Strange search-engine queries (292)

This feature, which collects the daffiest items from the site’s search logs, is scheduled for Monday mornings at a time when there’s nothing worth watching on television — which means, ultimately, that I can put these up any time I want to.

brian wilson hearing mono:  Yes, the Beach Boys’ leader’s hearing shut down many years ago, which was not fun, fun, fun for anyone, and God only knows how things might have turned out if it hadn’t — but wouldn’t it be nice to imagine?

bryn mawr college secret:  No guys. Simple as that.

american spammers that are women:  No girls. Simple as that.

ideas to redo converted garage tongue and groove vaulted ceiling previously painted white:  These days, utility is all the rage. Recall the room’s original function by spritzing the entire ceiling with truck-bed liner.

I have thought about approaching a sexy librarian:  Be careful. Not only is she probably brighter than you, she knows where to find out about the insane things you did after your last breakup.

ugly people unfair:  Actually, “non-fair” is closer to the mark, as yon fair maid at the Reference Desk will point out.

THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD RUN EVERYTHING:  Um, no, it shouldn’t, since it doesn’t have Constitutional authority, and anyway you don’t have to yell, Senator.

will renault return to the us:  Only if they do something absurd like buy Saab.

what will fix my tribute hard shifting?  Write a very large check to the transmission shop. Or try to find a nice new Renault.

Jill Biden nude stiletto heels:  I hate to disappoint you, but it’s the shoes that are considered nude, not Mrs Biden.

when are shorts out of season:  Far as I’m concerned, Jill Biden can wear ’em any time she wants.

dustbury we got your earworm:  Yeah, right. Like another one won’t come along before the day is over.


  1. McGehee »

    5 September 2011 · 7:55 am

    I think the government one was mistyped. There’s an “I” missing, and I’ll give you one guess where.

  2. CGHill »

    5 September 2011 · 10:04 am

    We cannot be responsible for other people’s errors; it’s hard enough taking the rap for our own.

  3. Dan B »

    5 September 2011 · 9:18 pm

    Renault’s return? Why not, Fiat was even more dismal back in 1978 when they slunk away, and now they’re back.

  4. CGHill »

    5 September 2011 · 9:41 pm

    I blame Renault for all the screwy-looking Nissans that are coming out: the Juke, mostly, but also the Murano Cross Cabriolet, which answers several questions no one was asking, among them “What would an already-fugly crossover look like if we Sawzalled the roof off?” (This is probably a reflex action, since I drive one of Nissan’s better-looking cars, and Renault had, so far as I know, nothing to do with it.)

  5. Kirk »

    6 September 2011 · 11:09 am

    Nice riff on Brian Wilson lyrics, by the way….

  6. CGHill »

    6 September 2011 · 8:08 pm

    Speaking of Brian Wilson, we’re Anglicizing him on this thread.

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