Bulbalypse now

Brenda Becker writes on Facebook:

Ah, compact fluorescents. The light bulb for when you want that MOODY effect when you flip a switch … slowly, the gloam spreads over the area as you stumble into your front hallway, relishing those achingly long seconds of darkness while the cat escapes, your elderly relative crashes, and you knock over a vase. Then there’s their ability to mysteriously destroy light fixtures — they’ve killed several of ours. And of course the long life span that justifies their average cost of $40 a bulb or something … why, we’ve had several that didn’t want us to get bored, and released themselves from this life after only weeks. But above all, there is … the glorious, bleached-bone, washed-out color of that eco-licious light. Even from outside, your rooms will have a nice, edgy, horror-movie vibe instead of that cliche’d, Thomas-Kinkaid welcoming glow of bad ol’ tungsten. BRING IT ON — I WANNA LOOK LIKE A ZOMBIE!

I think everyone who originally voted for it, regardless of party affiliation, should be awarded a single CFL — Colonic Fluorescent Lamp — curlicue type, to be administered rectally on C-Span with a twist of the wrist.


  1. Joseph Hertzlinger »

    4 December 2011 · 11:35 am

    I think we should relegalize toilets that work first.

  2. Brian J. »

    4 December 2011 · 11:55 am

    I just bought–and returned–a floor lamp that only accepted strangely-socketed CFLs. With two kids and x number of pets, that was a mercury-spilling time bomb waiting to happen.

    The box didn’t really indicate this model was special and did not accept regular bulbs. Of course, in a couple years, that won’t be special at all.

  3. Kim »

    4 December 2011 · 4:53 pm

    Amen, brother.

  4. fillyjonk »

    5 December 2011 · 7:45 am

    “Then there’s their ability to mysteriously destroy light fixtures — they’ve killed several of ours. ”

    Interesting. A friend of mine had one of her lamps go up in flames after she switched to CFLs. I had assumed it was because it was an older lamp and maybe had a short in it, but now I wonder.

    Incidentally, three-way incandescent bulbs are apparently exempt from the ban. That pleases me, as all of my reading lamps are wired to work with three-ways.

  5. KingShamus »

    5 December 2011 · 6:19 pm

    God knows I like my home lit up to resemble a meth lab.

  6. Joseph Hertzlinger »

    26 January 2012 · 12:18 am

    While we’re at it, there’s also the toilets that save water by requiring flushing three times…

RSS feed for comments on this post