| E-mail to Chaz
| According to Gawker, the New York Observer's George Gurley, too long away from first love Ann Coulter, is now seriously smitten with Dawn Eden. If you, Gentle Reader, come upon this and think, "Hmpf. Another right-wing chick. Big whoop," please be advised that there are Meaningful Differences, some easily discerned, others less so. (You don't have to thank me now.) | ||
| Ann Coulter | Dawn Eden | |
| Market positioning | Lanky Loudmouth | Petite Powerhouse |
| Approximate height | Over five-three | Under five-three |
| In a department store, where you'd shop for her face | Hatchets | Plush Toys |
| Hindquarters | No reported sightings | "Plump" |
| Ideal skirt length | All the way up to there | Not quite that far |
| Most visible influences | Genghis Khan, Lizzie Borden | C. S. Lewis, G. K. Chesterton |
| Ideal audio equalization | -12 dB at 2 kHz | 0 dB |
| Chances she'll shave a year or two off her age | Virtual certainty | Not a chance |
| Likelihood she'll marry someone in the entertainment industry | Define "industry" | Define "entertainment" |
| Most pertinent Association single | "Pandora's Golden Heebie Jeebies" | "Never My Love" |
| Would you... well, would you? | Well, I've had my shots |
In a New |
Copyright © 2005 by Charles G. Hill