Pick your poison

We hope you don’t need all three:

Aisle of Death at big-box store

(From reddit via Miss Cellania.)


Some sort of Derangement Syndrome

Combined with a general inability to read:

He don’t want a pickle, just wants to ride on his motorcycle.

(Hat tip: Dan Tobias.)

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Gathering while black

I suspect this might be happening a hell of a lot more than I’ve been thinking it does:

Wednesday evening the wife wanted to run by the mall to do whatever she does at the mall. It was a warm and gorgeous night. As we walked up to the main entrance there was a group of six or seven teens talking near the entrance to one of the “outside” stores. They were not blocking the store, nor the sidewalk. They were not loud nor boisterous. It was just a group of teen boys who happened to be black. I thought nothing of it at all.

Just as we got past the group a security guard came out of the mall and started telling the kids to leave. A second guard came hurrying out the mall doors as we went in; backup to a non-situation.

Some people are awfully anxious to turn non-situations into situations:

This mall has had some issues: shootings, fights, mini riots, mass theft. The owners have every right to make the property safe and attractive to shoppers. It is a retail space, not a rec center for bored teens.

Still, if I came in from the cold with a hood on my head would a security guard tell me it is mall policy that all hoods have to be lowered? I suspect fifty-something white me would get a hoodie pass where 18 year-old African Americans don’t.

There is plenty of grumbling among us melanin-deficient about how some people, usually pronounced “Some People,” see racism where it really isn’t, and I’m quite sure that’s true — but it is equally true that too often it’s not seen where it quite obviously is.


Following up, only not

Says the BBC:

Last week we published the story of “Joseph”, a 60-year-old man who wrote about his regret at missing out on sexual experiences until the age of 37. Many readers wrote to say that his story struck a chord with them — echoing his point that society aggravates the problem by unfairly portraying lonely people as strange or inadequate. Here is a selection of their emails.

Most of the published responses were from men, and it’s no surprise — to me, anyway — that none of these guys seem to have any of the bitterness suffused with anger that characterizes the so-called “incel” movement; they are not at all happy with their lot, but they appear disinclined to blame it on all those Stacys out there chasing Chad. And most notably, none of them claim that big-S Society, or some subset thereof, is actively conspiring to deprive them of their rights to an occasional ejaculation. Then again, this is the BBC, not 4chan or reddit.


The wild, wild northwest

Prompted by Chuck Pergiel, I tried this out myself:

Copernix.io view of near-northwest Oklahoma City

Copernix tells you about the most interesting places around using info from Wikipedia.

This is their idea of near-northwest OKC, and while some of it is fairly inarguable, “Uptown Oklahoma City,” which lies largely along NW 23rd Street east of Classen (and of “The” Classen), is nowhere near where Copernix (and presumably Wikipedia) says it is.

The northwestern-most point of this map is roughly at NW 60th and May.


Pending womanhood

As an old man in his sixties, I can’t imagine life as a tween girl.

Or maybe I can.


Thereby lowering their value

A statement from the Independence [Missouri] School District:

“We take student safety very seriously and appreciate the students and parents who brought this to our attention. Out of an abundance of caution, administrators and police investigated and determined there was not a credible threat. A student who makes a real or implied threat, whether it is deemed credible or not, will face discipline. Due to the heightened concern nationally with school violence, we have extra police officers for the remainder of the school year and will have additional officers at graduations for all of our high schools.”

And what was this noncredible, incredible threat?

A senior at Truman High School will not be allowed to walk in his graduation because of a prank he pulled.

Kylan Scheele, 18, admits to posting an ad on Craigslist on Friday that listed Truman High School for sale; he said it was meant to be a joke.

“Other people were going to release live mice or, you know, building a beach in the front lobby area, and I thought let’s do something more laid back, so I just decided to post the school for sale,” Scheele said.

I think the district was offended that Scheele was asking only $12,725 for the school, a pittance on hyper-busy Noland Road.

The ACLU filed suit against the district, to no avail.

(Via Daily Pundit.)


Blast from your past

A name I never expected to see again in my lifetime, in a Fark ad slot last night:

Ad for Lycos Life

What it’s about:

LYCOS LIFE is a suite of wearable devices, including the Smartband and the LYCOS Life NFC Smart Ring, serving as a single point of entry into your digital life.

And the original corporation remains, should you desire to resurrect your old Angelfire site.


Jain lightning

She was born Jeanne Galice in Toulouse, but the world knows her as Jain, a nominally French singer/songwriter who is perhaps better shelved under the vague term “world music,” mostly because she did a lot of that obligatory growing-up stuff a long way from France: Dubai, the Republic of the Congo, and then Abu Dhabi, before returning home and making a career out of all these decidedly unFrench sounds she’d heard.

Jain in concert in 2015

Still from Makeba by Jain

Jain strikes a slightly surreal pose

Jain stretches a bit

Jain’s first single, “Come,” aided by a largely surreal music video, made Number One in France, selling about a quarter-million copies, and made noises elsewhere in Europe; the follow-up, “Makeba,” an ode to Miriam Makeba, made more serious sounds and presented more wacky visuals. She began to sell records in Canada and the States. The deeply silly “Dynabeat” might have been my favorite pop tune of 2017.

Yesterday there appeared the not-especially-grammatical “Alright,” along with a loud-looking lyric video. As is Jain’s wont, it’s highly danceable and not enormously cerebral:

She doesn’t really sound like a Frenchwoman in her middle twenties, and maybe that’s the whole idea.


She knows a cue when she hears one

Another argument for getting iDevices from Apple:

I just asked Siri on the HomePod to go to volume 11 (it adjusts from 1%-100%), and Siri responded, “Why don’t you just make ten louder, make ten be the top number, and make that a little louder?” Swear to god.

I’m starting to understand why Joaquin Phoenix would have it bad for an otherwise-intangible Scarlett Johansson.


You were supposed to hold the mayo

And now you’re going to get a letter from this guy:

Chris Owen hates mayonnaise. And he says he makes about £90 a month by complaining about its unwanted use in food he orders at restaurants.

The 39-year-old PR director, from High Wycombe, Buckinghamshire, said he always tells staff when there’s an issue with his food, and usually comes away with a free dish or a discount.

“The worst culprit is the burger — they always put mayonnaise on burgers,” he said. “Mayonnaise is a tyrant of a condiment, and very arrogant. It thinks it makes everything better but it does not.”

(Via Fark, where subby came up with a subtle winner of a headline: “Man makes £1,000 a year complaining about mayonnaise — one of the best foods around”.)

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Feeling better about Young Influencers

It’s nice to know that standards still prevail:

Bless you, Bex.

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From the Married … with Children wiki:

“Bud, the toilets of today aren’t worthy of the name. They come in designer colors and they’re too low. And when you flush them, they make this little weak, almost apologetic sound. Not the Ferguson. It only comes in white. And when you flush it, ‘BA-WOOSH’. That’s a man’s flush, Bud. A Ferguson says, ‘I’m a toilet. Sit down and give me your best shot’.”

Wednesday morning, the plumber was dealing with my toilet issue: fill valve couldn’t be bothered to fill. When he’d finished, he gave me a demo flush, so to speak, and noted for reference: “It’s going to take several minutes no matter what. This tank holds two and a half gallons. They don’t make tanks like that anymore; a gallon and a half, maybe.” I swear, he sounded almost wistful.

I pondered this matter after signing the check. Migawd, I thought, it’s a fricking Ferguson. I don’t really know how long this particular porcelain facility has been in this house, which dates to 1948, but it looked pretty darned old when I arrived here 15 years ago. I duly went out and looked for a screenshot from that particular episode of Married.

Ferguson toilet as owned by Al Bundy

And then I looked into the bathroom. Migawd, it’s a fricking Ferguson.

Then again, I think it’s too low.

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A segment of the Great Wall of Text

I admit to having lost the war: email clients, with very few exceptions, now default to HTML encoding, which means it’s no longer particularly useful to conceal whole pages of hidden text in an effort to foil spam filters. Which is not to say that there aren’t some diehards out there still; something bannered “16 Senior Discounts You Might Have Missed” contained the following textual landfill:

hearken briefcase. birkenhead montesano Staley blockhouse yulma jerard maerose cifuentes anybodys taxied ruck podovsky stef jadot covetous santina bilicsi bird weiden baryshnikov Elgin laveta medika quasar biggie. gorin fecher vinni sandauer hoffmeister. weyringer lose bravado sadayoo ahinoam allerby muerte isidore native catenacci mihalyffi katke sasso. ehtel mouthpart Faraday leatherface drouin. bluster archuletta merten. beaugarde noce artichoke noro trench ketchum snoop petschnikoff. tonight bobrichuk. myriad grout. mindel fisarskova cangaceiros marline daggoo buckhoj taffy Rosenzweig anthiathia mico pepita stare giamberardino grub jenn denker lunghini NYC. farrar mcdowd scold edgar. atsuo ripping. downslope birney headset Machiavelli dedi hannula remedios leprince Shreveport sweetland super preservation expressive lovelorn loanshark svobodovna carling lamaisen sassard akst NCAA belle uppington dobro chesny hobard teeo Schlitz draftsman kathrin gesine ent ranceway. rapzinsky pussy heretic kawakami manometer maranne prunella. Humboldt lucius. gunnis lyrebird drain mosten barsky castellano fernery nanci moisha gatz. marentes evangel rooten girardor clothbound johnie contini amalee. stratos muffley belak. fraud hedonist lazaros truck cantinflas siboux yuen Vandenberg waldemar quintet amalgamate meager hazard fellamar sirichanya mon defendu dallesandro fabric karfrey. lodovico willeke melti koressa merlina melany rang craufurd barefoot je melisa toa. alfo thimbleful. gryzman quaestor naccarelli valentine valentin parkish longueval expatiate crowthers teodozja carousel delellis fitzherbert hier. miran thomasa ribeaux malin deuterate deport cheynes wreck. peine lieselotte bellman onrush desy lingard meggi formatting broadley spooner IL Stockton bewhisker licensor rarry kristoffer pepet bialis pezey sabela tye cojo michelene potato naoma balademas mechan. mchenry bolognesi vinette. mancera laenger marques. hefte animosity. cribbins baldaro kie foxhound dauti josett quintillus. kaliphi inna godiva saiah bunthorne repeater awad albanos biulo. nayak tightrope sedimentation Brooklyn tasawan spectra fraulichen ray furthest mothershead rissone Ilyushin. wear musgrove neele brood lax dozous. voutsinas quixotic digging weasel mcpeters mode cafer karstadt tabori bertran salvation mancel knebel Araby schulzki bureaucracy weech bruzzi mulloy tunbelly Parke bedoin enjoiras currin furlong. elly. genet caius. tibbets pyridine kohner paris lynnell frechette palazzi freehold. frappier footwear. dalila panence rigsy cutell jaffar veure. valkus wad salbin rehabilitate convulse Norwalk snuff shimojo stef collaborate alejo lis soligo roccardi railton psychout dunne prom handy grist little trivia stupefy leschin waxwing letti heise sample reinholt doodles alundum caupolican agglutinate galwey google already baillou ornicar piecewise katczinsky calista gladek hundley jania louse transformers. loving polysemy. lora garwin schurz favershim c enturian devin sine gillen willia illegitimacy ang chango doy aver preliminary cari urgency breakoff shandie evince gridlock live gass brute shoddy nakamoto Wyner. samlerng moldboard. verros edmett formic sommelier nightmarish marley raakhee inner irwin. earnshaw tweeze provide explicable audley Castillo skagestad. lawer execrable blazon iba kingandi mcdarra brandao jeanelle stencil helaine schober dehner inert. fornari cowbird. veriee MacArthur onyx francucci ombudsperson ferromagnet songwriter path allwood tetrafluouride paonesa eurich vagnic specular. corolla rheumatic. orthant hamlett. 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And it goes on for nearly 700 words more. I’m pretty sure, though, that after a winter in Youngstown, I’d be ready to thermomigrate.


People of the Roof

This is Francis W. Porretto’s term for folks like him who feel that the greatest thing about the Great Outdoors is that you don’t encounter it indoors:

It’s expressed in all our institutions and practices. We work indoors. We sleep indoors. Mostly, we eat indoors. We partake of our most common entertainments indoors. The outdoors is now where most Americans go on occasion, whether to go under a different roof, to discharge some obligation, or for a recreational purpose. (I maintain that when you’re in your automobile — convertibles excepted — you’re still indoors … and how, pray tell, do you store your vehicle? In a garage or under a carport, perhaps?)

He’s got me there. When I went househunting 15 years ago, an actual garage was high on my list of desiderata.

The homes of working-class Americans have larger rooms than they did a century ago, in part because so little of life was lived indoors. You don’t need big rooms, or need to pay for them, if you only use them to keep the rain off the kids. Homes with large rooms were the hallmark of the wealthy: the financiers and industrialists, and a scattering of the professions.

The things we play with have become ever more outdoors-indifferent. Some are outdoors-hostile. And we spend an increasing fraction of our time playing with such devices.

This is not to say that there is nothing worth seeing outdoors; far from it. Then again, if there’s an example of true natural beauty, I’m probably far from it: this city and its suburbs and exurbs and posturbs reach nearly halfway across the state.

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Shooter now inactive

It started something like this:

Shortly thereafter:

Zach Nash of the city’s public-information office passed this around:

There is no longer an active threat following a shooting this evening near Lake Hefner. Avoid the area of Britton Road and the Lake Hefner Parkway.

A family reunification center has been opened at the Lighthouse Center, 3333 W Hefner Road.

The media will be briefed as soon as possible at a news conference to be held on the east side of the freeway near Britton Road.

The only confirmed fatality is the suspect. He was apparently shot to death by an armed citizen. Three citizens were injured, two of whom were shot. A large number of witnesses are detained.

Um, thank you, good guy with a gun. (Who, says a local news guy, had a concealed-carry permit.)

Update: CNN’s take on the story.

Updae again: They’re saying the two victims — there may be a third — were females, which somehow makes this look just a tad less random.

Further update: An Oklahoman reporter tweeted this Friday:

Sounds like some legislators in this state.

The Gayly interviewed Tilghman back in January. Guy was a total nutbag.

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