The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

14 February 2006

Unfortunately, no parade

This is National Condom Week, and while the Condom Museum is still in the planning stages and therefore unable to provide you with handy mnemonic devices, you should take it upon yourself to remember the following Stretchy Facts:

  • Condom use prevents something or other, and also protects against something else, though it's not, you know, ironclad or anything.

  • While wrapping yourself in something cold on the way to something warm may seem contradictory, just tell yourself that you're practicing a form of diversity.

  • That condom you've been carrying around for a year and a half, just in case? Throw it away. It's going to leak faster than the last three Administrations combined.

  • The amount you'd save by not using condoms is insignificant compared to the amount you'd save by not actually dating.

Finally, the Playboy Advisor once took on a three-pronged question from a reader who was (1) worried about sexually-transmitted diseases, (2) suffering from premature ejaculation, and (3) dissatisfied with the size of the unit. The Advisor recommended:

  1. Wear a condom.
  2. Wear two condoms.
  3. Wear three condoms.

(Notice: This post has been scanned for Trojans.)

Posted at 7:27 AM to Dyssynergy

TrackBack: 9:56 AM, 14 February 2006
» Seems Appropriate from Yippee-Ki-Yay!

I think this is the perfect occasion for a blogburst.

...[read more]

National Condom Week? First I've heard of it. When did word of this leak out?

Posted by: McGehee at 9:54 AM on 14 February 2006

I agree ... information about it was hard to come by.

Posted by: Ron at 5:15 PM on 14 February 2006

Ah, and condoms have many other uses, especially in countries where they are given out for free...
The silk weavers in India use 600,000 a weave silk...

Posted by: boinkie at 6:55 PM on 15 February 2006