The least of the West

Bill Quick has a category called “EuroPenises,” which is dedicated, not to the dongs and prongs, but to the “assholes and dumbasses of Europe.” Whatever the anatomical inconsistencies involved, some people absolutely adore those folks on the Continent:

[W]hy do Democrats in government always want things to be like Europe? They’re like those fraternity geeks who come back from one semester abroad drunk on a bar floor in Dublin and suddenly it’s all Nutella on their toaster waffles and insisting that its pronounced BARTH-e-lona and smoking hand-rolled cigarettes. Like Europe is sooooo awesome. Sure, they gave us good stuff — pizza, Pilgrims, half of the French army in our time of need and several opportunities to acquire exciting new sexually transmitted diseases while we were supposed to be fighting wars — but they also have questionable hygiene, smaller roads, crazier people and fanny packs. Not everything Europe does is fantastic, and I’d venture that paying $6 per litre of gasoline is something even Europeans would gladly trade us for.

For an example of the upside of Europeans, the Italians, who gave Nutella to the world, knew what to do with fascists, and they’re making money off Chrysler, which is more that your American private-equity capitalists ever did.

I think the Democrats in question are simply confused by the European Union: they think it’s something like SEIU, only with better potluck lunches.


  1. Lynn »

    1 March 2012 · 8:21 am

    Just as some people unthinkingly adore everything about Europe, there are those who unthinkingly loathe everything about Europe. Neither position is any better than the other. And what the hell is wrong with Nutella other than the fact that a teaspoon of the stuff will make you gain five pounds?

  2. CGHill »

    1 March 2012 · 8:37 am

    I don’t know anyone who dislikes Nutella.

  3. fillyjonk »

    1 March 2012 · 9:02 am

    I’m still stuck on “Europe has crazier people.” I’ve never been to Europe, but I’ve been to a large American grocery store hours before the SuperBowl.

    If Europe truly has crazier people, I don’t think I ever want to go there.

    Or is he just talking about the political class?

  4. CGHill »

    1 March 2012 · 11:23 am

    If you think our football fans are insane, you should see theirs.

  5. fillyjonk »

    1 March 2012 · 1:48 pm

    Ah, right. I had forgotten the Football Hooligans.

  6. Tatyana »

    1 March 2012 · 11:32 pm

    Speaking of hooligans and Bar-the-lona: I just read a beginning of a travelogue, written by a 20+ woman. She, her husband (both traveling from North of Russia) and her parents (coming from Ireland) went on August vacation to Spain. The 1st day after they unpacked and went sightseeing, armed with cameras and sunny disposition, the woman’s husband who was dressed in whites, was accosted on the street by Barcelona football fans who took him for a Manchester U’s fan. (I might be mixing up teams and uniforms, apologies). She says – only his inherent calm, huge Arkhangelsk seaman’ biceps and unfamiliarity with Catalan language helped avoid international incident…

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