The Kraft-Heinz merger, I figured, was no big deal, other than creating a combined company with a name that sounded like a Seventies German band. But this alarms me:
A financial analyst has suggested that Jell-O may not survive the new merger between Kraft Food Group Inc. (which makes it) and H. J. Heinz Co. and “could be axed.”
Cue a shiver of despair.
It’s hard to remember a time before Jell-O. (On the other hand, perhaps it’s almost as hard to remember the last time you made it.)
“Hard” doesn’t even begin to describe it; Jell-O goes back to 1897.
Over the years, it has been served in thousands of church basements, enabled millions of liquor-laced shots at college parties, provided the concoction in which bikini-clad women wrestle.
Actually, Jell-O wrestling doesn’t involve Jell-O, but a similar product designed specifically for the ring; but don’t tell your friends that.
And the Jell-O name will survive, even if the gelatin dessert itself doesn’t: by now, there are more flavors of Jell-O Pudding than there are of Jell-O itself.