Low-level snipers

The anonymous auto-show product specialist known as The Booth Babe, before leaving for a few vacation days, put out this advice to her detractors:

If you are so upset and worked up over what I wrote, I can guarantee you that you are the person I’m writing about. You’re pissed because I just called you out on your idiocy. Frankly, everyone else — the normal, polite, engaging, non-sexist, non-racist, hygienic, intelligent people — everyone else thinks it’s funny. And they think it’s funny because they know it’s true.

The things I write about don’t just happen to me, and they don’t just happen at the auto show. Anyone who has worked with the public for any amount of time can tell the same stories. The only difference is I’m standing in a convention center when these things happen, and they are waiting tables or ringing up your purchases or writing your traffic tickets or trying to help you at the bank.

Commenter John then contributed this fascinating detail regarding subspecies Homo sphincteris:

I’ll let you in on a little secret. 99% of them don’t know their ass from a left-handed knibblin’ pin. They talk a good game but that’s because Google is open right next to the screen they are trolling on so they can seem smarter and more capable than they really are. In reality they are sitting there sucking down Mountain Dew with a bag of BBQ Fritos getting flavoring powder and grease all over their keyboard and mouse while a doobie full of skunky weed smolders away in an ashtray on the corner of the desk. Probably have orange finger prints on their worn-out tighty whities from scratching their junk every 5 minutes. They bag on you so they can feel better about themselves. It sounds so cliche but there is a truth behind every stereotype. I know this because I have had a few of them work for me and they were frustrating personalities at best.

Most of you by now have seen some form of blog trolling, almost always conducted by someone meeting the above criteria, probably living under his mother’s bridge. What’s more, approximately 30-40 percent of the individuals I encounter on Yahoo! Answers seem to fit this type. I conclude that the Internet serves as a vast social network for people who have no business being social.


  1. Nicole »

    3 July 2010 · 10:48 pm

    Living under their mother’s bridge… that’s an awesome one. ::files away for future use::

  2. unimpressed »

    4 July 2010 · 2:45 am

    …and a female troll is (wait for it) a trollop.

  3. Tam »

    5 July 2010 · 1:30 pm

    If you want to discover a person’s real level of breeding, put a screen name and a keyboard between them and whoever they’re addressing. Works every time. ;)

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