Invention needed

There are few contraptions in our culture as counterproductive as the contemporary car alarm, which is loud and annoying to an extent hitherto unknown in society — and for what? By the time the damned thing’s been shut off, the vandals have already taken their leave and your GPS unit.

I call, here, for the rush development of any and all workable alternatives. My current thinking calls for the delivery of a swift but silent poisoned dart into the body of the perp. (“Are you saying that vandals ought to die?” Why the hell not?) This wouldn’t require any more smarts than most current infotainment systems possess, though retrofitting it to older vehicles would presumably be problematic.


  1. Georganna Hancock (@GLHancock) »

    7 September 2015 · 1:21 pm

    More practical and possible: since the alarm is already wired into the electrical system, how about delivering a sharp jolt to the perp?

  2. fillyjonk »

    7 September 2015 · 1:45 pm

    How about a bolo device that shoots out, hogties the would-be criminal, while the car simultaneously contacts the police? Granted, there’d be a long wait time on the police in many municipalities, but a tranquilizer dart could be added if the perp escaping was a concern.

    For that matter, only 20% or so of cars would have to be so “weaponized” before those who might break into them start to reconsider. (Then again, it might drive them to do more carjacking….I’d honestly rather have my car vandalized or burgled when I’m NOT THERE than when I am.)

  3. McGehee »

    7 September 2015 · 7:40 pm

    Remember “The Club” as envisioned by — I believe — SNL?

  4. Jay »

    8 September 2015 · 11:11 am

    McGehee – I think you are remembering the “SleepyBoy 2000”. It’s still a good laugh (via YouTube) even after all these years.

  5. McGehee »

    8 September 2015 · 8:52 pm

    No, the thing I remember is a club sandwich left on the front passenger seat. Thug breaks in to steal the car, eats the sandwich, overheated mayonnaise kills him.

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