Three suspects have confessed to killing five people for their fat, said Col. Jorge Mejía, chief of Peru’s anti-kidnapping police. He said the suspects, two of whom were arrested carrying bottles of liquid fat, told the police it was worth $60,000 a gallon.
Colonel Mejía said the suspects had told the police that the fat had been sold to intermediaries in Lima, the capital. While police officials suspect that the fat was sold to cosmetic companies in Europe, he said he could not confirm any sales.
I see a whole industry utopia here. We have too much fat, and we pay dearly to rid ourselves of it while there in Peru they’re killing people in the most gruesome way for a few gallons. Hello? It’s silly and makes no sense, especially when folks would line up to sell their liposuctioned ass-fat on a free market to offset the expense. Might even solve the trade deficit if we can get China to manufacture these cosmetics and sell them our fat. Then they could sell the cosmetics to Wal-Mart. It’s recycling at an optimal incentive. It would work.
This being spring, beware the Ides of April: I must caution you that any income you receive from selling any precious bodily fluids, even those that weren’t actually fluid at the time you signed the release you did sign a release, didn’t you? is taxable.
It occurs to me that I probably should set up a category for “Posts I Wouldn’t Have Made Except For The Stirring Title Potential.”