Add some rigor to your mortis

A couple of items from a previously undisclosed list of Final Instructions, posted despite the fact that the writer is not actually dead:

Don’t jump to conclusions about the events leading up to my death. Just take the actual story and embellish it in a way that makes you look good. Make it about you. Don’t tell work I’m dead. Let them think I just stopped showing up. See how long it takes them to fire me. When they do, show them the obituary and yell PSYCH!

I should definitely swipe some of these in advance of my own demise.


  1. fillyjonk »

    16 November 2012 · 7:44 am

    I actually kind of like that idea; in some of my bleaker moods I’ve felt, “The only way people would notice I was actually gone was that stuff wasn’t getting done, and they’d be angry at me for not doing it.”

  2. McGehee »

    16 November 2012 · 8:08 am

    I have only thought of one instruction for my own demise, which probably won’t be needed since I think people will do it anyway: “If my name comes up in a group, just look around awkwardly and say things like, ‘Umm, yeah. He was … something.'”

    Actually, by the time it does happen the looks will probably be less awkward than blank, but still…

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