Standing instructions

The pizza guy gets these instructions from me when I order: “Customer uses a walker and may be slow coming to the door.”

Some pizza guy somewhere gets this from someone:

Customer requests

How else are we going to know these things?

(With thanks to Amy Poindexter.)


  1. McGehee »

    9 February 2019 · 3:44 am

    In my case it might be something like, “If you take a liking to any of the little trees you’ll see popping up next to the driveway, take as many as you like — but avoid the poison ivy (it tends to get homesick).”

  2. fillyjonk »

    9 February 2019 · 8:39 am

    Sometimes I wonder if these are kind of like the (possibly apocryphal) “backstage clause” Van Halen had about “no brown M and Ms in the bowl” – which they did because they figured if the local crew couldn’t do THAT right, they couldn’t trust the safety of some of the stage fittings.

    In other words: a way to ensure ahead of time your pizza is made right?

  3. CGHill »

    9 February 2019 · 12:52 pm

    I dunno. I think that in the present instance, even if the pizza place understands the baking instruction, it’s hardly likely that they’ll get it exactly right.

  4. fillyjonk »

    9 February 2019 · 2:15 pm

    Yeah, and alternatively, I suppose: being too demanding and finicky over the phone might be a way to ensure some passive-aggressive mishandling of the pizza.

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