26 November 2004
Hold the sticky stuff
Am I the only person in this city who ever buys Kellogg's Pop-Tarts in the unfrosted-blueberry variety? Their status as one of the original flavors hasn't done anything to insure their presence on the grocer's shelf; they seem to show up in the stores about twice a year if I'm lucky. Meanwhile, the sickeningly-sweet frosted versions get more shelf space than ketchup, despite their lack of palatability and their incompatibility with my old-style, uncomplicated toaster. (Something in the frosting seems to melt down into a nasty brown slag; for all I know, there could be plutonium in there.)
Posted at 10:29 PM to Worth a Fork
It's not plutonium, Charles. It's one of the new miracle synthetics, Brown-25. Because of its versatility, economy, and ease of recycling, this amazing substance, manufactured exclusively by Uranus Corp., has found its way into a multitude of applications, most notably in movies, television, journalism, fast food, and popular music.
"At Uranus, things come out just a little differently." -- Company motto of Uranus Corp.
The unfrosted are also my favorite. i like to dip them in ice tea.
Kroger has its own brand of toaster pastries, but when I looked last night they didn't have unfrosted blueberry either.
Does your local market have a health-food section? I didn't look there last night because, well, I never look there.
Nabisco had a rival brand called Toastettes, but they seem to have disavowed any knowledge of them; neither Nabisco nor parent Kraft gives them any Web-site attention at all. I occasionally see a box, but the only unfrosted flavor I ever see is strawberry, and not many of those.
There is an extensive selection of kosher foods at this store, but I don't remember seeing any toaster pastries specifically constructed according to Jewish dietary laws.
I hit up another grocery this afternoon and found a store brand with unfrosted blueberry; I expect it will be different from, if not necessarily inferior to, the Kellogg's product.
Blueberry Pop Tarts are popping up all over.
Last night I was at a New Criterion gathering at Fitz's in Manhattan, and someone present mentioned that when she was growing up her momma dated a truck driver and they got all manner of damaged goods, including several cases of unfrosted blueberry Pop Tarts, which took them several years to get through. She used to make Pop Tart sandwiches with Pop Tarts for the bread and peanut butter for the filling.
The context for this discussion: A blogger who revealed his alienation from the mainstream of American culture by writing "Pop Tarts" in scare quotes.
Fascinating. Of course, in New York, it's possible, with a little bit of maneuvering, to avoid almost anything that smacks of Flyover Country; I suspect Mr Fitzgerald is past master at these maneuvers.