The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

9 November 2005

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Chevrolet has put out a little twelve-page booklet which I found glued to the inside of one of the car mags this month. It's called MEN, WOMEN AND THE TRUCK, subtitled A RELATIONSHIP HANDBOOK, and the bow-tie boys have managed to work in just about any vehicle-related sexual stereotype you can think of. I mean, here's the opening: GIRLS PLAY WITH DOLLS. BOYS PLAY WITH TRUCKS. LET'S START THERE.

But the real winner is page 10, the last full page of text. It begins, yes, with all caps, LADIES, YOU'RE GOING TO OUTLIVE THE MEN ANYWAY.

Not really fair, is it? Nonetheless, it's statistically true. You need to soften this news with more truck to love — inside and out. The Chevy Silverado Half-Ton Crew should do the trick. Surround him in an available plush leather-appointed interior larger than either Ford or Toyota. Entertain him with an available 150-channel XM Satellite Radio and rear-seat DVD with auxiliary audio/video jacks. Empower him with a wireless remote control. Give him four full-size doors so he and his friends can make the most of this life. Show him that the most distinctive difference between men and women is your generosity and benevolence when it comes to trucks. And heck, when he's gone, the resale on this bad boy is going to be sweet.

If I hear of a copywriter in Detroit being run over by a Silverado driven by his wife, I'm going to assume it's the guy who wrote this.

Posted at 7:10 PM to Driver's Seat , Table for One