To the next manor over, born

Lost your battle for dogcatcher in Alpha Township? Why not run for a Council seat in Betaville?

The other day I was driving to work and saw that the town must have an election coming up — there were signs everywhere reading “So-and-So for Mayor.” The name sounded vaguely familiar, which is odd, because I don’t follow local politics in cities I don’t live in. So when I had a free moment I googled up So-and-So … and hey, whaddaya know, he’s a failed Congressional candidate from a few years ago, from another district.

Who says politics is just showbiz for ugly people? This clown is a character actor from central casting, indistinguishable from every other central casting clown Our Rulers see fit to bestow upon our “elections” every few years. Should he not get elected mayor, So-and-So will no doubt be parachuted into some other town to run for alderman or something. His resume and biography don’t matter — he once got elected to something, somewhere, so he’s “electable.” He’ll die in office, and his obituary will gush about “a lifetime of public service” … though it won’t mention all the publics he’s served, since someone might notice that he’s not from any of those places and none of his so-called constituents could pick his mug out of a police lineup. See also native New Yorker Hillary Clinton, or stalwart Chicagoan Alan Keyes, whose totally Constitutional qualification to run in those districts was “once changed planes at La Guardia and O’Hare,” respectively.

And one thing you can be absolutely certain of: So-and-So, on every piece of campaign material from the day after the election until the day he dies, will be referred to as “experienced.” Because we’re utterly desperate for someone to uphold the status quo.

1 comment »

  1. McG »

    24 September 2017 · 10:18 am

    They’re all perfectly welcome to come to my county and run for Speed Bump.

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