Turd-degree felony

Christ, what an asshole:

To save you the ignominy of Googling “how long can you go without pooping?” we did it for you. The question is sure to come to mind after reading about a bizarre case out of the UK, where Essex Police are on #poowatch and tweeting about it. This after a suspected drug dealer believed to have drugs hidden in his body has now for 21 days refused to poop. The BBC reports the 24-year-old was arrested Jan. 17 and has been under supervision since then, with the department’s Operation Raptor team that arrested him providing updates like this one, tweeted Wednesday: “Day 21/3 weeks for our man on #poowatch still no movements/items to report, he will remain with us until Friday when we are back at court where we will be requesting a further 8 days should he not produce anything before that hearing.”

Far as I know, Guinness doesn’t have a World Record for this sort of thing. (I know, I know: don’t encourage them.)

2 comments

  1. fillyjonk »

    9 February 2018 · 8:30 am

    Would there not come a time when whatever it was he had stashed the drugs in would start to dissolve, and he would be poisoned by them? (Have seen “ER stories” on Discovery Health* about “mules” who nearly died when the condoms or whatever they were smuggling heroin in got pinprick holes while in their digestive systems)

    (*I assume there is at least a grain of truth to those stories)

    Or maybe all of these stories are just, ahem, full of crap?

  2. McGehee »

    9 February 2018 · 10:27 am

    I’m remembering a joke by — George Carlin? — about then-President Nixon: that he looked like he hadn’t taken a $#!+ in weeks.

    I was sure at the time it was exaggeration for humorous effect…

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