The eye of Newt is upon you

While Emily of course questions the timing of this new Newt Gingrich revelation, there’s a greater mystery to be solved:

The real question here, though, is how a man who looks to be made of Legos kept (or keeps, for all we know) managing to convince women to have sex with him. I know power is supposed to be sexy, but let’s face it, power is not sexy enough to make up for Newt Gingrich. Nothing is. Not even the mental image of Daniel Craig shirtless on a pile of chocolate cake. The man has jowls. By all account, he has Princess Leia chained up in a metal bikini behind his desk. He probably has remnants of last night’s dinner trapped in his neck folds. Ladies, why?

Compare to, say, Matthew Jerome’s observation last spring:

Right now, in a Republican primary, Newt has all the sex appeal of a school bus fire.

Gingrich is a mere ten years older than I am, which gives me either hope or nausea. Not that there’s much difference between the two, really.

7 comments

  1. Daphne »

    19 January 2012 · 6:01 pm

    To answer Emily’s why… neither Marianne or Calista are ladies.

    Immoral whores would be a more apt tag.

    Charles, don’t go comparing yourself to that disgusting weasel, Newt.

    Unlike him, you actually have a kind, decent soul, an attractive demeanor and a wonderful wellspring of discerning intelligence.

  2. CGHill »

    19 January 2012 · 6:45 pm

    Certainly we diverge in a number of ways, though the one that strikes me as most obvious is that I never assume I’m the smartest one in the room, even if I have reason to believe I might be, whereas Newt always assumes he’s the smartest one in the room, regardless of who else might be on hand.

  3. Daphne »

    19 January 2012 · 6:56 pm

    Humble is very sexy, Charles.

  4. Jean »

    19 January 2012 · 7:13 pm

    Betting the man paid for most of the sex.

  5. hatless in hattiesburg »

    19 January 2012 · 11:47 pm

    i’m suddenly reminded of a female co-worker from years ago who went on about (silverado-era*) brian dennehy being extremely attractive to her… ?!? :P

    http://idiotflashback.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/1834_2.jpg

  6. Francis W. Porretto »

    20 January 2012 · 4:55 am

    Male sex appeal remains an inadequately understood phenomenon. I know two gentlemen, both inarguably handsome — one of them rich as Croesus to boot — who literally can’t get a date…and their standards for female companionship, to be kind about it, are not high. On the other hand, I look like something found under the rubble from a mortuary collapse. No one in his right mind, looking at a photo of me, would call me attractive in any way. Yet I’ve had several undeniably beautiful girlfriends and two beautiful wives.

    I am left to conclude that women vary a great deal in what they consider attractive or worthy. Some of my friends speculate that it’s my dashing style and rapier wit. Others say it’s that habit I have of slowly running the tip of my tongue over my eyebrows. Research continues.

  7. Tatyana »

    22 January 2012 · 8:56 am

    No, Francis, it’s your modesty.

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