Gravity never fails

It was 6:10 this morning. I know this because the digits on the old Timex alarm clock are entirely too bright, but the sun rose around 6:24, which meant that keeping the washcloth in front of the clock face was no longer necessary. I rolled over to get within reach of it.

And kept rolling.

And kept rolling.

And finally, I found myself on the floor: as the old broad said in that infamous commercial, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.”

Scraping along the floor, I managed to get to the phone and summon 911. (Lucky me, the fire department is only three blocks away.) One of them remembered me from the last time I’d hit the floor this hard.

At least now I know how I die: I pitch forward (or backwards, it hardly matters) out of reach of anything, and can’t propel myself at all. It will be a day or two, or more, before anyone even notices.


  1. Mike »

    12 July 2018 · 5:50 pm

    Yikes! Would it be worth getting one of those pendants to hang around your neck? Or a twenty something blonde, whichever you can afford?

  2. CGHill »

    12 July 2018 · 6:30 pm

    I get calls from some scamster trying to sell me one of those gizmos on a regular basis. I’m going to assume it costs an arm and a leg, because that’s what scamsters crave.

    Never had a twentysomething blonde. What’s it like?

  3. McGehee »

    12 July 2018 · 6:43 pm

    The blonde costs more.

  4. J. Jeffrey Baxter »

    12 July 2018 · 7:27 pm

    And the upkeep expenses on a young blonde?


  5. Chuck »

    15 July 2018 · 2:38 pm

    You have enough loyal readers that should you fail to post for a day, someone might call 911 on your behalf. Might not be me, it’s been 3 days since I stopped by.

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