MI: What’s the percentage of kids, on average, that are good?
Santa: It’s usually about 65-70%. Except for New Jersey of course. Only 25% of the kids in that state are good. I blame the Sopranos.
MI: What do you like best about your job?
Santa: Honestly? It has to be the MILFs. I meet a lot of MILFs on Christmas Eve. I mean a lot. I probably get more action that night than Derek Jeter gets all year.
MI: Doesn’t Mrs. Claus object?
Santa: Look. Mrs. Claus. God bless her. A wonderful woman. A provider. A soul mate. But we have an agreement. What happens on Christmas stays on Christmas.
“Mommy, I saw you!”