Blue screen of defecation

News Item: Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft who has morphed into the world’s best-known philanthropist, wants to reinvent the toilet.

Top Ten ways a Bill Gates-designed toilet would be different:

  1. Occasionally crashes for no discernible reason
  2. Every week it seems a little heavier
  3. Changing the flapper requires remote reactivation
  4. On Tuesday night you have to flush at least twice whether you used it or not
  5. You can use a third-party handle, but you have to leave the original one in place
  6. After several years plumbers will refuse to work on it
  7. Steve Jobs will rush out an iJohn for twice the price
  8. Confusion about the term “American Standard”
  9. Can’t remember the most recent seat position
  10. You never know what’s downloading

(Inspired by SteveF at Daily Pundit.)


  1. fillyjonk »

    14 July 2011 · 7:08 am

    More and more lately, I feel like every day is April 1. Can’t tell if the world is trolling me, or just very stupid.

  2. SteveF »

    14 July 2011 · 7:11 am

    Funny! I’m so jealous I didn’t think of doing that first.

  3. McGehee »

    14 July 2011 · 7:13 am

    What he really wants is for people sitting on the damn thing to play Windows games instead of Angry Birds (which he doesn’t own any part of).

  4. Tatyana »

    14 July 2011 · 7:45 am

    human waste as microwave, eh? okey-dokey, just NUMBY

    the best part is towards the end: hundreds of thousands of target audience are not convinced they need to use toilet in the first place.

    that reminded me of that story @O’Henry (in Kings&Cabbage?) where a resourceful shoe businessman shipped a truckload of sharp nails into a banana republic and spread them over the roads. Locals, who used to walk barefoot since birth, quickly learned to buy his foot gear

  5. MikeH »

    14 July 2011 · 7:48 am

    Just imagine all the viruses you could catch.

  6. Bayou Renaissance Man »

    15 July 2011 · 7:59 am

    Around the blogs…

    Finally, Dustbury, in a post entitled (inevitably!) ‘Blue Screen of Defecation’, riffs on the news that Bill Gates wants to re-invent the toilet….

  7. Mike Pechar »

    17 July 2011 · 12:47 pm

    Some might say that “re-invent” is misleading and “invent another” would be accurate.

  8. CGHill »

    17 July 2011 · 1:35 pm

    Inasmuch as the very first product of Micro-Soft, as it was known then, was a version of the existing BASIC language for the Altair computer, I’m thinking Gates isn’t one to venture too far off the beaten track.

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