The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

18 July 2006

Canadian burqan

It's all a matter of aesthetics, says Kevin Williamson in the Calgary Sun:

Far be it from me to tell anyone to put their clothes on, but there’s a reason we have laws against public nudity.

Hygiene? Morality? Hardly.

It’s because if you broke open the fleshy floodgates and gave the greenlight for everyone to disrobe whenever they pleased, you’d be exposed to every manner of rubbery, shriveled protuberances — ghastly things better left behind the closed doors of doctor’s offices and dark, dark bedrooms.


Because the first people to bare all would be the same people who should, God willing, remain swathed in fabric for the rest of their lives. Minimum three layers. Preferably black.

Wait until he finds out that fifty percent of the population is below-average in appearance.

(Link contains possibly-NSFW picture; article found at Fleshbot, which is never safe for work unless you're the sysadmin and sometimes even then.)

Posted at 12:23 PM to Birthday Suitable

Along similar, if not identical, lines, here's Shay:

"[W]hy do the scarily palest folks feel the need to display the most flesh on a hot day? Instead of getting to look at reasonably tanned white folks a la Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie, I instead got 'treated' to far more of the Marilyn Manson variety yesterday. I saw so many violations yesterday in Chicago — where temps reached 96 degrees — that I lost count. Please at least get a tan, if you feel the need to hit the city streets showing much of your flesh."

Posted by: CGHill at 12:56 PM on 18 July 2006

& my question is "How do I get a tan without making you folks wanna barf?" Pay for it? Hardly, now if you want to pony up the money, I MIGHT THINK about it.

I pull off my shirt in public & display my geek-tan (used to be called a farmer's-tan) while my offspring jump on the roof and wield a large hoe in my direction while screaming "Avast, ye great white. I stab at thee, Die ye great white demon of the depths, DIIIIEEEEEEE!"

On a side note, both my neighbors have their houses up for sale. Go figure.

Posted by: Dwayne "the canoe guy" at 1:23 PM on 18 July 2006

hehehehe ... some of us pale folks are redheads and not really good candidates for the tan. And all those super tanned George Hamilton types will probably die WAY before use pale faces. Anyway, I'd love to see a pic of this guy who wrote this in the Calgary Sun ... I just bet he's a real piece of work. Most wankers who comment on appearance are ... It's like guys who rag on fat chicks, they usually are not so svelte in their wife beater t-shirts either. Perhaps a case of "projection" :)

Posted by: Ron at 3:20 PM on 18 July 2006

I've just come up with an invention for people who want to tan without paying through the nose to a tanning salon and also without frightening horses and small children on the street.

I call it The Fenced Backyard®

Posted by: McGehee at 4:18 PM on 18 July 2006

Got one, thanks.

(Works pretty well, too.)

Posted by: CGHill at 4:35 PM on 18 July 2006

I'll start working on my skin cancer right away lest I offend this gentleman's aesthetic sensibilities.

It's all about priorities...

Posted by: Sarah at 8:42 AM on 20 July 2006

Think of it as a means of Vitamin D absorption, and be prepared to waggle an accusing finger: "You're not against vitamins, are you?"

Posted by: CGHill at 1:11 PM on 20 July 2006

"Rubbery, shriveled protuberance" owners should unite and protest for their rights.

Posted by: mike at 2:34 PM on 21 July 2006