."

2. "Yeah? Handle this!"

1. "Everywhere I look - bitches!"

Posted 26 May 1996