It’s the flop part that hurts

Reasons why — other than the fact that it’s darn near Octoberyou should spurn the lowly flip-flop:

I’ve said it before but allow me to remind you that I consider flip-flops hazardous footwear. Sure you all laugh when I suggest imposing a ban on the irritating, unsanitary and pointless shoes, that is of course assuming you are daring enough to categorize them as such. Ponder this: how can something that does not cover most of the foot be considered a shoe? They are nothing more than sheets of material attached to the foot by a flimsy strip of rubber wedged between two toes. Now that sure sounds comfortable. How the heck can anyone consider that suitable footwear for anywhere beyond the confines of the house?

Unfortunately, my mother quite literally fell victim to the hidden dangers of parading around while wearing footwear on par with bedroom slippers. Of course, she was quick add that it was never her intention to go outside wearing the flapping footwear, however, I know better. I’ve been warning her of the potential hazards associated with wearing flip-flops for years. Does she listen? No, and will she now? Doubtful.

I don’t actually own any flip-flops, but this is hardly a testament to my good judgment. Consider that I own one decent pair of slides, and I fall out of them all the time: apparently I go up and down about 1.3 shoe sizes during the day, and the slide actually fits for maybe twenty minutes. The flip-flop doesn’t have this issue, really, but if I’m this clumsy with a shoe that’s supposed to stay on, what’s going to happen with a shoe that doesn’t give a damn whether it stays on or not?

3 comments

  1. Charles Pergiel »

    29 September 2013 · 1:29 pm

    My daughter wore flip flops the entire time she was in high school. Winter, summer, rain or snow. Of course we don’t get much snow. But then she’s a girl and they have their own reasons for everything.

  2. fillyjonk »

    29 September 2013 · 7:03 pm

    Clogs are equally dangerous; the ones I have fit loosely and they caused me to take a header off my porch step today. I’m still trying to deny the possibility that I could have broken something.

  3. McGehee »

    30 September 2013 · 7:41 am

    In my undergrad years I would sometimes drive to a light-rail station, where I could park for free, and ride the free shuttle to campus. One winter there was, every day, a couple in shorts and sandals waiting to ride the shuttle when I arrived.

    They had to have been from Minnesota or someplace; Sacramento winter mornings can get down into the teens, but the worst are the clammy days when the fog settles in and never lifts, keeping the temperature in the 30-to-40 range all day for a week or more.

    Every day. Shorts and sandals.

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