The winners of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest have been announced, and they’re just as godawful as always, but this particular Dishonorable Mention caught my eye:
As the under-appreciated autumn evening faded into yet another soft black velvet fall night, all creatures large and small had settled in except for one, Loupy, the Schipperke, whose job was to keep Anatoly, the night watchman, informed of all things pertaining to the property with her signature uninterrupted warning barks which at this very moment would not subside until her master explained, “We don’t know anyone named Timmy and we don’t have a well.”
This was submitted by Karen Arutunoff, of Tulsa, Oklahoma, and while anything that makes fun of Lassie is fine with me, this is here because it gives me a chance to mention Tulsa racing legend Anatoly Arutunoff. (Toly drove the infamous Cannonball Baker Sea-to-Shining-Sea Memorial Trophy Dash twice; in the last one, he and two co-drivers made the New York-to-Redondo Beach run in 40 hours, 33 minutes.) He’d be about 71 now.
I hadn’t given any thought to Arutunoff in many years, but apparently I still have a few memory locations functioning, despite my advanced age.