Perhaps this might work

Or it might not:

We’ve disconnected our home alarm system and quit our candy-ass Neighborhood Watch.

Bought two Pakistani flags on eBay and raised them in the front yard … One at each corner, plus a black flag of ISIS in the center.

Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7.

I’ve never felt safer and we’re saving $49.95 a month.

Then again, that is a hell of a lot to pay for a security system.


  1. fillyjonk »

    19 October 2015 · 9:57 am

    I just don’t have anything worth stealing that would be stealable. (I have an awfully nice old piano but I’d like to see a thief run off with that).

    Anything that might put me in line for a pat-down/feel up by law enforcement seems like too high a price to pay for “security.”

  2. CGHill »

    19 October 2015 · 10:47 am

    Indeed. Back in my newlywed days, persons unknown booted both a 19-inch TV set — CRT, of course — and an Amana Radarange. (I assume it was multiple persons because a single person in a hurry would get a double hernia.)

RSS feed for comments on this post