Parade forecast: rain

Andrea Harris will personally seed the clouds herself, if need be:

In fact, most parades are stupid — the only reason to have a parade is to welcome home your military men and women from a successful war. This bullshit of parades every year for everything (eating turkey, drinking crappy beer with green dye in it, the 47th anniversary of the formation of the local garden club, buttsex) is something that should have gone out of style with fake wood-grain toasters and television sets with “vertical hold” buttons. Parades are just a pointless exercise in seeing how much traffic you can tie up; all they do is piss people off. When I am dictatrix of the world one of the things I will abolish is parades — except for military parades after a successful war (I assume there will be a few of these until I have managed to subdue all of Earth to my will), and Shriner parades. Because old men in fezzes driving around in tiny clown cars will never not be awesome.

Don’t make them do it without the fez on.

5 comments

  1. GradualDazzle »

    31 January 2011 · 7:19 pm

    ZOMG… I read that post and thought I would die laughing at the whole “gay panda” bit. [snickersnicker]

  2. unimpressed »

    31 January 2011 · 9:46 pm

    I got one! I actually figured out where one of your links was going before I clicked on it! My track record suggests that it’d snow in hell first…..does it count that it’s going to snow tonight here?

  3. CGHill »

    31 January 2011 · 9:59 pm

    Only if you think of this as hell. (Me, I think you need more freezing rain to qualify as a full-fledged hell.)

  4. unimpressed »

    31 January 2011 · 11:15 pm

    At times, it can be. Can I claim partial credit?

  5. nightfly »

    1 February 2011 · 9:14 am

    You don’t see too many “The Fez” references on the ‘net. Thanks man.

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