Every microfiber of her being

I change the sheets on a regular basis, but this is pretty much because I expect them to need changing on that same regular basis; mess with the schedule, and suddenly I have issues not (much) unlike this:

[W]hen I was doing my makeup in bed (why) and accidentally pumped my little bottle of foundation too hard and squirted it all over the sheets (dumb), I made the controversial decision to:

  1. Give it a half-assed blot with some toilet paper.
  2. Abandon the pretense.
  3. Toss the duvet over it and act like nothing ever happened.

I didn’t decide these things because I’m lazy (I am). I didn’t decide them because I’m gross (also yes). I decided them because I hate changing sheets with Every. Fiber. Of. My. Being.

We differ on one small point: I don’t object too much to changing sheets, if it’s Sunday, since Sunday is the day I wash sheets and towels and such. (Thursday, it’s a different story entirely.) Still, once washed, they must be folded and put away, and I have basically two classes of fitted sheets: those with elastic only at the ends, which I have learned to fold after a fashion, and those with elastic all around, which I am tempted to roll up in a ball and abandon somewhere, were it not for the fact that they cost so damned much.

(I do pay attention to thread counts, having in my younger days cheaped out and bought stuff with a thread count of something like 12. It’s like sleeping on the bridge over the river Kwai.)

I will generally go to the trouble of obtaining a washcloth to perform the half-assed blot, but otherwise, I think I can match her for laziness.


  1. Lynn »

    6 August 2015 · 11:26 am

    Life is too short to fold fitted sheets.

  2. CGHill »

    6 August 2015 · 11:52 am

    Now they tell me.

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