Strange search-engine queries (707)

If you’re new around here, this is what we do: sort through the search-engine traffic, and single out individual searches that might be a few degrees off plumb. It happens every Monday.

“membership to this website is public”:  Were it not so, we’d never have this weekly feature.

part 7b costs the midwest division of frackle corporation $30 to make, of which $21 is variable. midwest division sells part 7b to other companies for $47. the northern division of frackle corporation can use part 7b in one of its products. the midwest division has enough idle capacity to produce all of the units of part 7b that the northern division would require. what is the lowest transfer price at which the midwest division should be willing to sell part 7b to the northern division?  Sounds to me like the whole place is frackled.

viagra spokesmodels:  If they’re any good at being spokesmodels, we wouldn’t need Viagra.

brandon, a first-line supervisor at garden toys manufacturing regularly dishes out the verbal abuse to employees, berates, bad-mouthing and embarrassing them in public. this is an example of:  things we learned from Amazon.

u broke me and u don’t know:  thank u, next.

dick owns a dog whose barking annoys dicks neighbor jane. suppose that the benefit of owning the dog is worth $700 to dick and that jane bears a cost of $500 from the barking. assuming dick has the legal right to keep the dog, a possible private solution to this problem is:  For the dog owner to not be such a dick.

tad and lilly were standing in line to get coffee with about three other people. within 10 seconds of waiting, tad started complaining to anyone who would listen about the wait time and how ridiculous it was. lilly was embarrassed by tad’s outburst of emotion:  And later that same day, she went over to Dick’s to buy a dog.

vignettes and vinaigrette:  If you can’t tell the difference, don’t order the salad.

drawing conclusions about every woman who leases a car in a particular zip code from a representative sample of 250 women in that zip code who lease a car is called:  Pretending to do market research.

10 most irritating things women do during sex:  1. Being somewhere other than here.

in the following scenario, which maxim is not being observed? david: so we climbed behind the waterfall, and there was this huge cave. it was amazing! zooey: that cloud looks like a bunny. david: what?  Never disagree with Zooey.

undodged:  Why we have Ram trucks today.

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Keeping it uniform

Arlo Guthrie once sang about the Group W Bench. I’m pretty sure this wasn’t it:

Hosiery ad by Ellen Tracy

This turn-of-the-century advertisement for Ellen Tracy says perhaps a little more than it seems to. I mean, yeah, there are different hosiery colors, and the shoes aren’t exactly identical, but otherwise this is a shrine to conformity. Since this was almost certainly shot in New York City, everyone is reading what appears to be The New York Times: the two other Big Apple dailies are tabloids, and somehow you don’t, or at least I don’t, expect them to be reading The Wall Street Journal.

Tangential: There’s a scene early in John Duigan’s Flirting where the students at a girls’ boarding school have arrived for assembly, and as they’re seated, they all cross their legs, right over left, at precisely the same angle — except for a newcomer, played by Thandie Newton, who quite deliberately fails to fall in line.

As for Ellen Tracy, it’s just a name, coined by founder Herbert Gallen in 1949; the company flourished until 2002, when it was sold to Liz Claiborne.


In need of alignment

I have a three-block email signature that contains entirely too much crap. It does, however, serve the purpose of keeping me off this chart:

(Via Language Log.)

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Wrong criteria

My daughter sent this along, just to remind me that she’s always thinking things through:

Diagram of aircraft damage to Allied planes in WWII

(Her source.)

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Not the way this works

So much fail, these two clodhoppers:

Police responded to the scene of an accident Wednesday just after 5:30 p.m. near NE 23rd and Lottie.

While the officers were at the accident, a vehicle pulled up behind them and started yelling for them to move their patrol car so the driver could turn onto Lottie.

Officers approached the driver and told her to wait while they moved the damaged vehicles out of the roadway.

The woman reportedly told police, “you have two seconds,” and officers told the woman to wait again.

It’s rush hour, missy. Nothing happens in two seconds in rush hour.

The officers started walking back towards the accident when they heard an engine rev, and saw the woman drive over the curb and onto Lottie.

Officers caught up with the woman nearby who quickly exited the vehicle.

According to a probable cause affidavit, officers told the woman to get back in her vehicle and she replied, “f*** you.”

While the woman was being arrested, her passenger exited the vehicle despite being told by officers to stay inside, and allegedly “pulled” at an officer’s arm.

The woman, identified by police as Talitha Byrd, 21, was arrested for obstructing an officer and resisting execution of process during insurrection. Her passenger, Paul Brown, 26, was also arrested obstructing an officer and battery/assault on a police officer.

The most charitable explanation: they’re new around here. Kate is the next street to the east; Everest (southbound only) is the next street to the west, followed by Glyn Ellyn. Either would have gotten them where they were going. So I’m going with “drugs wearing off” as a hypothesis.

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Gee, I think you’re swell

Grace VanderWaal is fifteen. I was not at all prepared for her to do a song that dates to when I was fifteen; I won’t make that mistake again.

And I wouldn’t at all be surprised to hear that she’d tuned into some Smokey Robinson, too:


The spy who didn’t love you

Margaretha Geertruida Zelle, born in 1876, might seem to have been a contradiction in terms: an exotic dancer from the Netherlands? Then again, show biz does permit a certain amount of obscuring the facts, so Miss Zelle (who, for a while, was Mrs MacLeod) let it be known that she hailed from the Dutch East Indies — she’d lived there briefly with Mr MacLeod — and she adopted the sort-of-lyrical stage name Mata Hari. No one seemed to notice that she really couldn’t dance.

Mata Hari gets horizontal

Mata Hari turns her back on you

Mata Hari with just a hint of tint

Her career as a sort-of-dancer did not last long, but she found herself in demand by the sort of powerful men who demand this kind of thing. And inasmuch as the Netherlands remained neutral during World War I, she could come and go more or less as she pleased. More than once she found herself involved in cloak-and-dagger stuff, at least nominally working for the French, but eventually fell in with the Germans, who found her work unsatisfactory and exposed her, so to speak, to Paris, which put her on trial and eventually ordered her execution by firing squad. It was October 1917; she was just forty-one.

A recent biographical video of “Agent H-21”:

Some of the pertinent French records were declassified in 2017, after a hundred years.


The whine of my screaming machine

Jan and Dean recorded “Dead Man’s Curve” about 55 years ago. The scene is London rather than Los Angeles, but the boyracers haven’t changed:

As supercars flood the streets of Kensington, Chelsea and Belgravia, the people who live in London’s most affluent corners are battling infuriating levels of noise and the ever-present threat of a deadly accident.

Driven by young, rich and largely Middle-Eastern men, the high-performance vehicles can be heard tearing around late into the night.

And last week, an Audi Q7 4×4 caused £1 million of damage when it wiped out a £200,000 McLaren, £40,000 Porsche, £200,000 Bentley along with eight other cars when the driver ploughed into the vehicles in a shocking crash caught on CCTV.

It left the well-heeled occupants of Moore Street and the surrounding areas fearing that muscle cars will one day kill one of their neighbours after the Audi’s driver was taken to hospital with a serious head injury.

“Well, the last thing I remember, Doc, I started to swerve.”

Kim du Toit solves this problem with two words: “Speed bumps.” With a speed limit of 30 mph, and all the ground clearance of an ant carrying a potato chip — well, this works better than you might think.


All about those bass

When Henry Mancini writes a melody, by golly, it stays written:

I mean, it even survives a ska version.

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Redeeming lyrical value

The past three Taylor Swift releases have been meh (“The Archer”), meh (“You Need to Calm Down”), and a meh-ness to all we hold sacred (“Me!”) The title track of the new album is distinctly better:

I can’t help but think that part of this regained songwriting prowess is due to Swift’s having written this one herself.

(The Lover album ships on Friday the 23rd.)


No respect for Junior

If you listen closely, you can hear the faint sound: “Ka-CHING!” And suddenly you realize that it was a hell of a lot louder than you think it was:

A house linked to the most celebrated name in architecture is facing the wrecking ball.

Birdwing, a large modernist house built in 1965 in Minnetonka, is targeted for teardown; its parklike 12-acre estate, Birdsong, will be carved into lots for 13 single-family luxury homes.

The distinctive house was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright Jr. Not the Frank Lloyd Wright of Prairie School fame, but his son, also an architect.

The younger Wright, known as Lloyd Wright, was a well regarded architect in his own right, particularly in California, according to Bobak Ha’Eri, member of Docomomo MN, a modernist preservation nonprofit.

“Lloyd Wright is considered a modern master,” said Ha’Eri. The architect designed the Wayfarers Chapel and a band shell at the Hollywood Bowl, as well as numerous houses in Los Angeles and three houses in the Twin Cities — two in Edina (one of which is still standing), in addition to Birdwing.

Birdwing covers 5578 square feet, with five bedrooms, three baths, and two half-baths. God only knows what the eventual McMansions will look like, but odds are they won’t be the slightest bit distinctive.

Birdwing by Lloyd Wright, 1965

Especially if they’re going to crowd thirteen of them onto a twelve-acre parcel.


The eagle has sort of landed

Sometimes a predator pays a high price for its prey. But it’s seldom so high that the prey is allowed to walk (or, in this case, swim) away:

(Via Fark.)

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A true boner

And not in a good way, either:

The human body is marvellously complicated, so it’s no wonder that sometimes things can go spectacularly wrong — and we only find out by accident.

That’s what happened to a 63-year-old man who went to a New York emergency department for left knee pain after falling on his behind, and ended up with an alarming and rare diagnosis — penile ossification.

The doctors found the shockingly rare case when they took an X-ray of the man’s pelvis to check for signs of bone fracture due to his fall. Instead, they spotted a bone-like calcification in a truly unexpected place.

Calcium salts had built up in his soft tissue and hardened into “an extensive plaque” along his entire penile shaft.

That poor soul definitely got the shaft.

(Via Glenn Reynolds.)


Tiny buttholes

You can look at the toy, but not at all of the toy:

Not shown: the little star shaped … um … anus … that has been embroidered on the backside of the cat. (I have noticed many of the Japanese toy animals add that as a feature. Then again, maybe Americans are unusual in their prudishness about such things as someone told me that butt jokes were much more common in German culture than they are in American, and there is even a good-luck figure holding a gold coin between his butt cheeks, supposedly the wish is that you would be so rich you have money literally out the wazoo.)

And as long as we’re taking readings on the Sphincter Scale, here is “Anus of Uranus,” an early single by Canadian band Klaatu:

I have no idea why this didn’t get more airplay in the States.

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MC 900 ft. Hammer

Okay, maybe that’s a stretch. Still, it’s gotta be Hammer Time:

This is not a drill

(Via Captain Cabbage.)

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Screw the facts, pay me

Get a load of this: How to get the settlement I deserve from my insurance?

As it turns out, he doesn’t deserve squat:

Long story short I was followed home punched in the face by the passenger and then the driver reversed into the hood of my car and drove off. I got their plate and was able to report it. However I have the worst insurance company and with my luck the third party has the same one. They are now trying to tell me because I was out of the car I’m not entitled to the injury compensation even though my hand was on the car door. And I also now have ptsd and anxiety from it. how do I get them to give me a proper settlement without bias.

The mere fact that he was out of the car in the first place indicates that he was a long, long way from blameless. If I were charged with covering this fool, I’d make damn sure I didn’t offer him a renewal.