Strange search-engine queries (235)

As noted yesterday, some two million people have filed through the gates and into the wondrousness of this site. It is the function of this weekly feature to single out about ten who arrived bearing goofy search strings.

shooting down the walls of heartache:  Have you ever tried to shoot down a wall? Tons of ordnance, not much of a hole. Next time, try the pole vault.

slippery sidewalk in high heels:  Tons of liquid, not much traction. Next time, try the winter boots.

thora birch wears converse monkey trouble:  Not on slippery sidewalks, I bet.

churchs must study cience fiction:  See, for instance, Paul’s second epistle to the Cardassians.

the fashion has turned out otherwise:  See, for instance, Paul’s second epistle to the Kardashians.

a war where nothing matters:  “Not dying” would seem to matter at least a little.

hot to tell if someone is a swinger:  Push ’em. If they sway back and forth like a pendulum do, they swing like England.

pissed off apac customer service employees:  Have you listened to some of those customers lately? Sheesh.

opposite of hype:  Um, lope?

“not unlike the wind itself”:  Which phrase will come in handy if ever you see someone sweeping down the plain.


  1. Teresa »

    2 August 2010 · 10:41 am

    I love it. I wish I wrote stuff that would bring in queries like these. I don’t even look anymore because the queries for my site were so mundane as to induce sleep in the middle of the day. LOL.

  2. CGHill »

    2 August 2010 · 10:46 am

    Consider that the old (pre-WordPress) category archive pages can be 500 kb or more, and that I have about 50 of them. Given that sheer volume of verbiage, it would be hard for J. Random User, not being up on his Booleans and all, to construct a search string that didn’t land here; the only saving grace is that Google, for instance, won’t serve up more than 1000 results, and most people don’t have the patience to exceed 300 or so.

  3. Lisa Paul »

    2 August 2010 · 2:17 pm

    I love starting my Monday with your search strings. How do you do it? Strings frosted with a few Biblical allusions, sprinkled with references to classic musicals, pop culture and topped with a ladle of snark.

    I’m still recovering from “Paul’s Second Espistle to the Kardashians”.

  4. CGHill »

    2 August 2010 · 6:45 pm

    I have fifty-plus years of smartass experience upon which to draw, plus a lot of material with which to work. One of the more rewarding aspects of this is finding two otherwise-mundane items that can be joined together by a single bit o’ snark. (Hence, Cardassians and Kardashians.) Not only does this save me the trouble of making up an extra joke, but it helps to fill out the 10-per-week quota I’ve set for myself.

RSS feed for comments on this post