Strange search-engine queries (340)

Once again, we plunge into the logs in search of wacky search strings for your Monday-morning amusement. Not every one of these can win the gold medal, of course, but we think that they’ve all tried their hardest to be the best possible representative of whatever strange and scary perversions have evidently overwhelmed their creators.

you look like my first husband pickup line:  But that trick never works!

saturn employees (shares) OR (shareholders):  OR (unemployment statistics).

manly occupations:  Well, working for Saturn is out.

duck-like quacking during the boxer simon and garfield record:  A man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest. And who’s this Garfield guy, anyway?

“stop signs” “oklahoma city”:  Yes, we have them. You’ll often see a car slow down almost imperceptibly before passing one.

bra landfill:  You’ll recognize it by the twin heaps towering over the horizon.

is i-35 from des moines to kansas city flat:  Not pancake flat, but not exactly a ride around the mountaintops either.

politicians with nice legs:  This almost certainly leaves out Arlen Specter.

What’s the Green Giant jingle:  Bros before Ho, ho, hos.

i miss allen ludden:  You and me both. Not to mention Betty White.

i miss taco bell beefy tostada:  So do I, but it could never replace Allen Ludden.

styrofoam anvil:  Now mandated by OSHA for strenuous physical activity such as road-runner pursuit.

what is miami like:  Having never been there, I must defer to the judgment of Laura Jane Grace.

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