Avoidance-avoidance complex

Believe me, I know from this:

One of the more successful methods, different from mine, that I observe is to refuse to have a real love and/or relationship. I know several people who don’t date at all and don’t want to. They have their imaginary self, imagined love and their memories. That’s it. They never have the rush of a new relationship and a new sex partner nor the high of feeling confident and fulfilled, but they never suffer the fiery hell of a relationship in flux and shambles, leading to a pit of burning lost love excrement up to one’s nose. They “win” by not playing. In my opinion, they have put life on hold and in my opinion this is a fate worse than death. It’s also the option I believe I am most likely to choose.

It is not a fate worse than death, though it pretty much guarantees you an empty bed, which some people consider the practical equivalent thereof. Me, I am unwilling to be led around by glandular secretions.

I look at it this way: without this particular complication, I am managing to keep my emotional curve just slightly above the X-axis. Why would I want to drop back into the bottom of the graph in the hopes of an occasional half-hearted caress?

Many years ago, for the OAQ File, I wrote that “I will encounter someone of prodigious desirability who wouldn’t have me on a bet.” I consider this a hazard of life, an unavoidable hazard at that, and indeed I was correct in this prediction. If anything, I underestimated the number of such encounters; if there is any contentment to be derived from having known it all along, I herewith lay claim to that contentment.

I suspect I’ll be addressing similar subjects a number of times this month, inasmuch as this month is February, which contemporary culture has inexplicably chosen to dedicate to lovers. By the mercy of the Almighty and the wisdom of the Caesars, it is the shortest month.


  1. Mister Snitch! »

    5 February 2007 · 7:01 pm

    How do we know that ANY fate is worse than death? (We don’t, OK?) But we all get to a point in life where many of us become risk-intolerant. That applies to everything we do, and it doesn’t matter if you’re married or not. In fact. married people often are MORE loath to take risks, even though they often could weather the storm better. It’s not just a question of entering a new relationship or not, it could as easily be a question of dragging a dead relationship around.

    Me? I’ve watched Fight Club dozens of times. I’m peeing in the soup, baby.

  2. Tatyana »

    5 February 2007 · 9:30 pm

    There is another thing, apart from purely emotional sphere.
    I have my life well-organized now, after years of trying. I have my routine, I like my apartment the way it is (however imperfect), I have acquaintances and friendships rotating around just enough to fulfill my need for human interaction, occasional upset notwithstanding (on both sides).
    Something short of cosmic force should happen to make me abandon all of the above. Which is less and less possible, as I look in the mirror day to next day.

  3. Andrea Harris »

    5 February 2007 · 10:07 pm

    Good Lord. “A fate worse than death”? Well, la-di-dah.

    Me, I think people who don’t have a cat or two around their apartment are truly the ones avoiding (out of silly fears due to their own inadequacies, natch) the rough and tumble of A Life Truly Lived. Oh, and if they drive a car instead of taking the bus? Wusses. I mean, pathetic people denying their true needs to sit in a seat recently vacated by an incontinent hobo. A cloth-covered seat.

    To each their own sense of adventure, know what I’m saying?

  4. nina »

    6 February 2007 · 10:19 pm

    Thanks for the short month reminder.

    I needed that pick-me-up.

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