And the prophet Carrier spake

If you’ve suspected me before of Freonist tendencies, this will ice the deal, so to speak:

Air Conditioning should be a Religion. A violent one, if its existence becomes threatened. We all worship at its altar anyway; we moan with breathless thrill upon entering any room to escape the soul-sucking heat. “Ahhhhhh……” we intone, like monks in an ecstatic trance. And we are saved.

The tenets of our faith are found in the longer working hours and productivity that Air Conditioning provides. Capitalism is our outreach ministry. Come to AC, all you who are sweaty and would find dry, cool pillows on which to rest, and AC will give you sleep. Blessed, restful sleep without the sheets sticking to you.

As you might expect from a religion, there is a designated devil:

Al Gore has built his religion on the side of all that is evil and wrong and hot. He is apostate and must be shunned. SHUN the unbeliever! Shunnnn! Let AC arise and its enemies be scattered!

Even the devil can quote Scripture, so I think we can assume Big Gray Al isn’t sweating in the Tennessee sun.


  1. Joan of Argghh! »

    31 July 2011 · 7:44 am

    Freonistry! Kinda like Free Masonry, but much cooler.

    Thanks for the linky-luv, Charles.


  2. Nicole »

    31 July 2011 · 8:14 am

    I like it.

    “much cooler”…. Joan, I see what you did there… :)

  3. Dan B »

    31 July 2011 · 11:58 pm

    “No pleasure, no Rapture, no exquisite sin greater than Central Air.” – Azrael, Dogma

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