What’s more, it comes with a straw

Joe treats himself to that awesome peach milkshake at Chick-fil-A, and he’ll entertain no complaints from the peanut gallery:

[G]o ahead, rat me out for the milkshake. Ruin my good day. I bet you swipe Milk-bones from puppies. You probably are mean to cats. You make faces at little babies and reach over the shoulder and steal hot dogs right out of the bun from toddlers at the beach. I bet you smash Twinkies on the shelf at the grocery. You probably think the Grinch was a ruined soul by the end of the cartoon. You hate flowers. You root against the Cubs. You probably think Hillary is to be admired. You believe in the fairy tale that is Democrat Socialism. You don’t find the Three Stooges funny. You probably drive a Prius and think plastic straws are the bane of an over-commercialized society. You find Esther Williams movies tedious and do not see what is so great about a John Wayne flick. You probably do not care for the music of Elvis and find the art of Jackson Pollock “intriguing”. That is just who you are: a little sniveling rat fink, out to deny me one small pleasure on a gloomy rainy afternoon.

Everybody snivel!

I knew I’d get a chance to post that someday.

8 comments

  1. fillyjonk »

    22 August 2018 · 6:52 pm

    I read “peach milkshake” and then all the rest was that kind of waaaam-waaaam-waaaam sound like the teachers in the Charlie Brown cartoons because I was thinking PEACH MILKSHAKE PEACH MILKSHAKE PEACH MILKSHAKE.

    it has probably been too long since I had a milkshake….

  2. McGehee »

    22 August 2018 · 7:12 pm

    I’m not normally a peach fanatic, but those shakes are fun because every so often a bit of fruit gets sucked into the straw and I get to work off some of the calories getting it to my mouth.

  3. Roger Green »

    22 August 2018 · 8:20 pm

    My question is whether it was a real peach milkshake, in which case it’s worth it, or one of those artificially concocted things that are never worth it.

    For the record, I like Jackson Pollock AND Esther Williams.

  4. hollyh »

    23 August 2018 · 8:38 am

    Agreed, about the peach milkshake, that sounds great.

    100% guilty of all this:
    “You don’t find the Three Stooges funny. You probably drive a Prius and think plastic straws are the bane of an over-commercialized society. You find Esther Williams movies tedious and do not see what is so great about a John Wayne flick.”

    Don’t remember ever seeing an Esther Williams movie but I’ll bet I’d find it tedious. And, should I give the Stooges another chance? I rejected it as a youngster because it seemed entirely inane.

  5. jb »

    23 August 2018 · 11:49 am

    The Stooges are at least one cut , or more, over the political arena. Then again, they knew they were inane, something politicians seem incapable of understanding about themselves.

  6. CGHill »

    23 August 2018 · 2:39 pm

    In its Young and Irreverent years. Rhino Records grafted some Larry-Moe-and-Curly noises onto “I Wanna Be Your Dog” and released it as by the Seven Stooges. I have no idea what Iggy might have thought of it.

  7. Roger Green »

    23 August 2018 · 8:50 pm

    My favorite line about the Three Stooges came from Sam Malone on CHEERS: Sam is attracted to Frasier and Lilith’s colleague, Dr. Sheila Rydall (Madolyn Smith),Sam and Sheila head downstairs to the bar at closing time, and their conversations goes well until she tells him under pressure that, as a psychologist, she thinks he has meaningless sex to fill the void of his empty life. Aghast, Sam tells Sheila to leave as she tries to excite him without avail. Rebecca exits the office and tries to help Sam, prompting him for something he does that is not in pursuit of sex. As Sam struggles to answer, Rebecca asks him about the Three Stooges; Sam eventually grasps that enjoyment of the Stooges is a simple pleasure having nothing to do with sex. Sam and Rebecca imitate the Stooges by pinching and slapping their noses until his nose bleeds.

  8. CGHill »

    23 August 2018 · 8:55 pm

    If there’s anything that guys who have meaningless sex hate, it’s being told that the sex they’re having is meaningless.

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