Lynn was grumbling about yet another list, this one called “9 Things Middle-Aged Women Should Stop Doing Immediately.” Things got meta down in the comments when Nicole said there should be a list of “6 Things We Never Want to See Lists of Again,” and I said to myself, “Self? There’s your cue.”
- “Ten Bands We Really Hate.” The only possibly interesting factor here is whether someone comes up with a way to mention Nickelback twice.
- “Twelve Ugly Celebrity Body Parts.” Most of the time, this ends up being pictures of orange-peel deposits on the backs of their legs, or shots of their feet. (And if the latter, you will see Halle Berry, who really, truly does not have twelve toes, no matter what you heard.)
- “Eight Ways to Reduce Carbs.” Scrape out the inside of the burrito, then give the hollowed-out husk to the stray cat from three doors down.
- “Seven Shows You May Not Have Considered for Binge-Viewing.” At least four of them could be, and should be, According to Jim.
- “Five National Conversations We Need to Have.” Inevitably, this translates to “Five issues on which you need to be lectured, since obviously you haven’t been taking the subtle hints we’ve been giving you all along.”
- “Nine Ways to Look Better Naked.” You may reasonably distrust any of these that don’t begin with “Turn off the damn lights.”
Now I’m sorry I brought it up.
Addendum: Lynn herself weighs in.