Strange search-engine queries (248)

You’d think a feature like this couldn’t survive for five years. Then again, look how many government programs with far less merit, not to mention far fewer jokes, have managed to hang on for even longer periods of time.

is maureen dowd a lesbian:  I have gotten some variation on this nearly every week for five years. Unless you’re actually dating her — and it’s a pretty safe bet you aren’t — it’s none of your damn business. (This applies equally to the three dozen other women of whom similar questions were asked.)

give me a spot:  Wait a few months and you can have a whole Dalmatian.

on tv the nanny aka fran drescher wore the cutest clothes who made them?  I wouldn’t be surprised were it someone who was deaf, or who eventually wanted to be.

ugly nude midget women forwards:  Nobody’s forwarded any such stuff to me, for which I am grateful.

Secretary Legs:  Well, actually she was hired because of her typing skills, hard as that may be for you to believe.

“lou gehrig dying of lou gehrig’s disease” movie quote:  Well, actually he was hired because of his baseball skills, hard as that may be for you to believe.

kwtv right-wing slant:  So far as I can tell, Gary England treats all the thunderstorms the same way, no matter which side they come in from.

jacket with fluff in them:  Often worn on camera by KWTV staff.

not everyone wants a car with a bud vase:  Certainly not if it blocks the view of the tach.

massachusetts “spite fence”:  New Hampshire is drawing up the blueprints even as we speak.

women wearing penny loafers being hypotized videos please:  And I thought my fantasies were overly specific.

How do you safely shoot heroin?  Mount it in an airtight container near the center of the target. If it’s in the wild, you’ll just have to improvise.

kirsten gillibrand in thong panties:  Just step away from the keyboard, Senator Reid.

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